Vampyres

Directed by Víctor Matellano (Wax, 2014), this is a Spanish remake of the 1974 British movie of the same name. Despite being (very obviously) filmed in Spain, this version retains the English countryside setting of the original. Two female vampires lure unsuspecting travellers to their large, rundown house, where they can feed on them at their leisure. Three young campers unknowingly pitch their tent near the house (and its cemetery - that should have been a clue!) and begin to fall victim to the women. That's pretty much it. There's no backstory for the vampires, they're just there and they kill whoever they can. The original was one of the early films to really lean into the 'lesbian vampire' trope and acquired a cult following because of it (and the - at the time - shocking combination of nudity and bloodshed). This certainly delivers on all those fronts, with some of the bloodletting bordering on Hostel II-type 'torture porn'. But that's really all it is. All the characters feel flat, and by the end of the film we don't really know them any better than we did when we first met them. Because of that there's very little tension and we don't care about them. The score is pretty lacklustre, with a couple of really out-of-place songs, and a lot of the camera work has a 'made-for-TV' look to it. As for the ending, there isn't much of one. It just... stops.

With the exception of some cameos (which I'll mention in a second) the entire cast is Spanish. Marta Flich and Almudena León do well with what their given as the vampires (particularly the remarkably striking Flich, who has the perfect look for this kind of role - Hammer would have swept her up in a heartbeat in the 1970s). Verónica Polo as one of the campers, although bland early on, takes it up a notch and delivers when she realises these woman are going to kill her and eat her. But the rest of the cast are unremarkable. Of those cameos, the best known is undoubtedly former Hammer and Bond babe Caroline Munro (in a fair sized but utterly irrelevant role), spending much of her time alongside Lone Fleming (the Blind Dead series, 1970s). There's also Hilda Fuchs (Pieces, 1982), Antonio Mayans (Zombie Lake, 1981), Conrado San Martin (The Awful Dr. Orlof, 1962), and - in her last role - the late May Heatherly (Cannibal Apocalypse, 1980). I can't believe Matellano wouldn't have asked Marianne Morris and Anulka Dziubinska (stars of the original movie) as well; they must have said no. Probably with good reason. A real disappointment. 3.5/10.

I had high hopes for this remake of Vampyres, knowing that it had been written in collaboration with José Ramón Larraz before his death in 2013.

Unfortunately this film is a complete let down, failing in every way!

My advice would be to watch the 1974 original on Arrow Video's latest 2K restored blu-ray.

This film had neither the so bad it's good cheese of say John Carpenter's Vampires or the intrigue of a film like Chronos or Byzantine. Instead we have very bad acting, massively unlikeable protagonists, but worst a flat storyline, little tension and just sleezy pornographic scenes that are more uncomfortable than sexy or even shocking. I was bored. I hated the main characters, who were on one hand arty working on a movie or something, one of them suffering a break up. Yet on the other they seemed only interested in sex. If that's your cheesey hook, don't try and make me take them seriously! RUBBISH! The editing was clunky to say the least, and some shots were good the whole film was just boring and confused. The arty movie with no brains, good plot or acting, but not a fun cheese fest either. Avoid.

Another try at dipping my toe into the murky waters of modern horror and it's 2015's VAMPYRES, a remake of the Jose Ramon Larraz 1974 same-name classic that I happen to rate quite highly. As usual with remakes, I spent most of the time wondering whether it was worth it, and the answer is unsurprisingly no. This is virtually a shot-for-shot retread missing out entirely the horror and eroticism of the original, replacing them with extra characters and boring subplots.

From the outset this is a tough slog, a very cheap looking digital production with that greyed-out look that many of us recognise and hate. It's another Spanish film, badly dubbed in English in the version showing on Netflix, and the no-name cast give resolutely poor performances, particularly the lead actresses who do nothing with their roles. There's some requisite blood and nudity but it's a far cry from that of the original film. The only notable thing are a couple of nothing cameos from Caroline Munro and Lone Fleming (TOMBS OF THE BLIND DEAD). Avoid!

Despite the quote from Theophile Gautier's La Morte Amoureuse, cameos by Caroline Munro and Lone Fleming, and the well-cast Vampyres, this remake is almost complete misfire. All the Gothic atmosphere is replaced with cheap and almost amateurish digi look, dull scenery and ugly setting where the vampettes live. Soft porn grinding is still there, so are the brutally bloody killings - sometimes even approaching torture porn territory.

Verdict: sadly goes to category Useless Remakes.