Jafaican

"Gazza" (Peter Andre) is in the boozer regaling his mates with a story that is so remarkable that his best mate "Johnzie" (Jamie Lomas) thinks it's going to blow their socks off. He was facing disaster with his beloved nan looking like she was about to be turfed out of her care home unless he can find £35,000! There is virtually no hope he can manage this until he discovers that he is the doppelgänger of an imprisoned Jamaican gangster who is about to inherit $3 millions. He comes up with a plan to learn the patois, don the dreads and head to the sunshine with his mentor "Winston" (Wil Johnson) to try and convince the local population that he is the true heir! Can he pull it off? Preposterous? Well, yes. It's clearly a labour of love for Andre and director Fredi Nwaka who did just about everything on this production, but the film just doesn't work. The script is weak and contrived and even though the supporting cast, especially the scene stealing "Uncle Godfrey" (Oliver Samuels) do inject some life into the film at times, the whole production is little better than amateur and misses way more than it hits. There's a lively soundtrack but that's about the height of it.

So it's obviously a low budget film - I wasn't expecting an Oscar worthy movie but this really was terrible. The script was so poor, no real plot, an abrupt ending that seemed like they just ran out of money! Great to see a couple of gems in it like Sizzla and Oliver Samuels but they were the only highlights. Peter Andre was terrible - couldn't even be bothered to go to a dialect coach so instead they just dubbed a Jamaican accent on him. When he did speak with an English accent he was trying to sound like a Southern Geeza but randomlly kept coming out with 'me gran' as though he was a Northerner - just bizarre. One minute calling his grandmother 'nan' the next 'gran' - make your mind up! Even the grandmother couldn't act! I think most the cast were probably promised a Guy Richie style brit film but what was delivered was even worse than an episode of Hollyoaks!

Jafakean is total garbage. If the IMBD rating system allowed me to offer a minus rating, I would have dropped one on it FAST. Enlisting the services of notorious sell out Sizzla (remember his forgettable collabos with the talentless DJ Khaled?) won't imbue this trash with any credibility. We understand that Jamaican culture is coveted across the globe and one of the fastest ways for Black non-Jamaican producers to raise funds for their projects lies with emphasising a Jamaican connection, no matter how tenuous, but this outing provides zero example of creativity, has zero credibility and worst of all? It is so TEDIOUS my teenage grandson preferred to retire to bed, rather than watch to the end. A first, he usually has to be banished to his room kicking and screaming on a weekend. Rejoice. A cure for insomnia has been discovered. A big fat Zero on EVERYONE involved in this yesterday's chip wrapping of a movie.

I appreciate that this is a very low-budget film (boy does it show), but it amazes me that a bunch of people get together in the hope that their particular cheap film, will defy the odds and become a cult or must-see movie. Occasionally it does happen, but when it does, it's because of something special, an original script, a stand out performance, decent direction, anything. This has none of those things. Every aspect of the film is bad amateur dramatics. It comes over like a very badly put together school play and like all school plays the only people who should be subject to having to sit through it are parents and relations. Seriously stay at home and wash your hair. Life is too short.

I didn't have any high expectations with a movie staring Peter Andre but I was still surprised at how poor the movie was.

I'm amazed that good actors such as Wil Johnson would have anything to do with this slapstick movie but I guess it helps pay the bills.

The plot was farcical and totally unrealistic and if there is a sequel, I definitely won't be watching it.