Empire of the Apes

Tried to get through the beginning & it was absolutely horrible.. we never laughed so hard. Maybe this a high school production project 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩 sorry to be so blunt but this was awful .. god bless him that he even made it to TUBI. So I guess he's doing better than me 😂😂😂😂.

If the trailer alone doesn't tell you.. this is horrible.

Let's say you have a hankering for some good old fashion no budget trash/schlock, but you have a bunch of kids running around the house. And as fully formed functioning adult, you have the cognitive development to recognize that the hookers getting stabbed in their vaginas flick (your standard viewing fare) isn't very appropriate. Well the Polonia Bros. Productions are usually a pretty safe bet. Empire of the Apes is basically family fare, outside the constant overwhelming never ending threat of inter-species rape, but worry not, once the kiddos get one look at the apes' mask, they'll find something better to do with their time than stick around for ruminations.

Taking a sidestep from the adrenaline-packed world of shark movies, I decided to embark on Mark Polonia's jungle-themed venture. Imagine a craftsman from Pennsylvania, best known for his undersea predators, now navigating the vibrant canopy of primate cinema. It's akin to replacing "Jaws" with "Curious George" - but with some added twists.

In the primate world, it's not about the size. A monkey and a man don't differ much there. The challenge? Bringing a troop of them together to captivate us. Think of it as casting a Broadway show, but with our furry friends - and yes, it's as pricey as it sounds!

Our story? A rebellious group of female convicts shooting for the stars, quite literally. Their escape vehicle? A hijacked spaceship. Their unexpected landing spot? A realm ruled by primates. And in this landscape, Polonia's magic comes alive. Firework-like lasers, a primate overlord named Korg, whose voice could rival the loudest of rock concerts, and an ensemble of distinctive convicts, each painting their own story.

But, as the plot thickened, I must admit, my eyelids did the opposite. By the time the curtains drew on this cinematic adventure, I emerged with a sense of clarity - perhaps the silver screen isn't always greener on the primate side.

In conclusion? Unless you have a soft spot for monkeys or are aboard the Polonia express, this film might not be your next stop.

It's like a bad 80s music video director said let's do a " filem". First off you see a glimpse of the uh apes before the production credits? Huh, then you see the production cred and boom it starts...or does it ? Nope after a zzzlllllengthy time the actual title and credits roll. So now after a crash with the most wack, cheesy, embarrassing attempt at efx you have ever seen making Plan 9 From Outer Space epic. This Damn direct to vid was made in 2017!!!!! Okay from here guys in badly done APE masks that move when they talk but are almost discernable create the mood😳. All U keep thinking is that the chicks playing the chicks are girlfriends of the producer , promised their chance at stardom. Btw over layed blood to look like being shot is bad but adding overlayed fire, moving clouds, floating balls for planets, some weird tubular plastic almost gun for a spaceship are all ludicrous and once again I say 2017!!!This is the best you can do? Writing horrible, plot wth? Efx don't even go there, dialog 😳 and even the music is 👎. So anyway after alot of useless plot development more bad efx . There is even a scene where the prisonship commander goes to the planet to get the chicks and he uses a device that has a huge radio antenna. So blah blah Ape empire , hybrid first born . Why one star because it was so bad it was funny. Sorry if you sat thru this mess.That is all.