Dominion

It seems like some Beverly Hills teenager's high school project was made into a movie as a birthday present from rich relatives. I can't think of any movie I've seen that is as bad as this. My daughter's high school plays are better.

An interesting premise, some lovely cinematography and pretty decent acting, but it takes SO LONG for a scene to play out. I had to keep hitting the +10 seconds button on my remote.

I wish I could have given this zero stars or worse. Maybe negative stars should be an option.

OK, a truly awful movie sometimes appears on supermarket shelves and sometimes we get taken in and pay a few pounds or dollars for it. We learn by experience.

This is more serious. This is a crime. This is not a movie of any kind. This is a bit like dummy websites on the net which sound interesting but contain only links to scams. Except it doesn't even fulfil a purpose of that kind, or any purpose that I can understand.

I really want to understand how a crime like this was perpetrated. I thought maybe some studio in the straight-to-DVD market had some stray footage from a movie (from the 1980s) which never got made. They asked an aspiring director to make something out of it, to make a few bucks back from whatever investment there was. We all know about good movies which have come from something like that. Unfortunately this is not one of those. I don't know what this is or how it ever got made. Or how it ever appeared on the DVD shelves of Sainsburys UK at the price of 5 whole pounds, at number 43 in the DVD chart!

I want to believe... that the creators knew what an absolutely hilarious, outrageously funny thing they bestowed upon this planet. An interstellar alliance of good aliens that wants to save the Earth from bad aliens but can't because they suck, government conspiracies including sanctioned WTC and Oklahoma City bombings and artificial AIDS, NPC agents trying to stop the protagonists from spreading the truth despite knowing than the human race will literally go extinct in less than a week, Tim Burton's former muse Lisa Marie making an unnecessary cameo as another alien basically saying "Can't help hoomans, byeee".

It was refreshingly appaling, I don't even regret watching this motion picture. The only thing I regret is not having it watched with all my friends, we might've just as well go extinct from laugh and cringe and trying to come up with a reason for this to be written, filmed and released as a serious sci-fi thriller. Grab a six-pack, call your buddies and watch it, you'll have a ball, I mean it.

Well that's an hour and 23 mi it's I'll never get back. Slow, action less and, well, b grade at best.