Teddiscare

Like watching a car crash involving people you despise.

The main character is what would happen if Stephen Stills and Joe Walsh merged into one person who regressed into a childlike state when presented with plush toys.

And for being utter garbage of an amateurish movie of totally worthless detritus, it is a very plot-heavy affair. We learn that when it comes to orphans, they will only accept organic stuffed animals. Who knew.

Okay. So for all the horrible acting, and ketchup for blood, and Bill Bailey dressed as a preacher but playing a lawyer, the little shovel , and the red hot chef love subplot, this movie has a message. And that message is: anyone can get their friends and their cellphones together and shot each other doing silly, unstable things in order to get an IMDb credit.

Needless to say that I had never actually heard about the 2024 horror movie "Teddiscare" prior to sitting down to watch it. I happened to stumble upon the movie by random luck, and I have to say that the movie's cover was actually interesting enough to make me stop and take notice. It had a very 1980s classic horror feel to it, and that is what drew me in.

However, had I known that this was a Mark Polonia movie, then I would have avoided it like the plague. Yeah, that guy just doesn't make good movies. For some reason it feels like he has made a sport out of finding the most inept and untalented actors and actresses. And "Teddiscare" was no different.

The movie is terrible. No doubt about it, and the cover was the best thing about the ordeal. In fact, the movie's cover had nothing to do with the movie, as it was merely a guy walking around in a teddy bear mascot costume bought off of Wish. So yeah, it was a major disappointment to see that.

I wouldn't have to say that I wasn't familiar with a single actor or actress on the cast list, except for Jeff Kirkendall, whom apparently is in every single Mark Polonia movie. The acting performances in "Teddiscare" were nothing to write home about.

Visually, then this movie is bad. Especially the CGI animated blood spray. That was just horrible to look at.

Now, I am sure that there is a small niche of hardcore Mark Polonia fans out there that will find some perverse enjoyment in "Teddiscare". But for the casual viewer and those wanting to be entertained by a proper movie, then don't waste 82 minutes of your life on watching this dumpster fire of a movie. Some of us suffered through this, so you don't have to; you're very welcome.

My rating of "Teddiscare" lands on a two out of ten stars.

This movies is up there with the worst I have seen. It comes a close second too terror at bigfoot pond, another shocker. To call anyone a STAR in this movie is a huge stretch because the "acting" was atrocious. At one stage the "actor" being chased by the guy in the bear suit had to slow down so he could catch up. The plot itself isn't too bad but the movie lacks direction, acting ability and dare I say a budget. The movie wasted a lot of time going over the same ground it had already covered which was very annoying. This movie, even shortened to 30 minutes (which would have made more sense) would still be Too long. Give it a BIG miss guys. There are much much better movies out there.

After Duncan's father dies and makes him swear on his death bed not to go in the woods.. Duncan goes in the woods. But he finds some old playtime friends, yay! And a sorta conspiracy?

The creepiest part of this was definately the grown man baby-talking with stuffed animals out in the woods, roasting them marshmallows and reading them books. Shame this wasn't Winnie the Pooh like it was intended to be

Very, very slow with a lot of scenes that extend way too long. Pretty atrocious acting, lol Really would only appeal to a very particular person, and I guess that's me? Dumb, but kinda cute (although, I'll say this a far cry from Feeders).

After his father's death, a man is told that he's to inherit his family's company and goes to investigate the property which soon causes him to find the stuffed toys he left behind as a kid come to life and going on a killing spree against those who seek to take the land away from him.

This was a decidedly underwhelming if still somewhat watchable genre effort. The main selling point here is the strong setup that attempts to incorporate more of a psychological degeneration that switches up how the film is presented. With the main setup going in a seemingly obvious route with the exposure to the stuffed animals found on the property after taking over the ownership of it and slowly undergoing a reversal back to his troubled childhood where they were his only friends, this takes a pretty intriguing starting point for the proceedings. As time goes on and he starts to slip mentally alongside the series of strange kills around the area, the implication involving him as the culprit behind it is an expected and obvious role to take only for some unexpected revelations to come about here making for some rather fun aspects to come about with the living bear coming to life taking out the various strangers around the area which results in some cheesy encounters throughout here. There are some issues with this one holding it back. Among the biggest issues with this one is the remarkably off-kilter tempo that leads to this one taking far too long to get interesting. The initial setup involving the death of the father, taking control of his feelings on the situation, and trying to come to terms with the situation he's been left with due to the death makes for a fine time had it taken place at a faster pace. Moping around trying to get to the bottom of everything and not having much of anything happen during this section of the film makes for a pretty sluggish time getting going with this one. It isn't helped much by the equally sluggish nature of the rest of the film which goes through the psychological mindset of his affliction or time-wasting moments looking into a chemical cover-up conspiracy rather than spending a lot of time on the cheesy action and encounters. Combined with the expectedly obvious low-budget nature of what's going on with the presentation, special effects, and general experience here being exactly the kind of cheesy low-budget genre effort, these all bring it down.

Rated Unrated/R: Violence and Language.