Hansel & Gretel

I have written a handful of reviews over the years and only a out movies that were lesser known and if I was pleasantly surprised by how good they were. This was not one of those movies unfortunately! I don't like to take sophist at movie makers as whether a movie is good or bad, a lot of effort is required to make a movie and I have the attitude that if I don't have something positive to say, then don't say anything at all, but I had to take exception with this one. Their were definitely some real corny scenes and dialogue in it that make you wonder how can anyone with half a mind make a movie like that, but it was created nonetheless. One scene in particular comes to mind, which is what prompted me to write this review, and that was the scene when Hansel and Gretel were helping the blond girl escape from one of the brothers and Gretel cut his throat. Hansel then responded " Hey, it was either him or us. " And he said that because she seemed distraught over the fact that she had to take a life and felt bad for doing so! That line really takes the cake for me as you have maniacs trying to kill and eat you, you kill one to help you escape and them you feel guilty and awful about it?? In any event, this movie had much more potential than was shown, unfortunately it was not reached. But I still watched it in it's entirety and if not anything else, it was one of those movies that was good because it was so bad, possibly take on a cult status, but I don't think that would be the case here. I have to add one more comment about Hansel when he starts eating himself, their were several scenes in which pain that should have existed, was not prevalent in this movie, especially as he devours his own body, no pain whatsoever as he acts like he's munching on a drumstick of chicken. I men come on, they could've at least made him feel the pain of eating his own arm, just saying! But what do I know about making motives, I just watch them!

Sorry Folks but any movie coming out the same year being posted as a same event is most definitely a rip-off.

One should be questioning the movie right at the get go with two twenty something year olds (referred to as "kids") named Hansel and Gretel.

Really? I would have shipped my parents off to Guam just for that alone.

Even if you're into blood and gore, it showed that the make-up dude was "in training" (I used to do triage make-up for the army....so trust me on this one).

I can't write much more without admitting to spoilers....yet...what's to spoil? What a joke.

Look...if you're like me, I just watch a movie for what it is worth, please feel free. The plot works if you're just into lazy horror. If you like to watch a movie for the first time and forget it later. This is a good movie...once and only once. As of this review the real "Hansel and Gretel:Witch Hunters" is now showing in theaters...today is 28 Jan 2013.

Anyway....Enjoy....Q(:-}

When somebody is really hurt, I mean there is slight panic, and you find a house, what is the first thing you say when familiar face opens the door? Think about it. In this movie the answer is "I did not know you lived here. Bla blah blah blah...Oh by the way: My brother here is bleeding to death."

This movie is embarrassing. The sound effects are so familiar. The story beyond predictable. But the food is good.

If you want a boo-movie this is the one for you.

The acting wasn't all that bad... Well it was but the script did not give them anything to work with. It feels like they all read a summary of a story and acted it out in somebodies backyard.

I know the requirement is to write 10 lines about a movie but that is because calling it by a 4 letter word would be to obvious.

There is something compulsively watchable about how notoriously bad The Asylum movies are, which is why I keep watching even if I know not to expect much. Hansel and Gretel is not the worst Asylum movie and I have seen worse movies generally but that doesn't stop it from being awful in an embarrassing way. The Asylum movies are rarely of good quality visually, and Hansel and Gretel is not an exception. Any attempts to give some atmosphere are badly hindered by choppy editing and the fact that it is far too bright when it could easily have benefited from a somewhat surrealistic look. The sound effects are bizarre and the scoring is generic. Fairy tales can work when modernised if done the right way. Done the right way Hansel and Gretel does not, all of the ideas it has comes across as derivative in alternative to having ideas of its own, and it is very difficult to enjoy the movie when you know what is going to happen next every time. The horror elements just don't work either, any suspenseful or tense build ups are next to nothing and all of the characters seem to be oblivious to what is going on. I also could tell from hearing the dialogue that Hansel and Gretel had absolutely no idea of what it wanted or was trying to be, having one moment where it is so simplistic it is almost childish and then another where it's all gory and foul-mouthed just doesn't gel and makes everything confused instead. The characters are cardboard with limited attempt at any kind of development and also come across as annoying. And the acting is bad, very bad even. Only Dee Wallace tries, though while she looks as though she's enjoying herself and she has the best lines(not saying much) she doesn't come as much of a threat, which was quite a big distraction considering that she is the main villain here. But not as glaring as the disasters with the script and story. All in all, not the worst that The Asylum has made but still a dud. 1/10 Bethany Cox

If IMDb and any other film review site had better than zombie brains, they'd automatically ban or hide any reviewers that gave this film a positive review. It would discourage the fake reviewers and the film makers from producing it (apparently losing money isn't enough of an incentive).

Not only was this horrifyingly predictable from the start, it immediately feels like you're watching something made for TV.

Put aside that and it has about 5 minutes of interesting content. For future horror film makers, if you're going to hang a hot chick up in hot underwear to get around TV censoring nudity, but want to look brutal and original, do what the posers behind this film failed to do: punch the chick in the bra and panties.