Chupacabra vs. the Alamo

Chupacabra vs The Alamo Directed by Terry Ingram. Written by Peter Sullivan and Jeffrey Schenck

This is it. We made it. We made it through all seven movies of the Chupacabra Festival. It took some rearranging when two of the movies were lost at sea. It took some booze and some burritos and jerky to get through them all. It even took a refresher documentary to remember what the Chupacabra actually was. I'm here and ready for the final movie, the one I specifically saved for the very end. Erik Estrada decked out in full leather riding his trademarked motorcycle against a pack of Chupacabras. I'm ready.

This movie starts out promisingly with a brutal attack and the chupacabra is fairly small like the reports described. I was pretty excited at this point. It didn't matter that it was originally broadcast on television. Chupacabra Terror was also a Sci Fi channel original. I was pumped and gearing up for some genuine chupacabra action. Then the movie fell flat on its face even with the low expectations that these movies engender.

The chupacabras are a pack of very sick but super strong dogs. They eat people very easily. They are also a million of them and nobody seems to believe the motorcycle cop. These things are everywhere and wreaking all kinds of havoc. They put some effort into it. Not a bunch mind you. The green screen bike riding was a chuckle fest worthy of the Sci-Fi channel original movies. The action scenes are naturally a jumbled mess. It was obvious that they didn't have the money to give this premise the full treatment.

Tons and tons of b roll shot separately of San Antonio skyline, Riverwalk and of course the Alamo but it was obviously not shot at the same time as this production or even with the same camera. This is to be expected with these kinds of movies. The title is definitely misleading because the Alamo is just a building. Unlike Airplane vs Volcano, there is no special situation where the title is able to make sense. It takes the story of the Alamo and the last stand of Davy Crockett and his ilk and transplants it onto this story of Erik Estrada and compatriots against the CGI chupacabra dogs. They brandish their guns and their can do attitude against these monsters.

This is the movie you absolutely think it will be based on the description and the title alone. It is designed not to be taken even remotely seriously. It lives on meta jokes and ridiculous situations and tropes. It handles these things in a rather sloppy manner. It is funny in moments because the movie clearly does not care one iota about being a traditionally good movie. It is there to bust balls and create some joy. It does that but it becomes too much for too long after a while. There is only so much laughter I gleam from intentionally bad films. What is the chupacabra anyway?

I give this film a D.

This movie was entertaining to watch if you can overlook the script which was badly written for the most part but it did have some good action scenes. The special effects were average at best except for the blood and gore which were excellent The actors did a good job considering what they had to work with and the cinematography was good except for the motorcycle scenes which were mostly badly filmed.

Good old Erik still does a semi-cohesive and usually believable performance (as he always has), along with a pretty decent cast. However the motorcycle driving sequences against the fake backgrounds were horribly bogus and right out of the 40's. Should have skipped those images altogether.Flashbacks to CHIPS are unneeded and Erik is more believable in a rugged Jeep than a bike. Budget concerns aside, the director needs to be horse whipped. The creature was well done and looks just what I imagine a Chupacabra would look like, if there is such a thing. Erik isn't reaching for the stars here, but this vehicle keeps him visible as a prominent B Actor who carries significant gravitas as a TV actor working in B Movies.

This film was never going to win any awards. It doesn't possess any of the redeeming qualities that a half-decent movie might have, like memorable or relatable characters, a coherent plot, some kind of theme or even some cheap scares. If that's what you were hoping for, then I have to wonder what lapse in judgement led you to seek out a movie like this.

What it does have is something that I think straddles the boundary between kitsch and camp. The ridiculous nature of everything that happens here is almost, maybe, intentional: from the "release the hounds" and "there's a bunch of chupacabras up in here", to the ultimate battle at the Alamo which seems to satirize the absurdity of that historical event.

If you don't think about the Taco Bell Chihuahua for just a second while watching this movie, you probably won't truly enjoy it. It's a terrible film without any pretense of artistic merit. If you can go into it with that in mind, I hope you can enjoy it as well as I have.

... Besides, doesn't some part of you want to know who wins?

While its far from the worst movies, this one is both boring and not that enjoyable. There barely any story to be found in this movie with it being a pack of Chupacabra attacking a city. The movie try to have a explanation on why they are there, but its brief and not that interesting. I don't remember that much in the movie other than the CGI Chupacabra that looks awful and looks like it belongs in a PlayStation 2 game. Most of the action is characters shooting at them and they are easily taken down with one shot which show that these aren't a greatest threat unless you have a long range weapon. Also, they are strong for some reason which the movie doesn't explained that part. The acting is both stiff and pretty bad on how it deliver. Other parts like the characters, the special effects, and the side plot aren't that interesting to talk about.

Chupacabra vs. The Alamo is a movie that is best avoid and forgotten.