A Talking Cat!?!

OK this has to be one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Firstly the actors are pure rubbish, the special effects are also rubbish and they don't even us the cat pictured on the poster for the movie. This movie is a total waste of time the kids didn't even like this movie and I personally lost interest after 10 minutes into it. Seriously don't watch this movie unless you want to waste your time all my family agree that this movie was rubbish and im sure a lot of people would say the same thing. I would not recommend this movie to anyone not even young kids. I rate this movie a 1 out of 10 because as I have already said its awful, unwatchable and a complete waste of time I actually have a hard time believing that someone would want to make this movie. The only good decision they made with this movie was putting it straight to DVD if I went to see this in the cinema I would be asking for a refund.

Inept beyond words. It makes the goofy Stakelander look lile "Shape of Water" . Music fit for a clown dance including honks and slide whistle. Bizarrely odd gesticulation worse than a small-town high school play. The talking-cat effect was done by a first grader. There was a baffling transition involving five consecutive shots of a car driving that lasted 75 seconds; just driving! The credits are in a class of their own. The cast does not seem to be high, but the production crew certainly was. The soundtrack included "la cucaracha" and "itsy bitsy spider", not joking. Monumentally, spectacularly inept.

I recently watched this "film" for my podcast, where we solely review awful movies. I painstakingly sat through it twice with a stopwatch and timed all of the runtime of the movie spent on establishing shots (there are FIFTY-SEVEN OF THEM), credits, and shots of the cat lying or waddling around. This sums up the movie better than anything:

Between the credits, establishing shots, and shots of the cat, those all take up THIRTY PERCENT OF THE 83-MINUTE RUNTIME. I have never seen a movie that so blatantly pads its runtime with scenery. And what's scarier than that is that there are literally dozens of instances (that I didn't time with the stopwatch) where the human characters are shown doing nothing but sitting and looking at things for several minutes at a time, or walking up stairs, or standing and looking at random objects. It is pathetic how poorly edited and shot this movie is.

Literally nothing happens in this movie. If you don't believe me, go see it. You'll go cross-eyed before you ever find anything resembling a plot. If this thing was competently made just from a sheer editing standpoint, it would be 4 minutes long...if that.

I defy anyone to make it through this direct to video disaster in one sitting. I know I couldn't. There is nothing, NOTHING even remotely redeemable about this mess. Zero production values, a canned and looped music score that would be far more fitting for interrogations of enemies of the state, painful performances from has been's (WTF how desperate were Kristine DeBell and Johnny Whittaker in order for them to debase themselves like this?!) along with a talentless cast of young up and comers, and -the coup de gras- the most unbelievable "talking cat" effect you will ever see. This entire video (I refuse to call it a movie) is an endurance test for only the most brave of souls. Your rage will set in after the first fifteen minutes, and from there on out it's a battle of wills to see who will emerge victorious. Many have tried. All have perished. Consider this your only warning.

Well, sure, I didn't really have much of any high hopes for this 2013 movie titled "A Talking Cat!?!". Why? Well, the movie's synopsis didn't really sell the movie all that well, and it seemed to be a questionable movie at best, and truth be told, having Eric Roberts as the voice of the talking cat wasn't really selling the movie.

But still, as I hadn't already seen the movie, I sat down to watch the 2013 movie from writer Andrew Helm and director David DeCoteau (credited as Mary Crawford!).

And this movie was bad alright, mark my words.

First of all, the storyline seemed like something that was written by a middle school student for a class act to be performed in front of an auditorium full of hopeful parents. Yeah, the storyline wasn't exactly riveting, nor particularly entertaining.

And to make matters worse, the cat shown on the movie's cover wasn't even the cat that was in the movie. The cat on the movie's cover/poster is an adorable and cute kitten, while the cat in the actual movie was more of a chunky adult cat - still cute though, as it is a cat. And to top it all off, Eric Roberts delivered the lines for Duffy the cat with as much gusto and enthusiasm as an inmate on Death Row. I was imagining Eric Roberts at the microphone with a 12 pack of beer in one hand and the script in the other. For all the people that they could have picked from, they chose that guy?

Well, the horror doesn't end there. And by that I mean the atrociously bad animated mouth they put on the cat when it delivered Eric Roberts' flat and monotonous dialogue. It was so fake and seemed like something taken out of a "South Park" episode. It was horrible to witness and such an eyesore.

"A Talking Cat!?!" is a movie that you shouldn't bother spending your time or effort on. Some of us suffered through the ordeal so you don't have to. Believe you me.

My rating of this 2013 abysmal movie settles on a generous two out of ten stars.