Bikini Spring Break

The acting is beyond bad, the plot is silly, there's not a hint of reality but the girls are really cute and there are plenty of topless scenes. I'm only human.

Please read in a slow sad and depressed voice.

I don't think I'll ever comprehend the mind of a woman, and why they do these things. Once again this film caters to social degenerates who never got any in the real. Or frat boy douche bags. There's no story, except woman get naked and wet and act like complete sluts. That's the moral of this film, women are objects that serve one purpose to men. The characters are portrayed as complete morons, but that's what makes them completely realistic. It's a bad movie, front and back. In fact, it's not even a movie, but more of a girls gone wild feature length film. These types of movie really make me question life, and if I should ever even get involved with another human being, the safe bet is no, keep doing what your doing. The film has no plot, no nothing. There is a reason why stuff like this is free on the internet, and why it should be kept away from film.

This movie saddens me deeply, but everything portrayed in the film is 100 percent realistic, so people don't need a paycheck to do this kind of stuff. I honestly tied not to fast forward through it, but it was mentally abusive, and I couldn't take it anymore.

Here is a sad and depressing review, as always, stay away from this film. Unless you're a fan of Asylum films, then knock your self out. Seriously.

From the cover DVD photo you can tell that the girls are as old as Saggy Maggie, and the one with the red wig is chubby as hells. Comedy my asshole. Keep looking if you want to watch a sexy comedy. There are two things that I do not do...guys and this movie. OMG why did I watch this movie for almost 22 minutes? My rabbit was recharging, and I needed to kill some time. The old and dated "Bikini Carwash Company" and "Bikini Summer" do a better blowjob of movie entertainment than this piece of poo-poo. Yes, I said it. Poo-poo and Doo-Doo is what this movie makes me think of when it is on the television. If there had been some "2Girls1Cup" action going' on in this one, at least it would have been shocking. Next time, just go for the gold and watch "Showgirls" 1995 with Jesse Spano. It's a guaranteed full on c-chubby.

For it's genre it's not bad. The group of women on their journey to the band competition are all attractive -- a couple are insanely hot but the director, DP, and editor did them no justice and should quit the industry. Great T&A -- which should be one of only two reasons to watch it.

I mentioned genre and I hate to use that word because it implies that the work is somehow comparable to what Netflix refers to as "Late Night Comedies." The more raunchy Skin-a-Max type of film. The script for this was weak but mostly fit the bill.

My problem was with continuity. You could be making a student film with that hot goth girl who acts totally disinterested but secretly obsesses with seeing herself on camera and still get the freaking continuity down. The direction and editing were amateurish, at best. The acting was so-so although I have to say Rachel Alig stands out. It's a shame she didn't get a better script.

If you are bored at night and don't want to watch another end-of-the- world documentary then this is an acceptable substitute. Otherwise, I'd pass.

Bikini Spring Break doesn't reach the atrocious depths that Celebrity Sex Tape and especially Sex Pot fell into. It is still a dire movie though, in fact none of the Asylum teen comedies are remotely good with Barely Legal being the least bad(and personal ranking for that movie was 3/10). The only things that stop Bikini Spring Break from being rated any lower are Robert Carradine, the best and only actor in the movie to reach decent level and the beauty of Rachel Alig. Other than that the acting is just awful, there is next to no knack for comic timing and like the other teen comedies from the Asylum the girls are hot but their acting talents certainly do not match. That's not all that bad in Bikini Spring Break. The characters are not interesting or likable in the slightest and are just plain obnoxious. The dialogue is the very meaning of crass and unfunny as well as unbelievably stupid. The story just isn't there and is little more than an excuse to string along tired comedy and nudity scenes, never does it seem to go anywhere. The direction also seems to be non-existent, it reads of just do what you think you can do best and we'll capture it on screen quality, and seems to be reliant on the actors rather than the dialogue. Seeing as the acting is bad, that was a failure. The production values look cheap, the scenery and lighting look over-saturated and plastic-looking, and the editing was clearly done by an amateur. The soundtrack and such is not particularly memorable and does very little in driving the movie, it just seems...there for the sake of having to be there. All in all, not the worst of the Asylum teen comedies but still dire. 2/10 Bethany Cox