Starship: Rising

Not the worst movie I've ever seen, the special effects were surprisingly quite good(pretty much the one element that showed signs of any effort) and Darren Jacobs and Emii do what they can in the lead roles. Nothing else on the other hand works. Other than the special effects Starship: Rising does not look very good, at its worst embarrassingly amateurish. The camera work and editing are choppy, at no point is there a well-placed camera angle. Even worse is the use of green and blue screen, very over-used and sometimes irrelevant, it's also so distracting that it was difficult to find any admiration in the sets. The music is generic, sluggishly paced and like a monotonous drone, and to make things worse it often overbears the dialogue, which can be blamed on the sound mixing recording the music too loud and the dialogue too soft. Not that the dialogue is anything special to begin with, in fact it's all over the place with lots of it sounding random and confused. The characters are under-written cardboard cut-outs that it's difficult to engage with them, and while the leads try their best the acting on the most part is laughably stiff. But the biggest problem with Starship: Rising is the story which is laboriously paced, incredibly convoluted to the point that trying to work out what's going on is a real struggle and with a lot of back-story that added and explained absolutely nothing, only succeeding in slowing the movie down. In conclusion, aside from the special effects and the efforts of the two leads Starship: Rising was almost unwatchable. 2/10 Bethany Cox

It was a porno right? I mean it must have been... what with the obvious innuendo twist on Jupiter Ascending (not heard it referred to as a "starship" before but whatever), much like the Flesh gordon take on Flash Gordon, the crappy acting, non existent plot. meaningless dialogue and the dodgy looking women displaying more make up than a Debenhams cosmetic counter and obvious low budget.

The narration started off quite well; thought it was going to have a Red Dwarf theme initially. Then it went a bit Doctor Whoish, which didn't bode well and by the time the introductory narration finished I had not only lost the plot but also the will to live.

Anyway, things perked up a bit when this fairly fit looking blonde rucked up. Here we go, I thought; crappy intro- check, crappy acting - check. About time for the blond to turn around to one of the guys and come up with some cheesy line like "Is that a "starship" in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me" before getting her kit off and some raunchy action. Boy was I disappointed. Where were all the sex scenes for fecks sake? Did they just forget to put them in or what? Veerrry disappointing.

Somewhere right now Roger Corman is practicing rolling in his grave.

gar·bage /ɡärbij/ noun North American

wasted or spoiled food and other refuse.

synonyms: trash, rubbish, refuse, waste, detritus, litter, junk, scrap; scraps, leftovers, remains, slops, nonsense, balderdash, claptrap, twaddle, blather; dross, rubbish, tripe, jive, bilge, bull, bunk, poppycock, piffle, bunkum, vulgar, slangcrap, crapola

...and now a recipe for Corned Beef Hash:

1 Heat butter in a large skillet (preferably cast iron) on medium heat. Add the onion and cook a few minutes, until translucent.

2 Mix in the chopped corned beef and potatoes. Spread out evenly over the pan. Increase the heat to high or medium high and press down on the mixture with a metal spatula.

3 Do not stir the potatoes and corned beef, but let them brown. If you hear them sizzling, this is good. Use a metal spatula to peek underneath and see if they are browning. If nicely browned, use the spatula to flip sections over in the pan so that they brown on the other side. Press down again with the spatula. If there is too much sticking, you can add a little more butter to the pan. Continue to cook in this manner until the potatoes and the corned beef are nicely browned.

4 Remove from heat, stir in chopped parsley. Add plenty of freshly ground black pepper, and add salt to taste.

Serve with fried or poached eggs for breakfast.

...'nuff said.

In the future, the universe is controlled by the Federation - Some people decide to rebel when orders are given to destroy earth but really this plot doesn't come across at all or make any sense what so ever.

It is extremely rare that I will not watch a film to the end no matter how terrible it is but this was just really dire. After 10 minutes I found my mind wandering, after 20 minutes I had no interest in any of the characters, story or plot - what there was of it. There was simple no level of emotion of realism in any of the performances.

The story as it stands is basically ripped off the old BBC series Blake's 7, which had the universe controlled by the Federation and their weapons system for controlling the climates on a thousand worlds was called Star One - all sounding very familiar - I mean at least give the bad guys a different name come on!

I am trying to think of some constructive comments to make about this movie. The FX cheap though they were at least were trying to create a sense of worlds and a universe within which these dull bland characters existed. Generally Hollyoaks is not the best place to find your lead actor and top criticism here has to go Darren Jacobs who is just plain bad. The chief Villain is just someone (The Director) doing a bad Bane voice with some awful CGI.

Because there is so much CGI and everything bar a few tiny sets is basically very sterile there is no sense of time or place. Characters were not well introduced, the script was really really poor and the space battles are just terrible.

It's really rare I will give such a low review but in this case there was no other option, rebellion or not.

Plot

This story is horrendous. I did my best, but I couldn't make sense of the plot, though I thought I could make head or tails of it when I was watching the trailer. Basically there is this spaceship and there are some people on it and around them there are a number of populated planets and moons, yet ask me what this all means and I won't be able to tell you.

Character Development

I didn't even know any of the character so I cannot say if any of them developed, but somehow I doubt it.

Acting

The acting, the hand to hand combat, the gun fighting and everything in between was awful. It just shows that you need some knowhow and talent to put a film together and it certainly helps when you got a working script for your actors to act from. I don't think I believe a single word anyone had said.

Overview

I gave this movie a chance because some of those that review it before me left room in their criticisms. Let me close that gap and say there is no way I am going to be watching the sequel. If you can believe it this film doesn't finish and leaves an opening to keep going. That would be a mistake because there is nothing good to continue. Better to make a fresh start in a completely new direction.