Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi

After George Lucas's execrable prequels and the mediocre The Force Awakens, I've learnt to keep my expectations low for any new Star Wars films in order to avoid total disappointment. Having just seen The Last Jedi, it appears that I haven't been keeping them low enough.

The reasons for my loathing are the same as those noted in the countless scathing reviews here on IMDb, so I won't go into drawn out detail - suffice to say that the film frequently beggars belief, is massively bloated, defies logic and is full of misplaced humour (the worst moments being the horrible 'steam iron' gag and BB-8's handy coin launcher).

3 out of 10, solely for the impressive special effects. Writer/director Rian Johnson shouldn't be allowed within 12 parsecs of another Star Wars sequel.

The original Star Wars films ("4-6" as we're now supposed to call them) were FUN. It's that simple. They had action, surprise, and a bit of humor. They were a treat for viewers young and old.

"The Last Jedi" is an overwhelming smorgasbord of dramatic side stories, multiple plots and conflicts, all stuffed into one film. Could the writers not agree on a single storyline to follow?

I get it. The film is supposed to be more dramatic, more emotional. Snore... I'm not a fan of emotional dramas. More power to you if you enjoy them. But again, this franchise is supposed to be FUN. Does anyone remember what fun feels like these days?

You have the heroes, the villains, and the battle between them. It's a tried and true action-packed formula that has served countless classic films.

Take, for example, this movie's long and winding exploration of Kylo Ren's inner feelings. I don't care. I'm not interested in the moody emo villain and his complex emotions. Again, heroes and villains. Action. Fun. Let's go.

I miss the magic of the original films. Unfortunately those days are long gone in a galaxy far, far away.

They spend so much money for CGI and budget. Can someone honestly answer, why they don't hire some of the best writers in hollywood? They have the cash.. Star Wars is a joke to them. RIP star wars

I love the Star Wars franchise. I was so anxious to watch The Last Jedi especially how The Force Awakens ended and how good The Force Awakens was. I bought my tickets a month and a half in advance in anticipation of episode eight.

As the movie started I was dialed in for the first 15 minutes then I noticed this subtle uneasiness in me like a disturbance in the force. It began with the interaction between Poe and Princess Leia. She made a comment and made a decision regarding Poe that I found a little unsettling. "OK." I thought. I didn't like that exchange but it's not a show stopper. The subtlety was that Leia was making it seem like the Rebels were in no need of heroes. They didn't need fighters anymore, they needed thinkers (or something akin to that). I took that little shift in philosophy in stride and kept eagerly watching. A couple of other small iniquities occurred but I soldiered forth watching with an open mind because it's "Star Wars".

Then, there came the interaction between Rey and Luke Skywalker.

Luke is part of movie folklore to me. Like many people have the one celebrity they'd like to meet: the one fictional character for me has always been Luke Skywalker. Luke was the first hero I'd seen wear black. He had piloting skills, light saber skills and could do Jedi mind tricks. He was the coolest.

Fast forward nearly 40 years and now Luke is an old man. So what I'm expecting is an older, WISER Luke. If Luke is on a deserted planet then it must be for a very good reason. And if Rey found him, much like Luke found Yoda, then Luke will have so much to impart upon Rey. That's not quite what went down. They made Luke a sullen pessimistic old man that was ignorant of simple truths. He offered so little; to the movie and to Rey. He was a shell of his former self, he was only good at being the ex machina. The Luke Skywalker in this movie was NOT the Luke Skywalker I knew. The Luke Skywalker I know was killed in this movie.

After seeing my fictional hero relegated to something unrecognizable I actually became bitter while watching the movie. There was almost nothing they could do to save the movie. And they didn't . In fact, it got worse. By the end the movie was more of what I should have saw coming: rebels running from the Republic and figuring out some remote yet heroic way to ward them off. And what added to the annoyingness of this movie is that they didn't know when or how to end it. What should have been the end was followed up by another half an hour mini movie with its own beginning, middle and end.

But unlike The Last Jedi I know how to end this post. Don't waste your time.

The Last Jedi is a well-made film; it's visually stunning and well directed. The problem is that it singlehandedly ruined the sequel trilogy by closing the second chapter with a dead end. There are truly baffling character decisions, awkward humor, useless subplots - it's by far the most frustrating Star Wars movie because of the potential it had. If it were 20 minutes shorter, it could have been something special, but the last act sees our characters in the exact same spot as they began. As a standalone movie, it's watchable. As the second part of a trilogy, it's a disaster.