Android Insurrection

I can't remember the last time I watched a film this bad. If I had downloaded it illegally I would still feel that I had been robbed! The only slight saving grace were some of the CGI shots, but even those could have been done on a Commodore 64. If I said the acting was wooden, I would be lying, it wasn't that good. The usual story line, "elite fighting unit" (sorry that made me laugh!) battling to destroy an artificial intelligence gone mad. Well it wasn't that smart, it spent the first 10 minutes of the film explaining the film and the last 10 minutes explaining what was happening after. Still, at least I know that I won't see a film that bad for a long time, so things are looking up.

A truly magnificent work of unintentional comedy, Android Insurrection is an astonishingly incompetent piece of film making. Sandwiched between opening and closing jumbo-sized slabs of expository monologue, the story is a fairly straight-forward military fantasy. Per contemporary convention, there's an elite team of arrogant meat-heads and hot babes who are the last line of defense against The Threat - in this case, robots. Of course, there are complications, and at least one major character discovery that anyone can see from the beginning of the movie.

Through the course of this tediously familiar journey, the actors stumble over dialog that doesn't serve to advance any story, but really just create argumentative conflict (often, lifting classic lines such as "skin job," and "nuke it from space"). And since we never really learn anything about most of the cannon fodder here, we don't really care when meat hits the fan. Which is frequently.

I'm no military expert, but if I were in a fire fight, I'd probably duck when the shooting starts. But not this "elite team." Sluggishly reacting against computer generated targets that were added later, the cast look as energized as my grandfather putting on the 4th hole at Leisure World. I'd like to blame that all on director Bellware giving his actors nothing but a green screen to act against. But these people can't even carry convincing conversation with one another. It doesn't help that the commanding colonel barks orders with a hilariously awful, stage-comic German accent (and why German, anyway?). But then, there's the red- haired android - a sort of eye-candy slurry of Cherry 2000's Melanie Griffith and the Fifth Element's Leeloo - who combines a clumsy interpretation of robot mannerisms with Valley Girl up-talking. Then again, maybe that really is "artificial intelligence."

In the end, though, there is one nutritious lump in this otherwise thin gruel: the technology design. The non-humanoid robots are really imaginative, and interesting to look at. But they don't carry a movie. Google some still shots, instead.

I will never get my $1.20 back, or the 30 minutes I spent watching this POS. This was truly one of the most amazing piece of crap I've ever seen. The hilariously serious "german" colonel with the Hitler mustache, the horrible CGI graphics, the fake dialog, terrible storyline, endless (for 30 minutes at least) walking around in someone's garage that had been decorated into a warehouse scene all worked together to nauseate my brain. I did not know that 1990's pickup trucks and 80's forklifts were going to survive into the year 2500!!! Wow, must go buy one and then park it in the garage, wait, they already did that here! Dang! I also noticed the missed GCI weapons firing shot, thought it was me, but went back and there she was, shaking that gun but no shots being fired. Truly amazing... Hope they didn't spend any more than $100 on the whole set. Unfortunately they'll make a million $$ only because of a good distribution - Shame on you RedBox! Don't rent this movie! It will only p** you off - after the laughter stops.

I am to submit 10 line.... acting? where? action nope. story line? heehaws nope! hot girls.... well maybe. good camera work on aforementioned hot girls? nope :( time wasted absolutely. made me sign up to this website yes!!! there should be fines for movies like this. possibly use as a "how not to" movie..... should not be on any shelf for monetary gain. I'm starting to think that me my phone my buds and a couple of girls from the bar can certainly make a go of the movie industry in the last couple of years.

I was in a glad mood when I started my evening but now its a glum situation!

It was the worst movie i've seen this year. Actually calling it a movie is an understatement, this wouldn't pass as a student film.

The effects are horrible, the maker could have improved massively by just watching any youtube tutorial on 3D and postprocessing. The actors are horrible, unable to even hold a basic conversation in a human fashion. The camera is horrible, capturing willingly minutes of exposition dialog while being unable to show what's happening during action sequences. And the script is horrible as i am still not sure what was actually happening here.

The general plot is very genereric. There is lots and lots of boring exposition dialog as filler. And yet it's so incomprehensive, i i still have no idea how this world functions. Then there are the attempts at drama and conflict, which are all way above what the actors are able to deliver. And the story twists are laughable and predictable.

This movie isn't even bad enough to be hillarous, it's just simply boring. The worst kind.