NeoWave

In the wake of Scream, and countless other "knowing" teen horror flicks, comes The Convent. While the Scooby Doo references and Marilyn Manson name checks are funny enough, there isn't enough stage blood in the world to cover this film's many sins. The camera work is really too distracting, as if the director had seen Evil Dead and then forgotten all the good bits. Jerky cameras alone do not make people scared... you still need atmosphere and sympathetic characters. Don't you? Personally I have nothing against this new strain of horror-comedies, I just think that Idle Hands would be a much better choice than this... but if you've already seen that, and you see this one going cheap, it's no worse than some of the more straight-faced eighties efforts (when they were still taking badly made-up zombies seriously). Oh, and special mention has to go to the comedy Devil's son and his fantastically bizarre accent. Films like this need as many silly voices as they can get.

Although presumably intended as an erotic burlesque, with comedy interludes, Teaserama actually comes across as an retrospectively amusing attempt at "harmless," ultra-soft porn with very unfunny comedians breaking up the flow. This is the first I've ever seen with a Dress Tease (as opposed to a Strip Tease). Of course the finest moments are provided by Betty Page, with her seemingly random facial expressions and hip jiggling. Possibly the greatest fringe in movie history. Kitsch, camp... call it what you will, it's got more soul than the rubbish most TV stations bill as "erotic" these days.