Freeze

Pure garbage!

This movie starts off with 35 minutes of pointlessness.

That's act 1. I don't want to write spoilers here so I'll just tell you it doesn't get better, it gets worse and worse and worse.

The plot holes are massive. I mean you would have to suspend all reality of society to believe some of the things that occur to set up the "story" or "plot" or whatever this thing is.

There are other parts where you will just shake your head and ask: Why. That's the main question. This is utter nonsense. Unless you're into watching a plot that moves in ways that confuse you and make you annoyed, I would avoid this movie. Not good.

Don't get me wrong now, I absolutely love the horror industry, and when considering movies, I do my very best to find excuses for weaker ones. I can talk about the budget, the experience of the people involved in the making, the conditions, the meddling from the studios and so on.

Freeze failed on absolutely every aspect:

• terrible monsters. The costumes weren't abysmal but their movement, the sounds just amateur all the way.

• killshots. Whenever it is time for a killshot or for some suspense, we get fade to black and a scream.

• effects. Practical but sadly all bad.

• plot. Definitely not ok. You witness more dialogue than anything else.

• no tensions, eyecandy, nudity, gore.

Sadly it really is a prime example of how not to do a horror. For me it looked more like live theatre, also done very badly. It just did not work and it is absolutely impossible to take it serious.

You need about 15 minutes and you realise that this one...is not good.

Cheers.

Poor acting, poor costumes, poor looking monsters and this is just the 5 min of the movie. Poor acting goes into over acting by hamming it up like a cheap thespian on stage in Bognor Regis. The creatures remind me of the Jon Petwee , Dr Who series run of rubber monsters. Seriously this movie is not worth your time because it sucks on a huge scale. 1/10 for being the worst movie to call itself an horror movie. I haven't left any spoilers in this review because there is no worthy spoilers to be given away in truth because the film is just so awful. If anyone can justify making this movie I will be astounded but I am going for tax loss reasons!

I sat down with a friend to watch this believing it to be a monster horror film. My friend will watch almost anything, the worst TV shows, low budget garbage, really anything at all, but 15 minutes into this and he asked to turn it off. It really is that bad. This movie , in what we saw, has nothing going for it. There is no atmosphere of horror, it looks like they could only afford partial costumes for some of the cast, the acting was like bad dinner theatre, the one female cast member had a modern haircut and looked like she stepped in from some other film, the monsters looked like cheap knock-offs from the Creature from the Black Lagoon films, and everything about this looked cheap and amateurish. Had we continued watching maybe it would have become a so bad it's funny movie, but my friend who'll watch the worst junk out there insisted we give up and I agreed.

I used to believe I'd happily watch any old crap if it was connected to the Lovecraft mythos. I don't believe that anymore.

There's this constant sense that you're watching adults perform in a film written and directed by precocious children. Emotional reactions and behaviour are unconvincing, to put it charitably, and you don't have to know the specifics of history to instinctively know that those uniforms, those guns, that ship, Beatrice Barrilà's hair, the Zippo lighter, a grammaphone and the pastiche of 1930s-ish orchestral jazz that's playing on it do not remotely fit together in the same year. Anything is allowed to be here as long as it's vaguely old-timey; why make any more effort than that? And that's before the captain starts Duke-Nukeming quips such as "Eat this!" or the movie's cackling villain tells the captain that his "puny human brain can't concieve" of how good and fun his plan will be, mwa-ha-ha-haaaa. That's not even the only time that character says "puny human". It's so bad.

The only reason those costumes are here - really, the only reason this film exists - is because of season one of The Terror (which, lest we forget, was set in the 1840s). It's painfully obvious. Every diversion the plot tries to make from that can only be made via yet another crudely impersonated drama: Apocalypse Now, Aliens, The Thing. Please don't think, "Hey, I like all of those things!" You won't like this. When you're watching a Deep One wriggle on the spot as if there's a musical number playing, it'll also put you in mind of The Mighty Boosh. It's hard to square the idea that this monster type is your evolutionary superior with the visual appearance of a Halloween house worker.

Cliché-riddled community theatre, and it can't even be bothered to complete its very simple mission by the time the credits roll.