OH MY (REDACTED) GOD, I just paid to watch this movie, and dear lord, I have never experienced such a wild ride with any film <3! The semblance of a plotline-requiring an archaeology team and National Geographic to decipher-keeps you on a constant roller coaster that ends with the weakest, limp resolution ever.
The main character never asks questions and behaves like an autistic kid who just gained the ability to see into all seven realms while on the verge of death at the Astroworld concert. I don't know if this actor is actually paid or also on the brink of death with a gun to her head because the way she speaks her lines without reacting to the mess in her script is incredible. The actor is amazing but is juxtaposed by the brain-dead storytelling depriving her of any common sense and thus relatability. What was the film even about? Any real message is cloudy, and it makes it feel like, even though the production value was high for this film, the director must have also been at Astroworld with the autistic kid. He had to have been SO high to make the astronomical leaps in logic that only someone with an IQ level of a cheeseburger could make to extract any semblance of relatability and suspense from the movie.
Though every single event in this film feels like it's supposed to be the climax, the screenwriting ensures that any kind of reveal is delayed by subverting the audience's expectations through PULLING SOMETHING STRAIGHT FROM THEIR (REDACTED) to elongate arcs. This formatting keeps you interested just long enough to watch the next Instagram reel ad they make.
The biggest problem with this movie is the formatting. This was not meant to be a feature-length film but rather a series of TikToks played together in sequence to (hopefully) add up to a movie. However, the plotline revolves around this and astronomically hurts the film. Oh my god, the rising action feels infinite, as every major and minor conflict introduced in one segment is immediately resolved-or, even worse, seemingly postponed to a later reel. The action and suspense are instantly dropped, and any buildup to the climax is sabotaged. These segments begin repeating and harassing the viewer with enticing and sexy promises of a quick and logical resolution to the arc you were just hooked by-only for that arc to be extinguished within seconds. Scenes completely invalidate and retcon each other with barely any acknowledgment by any character.
Though the story arc is most comparable to the erratic plotlines of dreams, the setting, camera work, and overall visuals of the movie are stunning, as are the actors themselves. While the characters seem to have dementia and forget which timeline they are in, the actors are amazing and play their parts effectively, even making the audience want to like this movie. The film had all the ingredients for greatness, which is why the story is such a letdown.
The company that produced this film has clearly tailored its storytelling to fit the format of an accompanying TikTok/Instagram-like app. It's very scary to see this dark and twisted path that movies-and entertainment in general-are taking to profit off the popularity of short-form platforms. This leaves a grim outlook for future generations. However, its sheer atrocity has also made me crave a real feature film that breaks the norm and challenges the status quo-movies that dare to stray from stereotypes, overused tropes, and mimicry.
I hope that, through this type of content, we will eventually move past reusing the same tired molds for stories and be able to tell narratives that relate to us on a much deeper level-beyond the reach of cash grabs and HD revisions of old movies. My hope is for incredible films that use creativity to surpass what has been shown purely to generate profit. Either that, or we'll finally grow sick of all movie remakes, sequels, and spin-offs that completely stifle art.
Did I also mention this movie was filmed ONLY in vertical 2160x3840 resolution?"
