The Great Masquerade

Murder on the Emerald Seas (1974)

1/2 (out of 4)

A cop is trying to solve some bizarre murders and when he finally gets a lead it takes him to a cruise ship. This cruise ship is full of drag queens so the cop must go undercover in drag to find the killer.

Before landing an acting gig in the cult classic CHILDREN SHOULDN'T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS, Alan Ormsby co-wrote and directed this horrible comedy that I'm guessing was trying to become some cult film among the gay community. Wahtever it was trying to do it ultimately failed as there's really not too much going on here.

There's no question that the biggest problem with this film was the horrible screenplay. There are a lot of lame jokes throughout the picture but the most shocking thing is the fact that they try to play out this "mystery" when there's not a single interesting character and the situation itself is just plain stupid. None of the characters are entertaining and you certainly don't care about who the killer really is.

I'm really at a loss of words because this film is about as bad as it gets. As I said, the laughs were just horrid but I will say I laughed twice but that's not a good ratio. The performances are all rather silly but maybe they too didn't know what was going on. Ormsby would become a cult figure thanks to the Bob Clark film but there's just nothing here that shows he could direct and make a film entertaining.

The last three winners of a beauty contest held by a millionaire (Roberts Blossom) have been murdered. To curb this, he plans to hold this year's contest on a cruise liner called the Emerald Seas. The cops decide the best course of action is to send someone undercover in drag and officer Dave Collins (Robert Perault) has just the right figure for it. This is a real oddity. According to The Miami Times, it shot in Florida in the fall of 1973 with a budget of $300,000 with Alan Ormsby at the helm. It premiered with a PG rating in 1974, but somewhere along the line someone shot several nude scenes that end up released as Murder on the Emerald Seas (which is the one Vinegar Syndrome put out). It creates kind of a schizophrenic movie. Most of the comedy falls pretty flat (example: two old ladies accidentally sniff cocaine and they throw "booooing!" sounds on the soundtrack) but the cast is really giving their all. Probably best are Lee Sandman and John DeSanti as a coupla Italian mobsters. It is also funny to see Blossom in a comedic role with the knowledge he did ther serial killer pic Deranged (1974) for Ormsby and Jeff Gillen the same year. Oddly, Henny Youngman and Johnny Weissmuller show up in cameos.