Haul Out the Holly

I love Hallmark movies. And I think we can all agree that Lacey Chabert is now the undisputed Queen of Hallmark movies. And Wes Brown is one of their most handsome and likable stars.

But this movie was like watching upside down Hallmark, especially given all the great Hallmark Christmas movies that I've recently watched:

Family for Christmas (with Lacey in a much better movie); Three Wise Men and a Baby; Next Stop Christmas; The Royal Nanny; Ghosts of Christmas Always; Christmas By Starlight; On the 12th Date of Christmas; Just in Time for Christmas; The Christmas Secret; Lights, Camera, Christmas; and Christmas at the Golden Dragon

Emily's boyfriend was a bit of a caricature, but I was ready to get past that and into the rest of the movie. But then we get a flashback of little Emily's parents preventing her from opening presents on Christmas morning because they need to go work at the carnival??? What? That's not comedy, that's just really messed up. Strike 2

And then Emily is invited by her parents to come spend Christmas at home, only to have them pack up and leave the moment she gets there. What??? Strike 3

At this point, I was thinking the movie was intended to be some sort of satire or farce or something (the trailer made it seem like it would be funny), but I wasn't finding it funny- just annoying. But I thought that at least Emily seemed normal. She was understandably incredulous at seeing both her parents leave the way they did. And when her childhood friend Jared came by to start applying weird HOA rules, she pushed back. Good for her. So I stuck with it.

But then Jared came over again, in stalker mode, crawling around her deck. What?? And then he issued some sort of silly violation that required her, as punishment, to spend two hours helping the neighbors set up their decorations. And, for some reason, she agreed.

All this after she made it perfectly clear that she just wanted to chill during the holidays.

This is where my hope for a movie turnaround began to evaporate, especially when Emily starting going along with the HOA planning which, aside from being creepy and obsessive, seemed a little late (it was supposedly just one week before Christmas). A community this bonkers over decorations would have been prepping right after Halloween. I almost turned it off, but I almost never turn off a Hallmark movie. So I kept watching and hoped, somewhat desperately that, like so many Hallmark movies, Emily would wake up from this nightmare, and realize it was all just a bad dream. But no.

There have been several Hallmark movies that, unfortunately, seem to celebrate over the top competitive decorating (Making Spirits Bright comes to mind). Those kinds of movies seem to miss the Spirit of Christmas. And this movie was the antithesis of what I've come to love about Hallmark which normally celebrates love, family, kindness, helping others, good values, a fulfilling career, and a HEALTHY sense of community. As a lawyer, I've been involved in a lot of litigation involving HOAs which are often torn apart by discord. It can really get ugly. This was an unpleasant reminder of the kind of control freaks who sometimes take control of HOAs.

The movie did have some interesting aspects and better moments. For example, I loved the shout out to the classic Notting Hill ("I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy...")

Eventually, Emily and Jared had some fun banter halfway through with some fun jokes about Nickelback and Creed

Pamela bragged about having a "Phd in arts and crafts and a minor in scrapbooking".

One of my favorite Hallmark stars Kristopher Polaha showed up and bragged about telling his unfiltered daughter "see something, say something". And I liked his daughter's answer to "have you been naughty or nice?"- "A little bit of both"

But the rest? Ugh.

At first it was fun to see Stephen Tobolowsky, who played Ned Ryerson in the classic Groundhog Day, playing another Ned in this movie (points for that). Ned asked to use rebar for one of the styrofoam snowmen, which were obviously fake (more so than they usually are). I kinda liked that. But his character was more often an over the top joke who talked about wanting to build a retractable roof so he could grow a 60 foot tree in his living room. Huh?

Hallmark knows how to make funny movies, as this year's big hit Three Wise Men and a Baby demonstrates. But Paul Campbell can't write all their movies. This was a disappointment for me, especially given how likable the 2 leads are. But as they said in The 12th Date of Christmas, "they can't all be winners".

Lacey Chabert is one of our favorites, so we looked forward to this. We're not the only big fans ... that's why they made her their new spokesperson for Christmas movies after other stars signed with GAF.

However, this movie just annoyed me from start to finish. The writers went for zany and quirky and slapstick. Three swings, three misses.

The HOA part of the plot seemed overbearing and intrusive and ALWAYS over the top. The movie wasn't full of "Christmas spirit", but anti-social, antagonistic, controlling neighbors I might have been driven to burn out.

I was ready to bag it by the "set up the reindeer" scene, but my wife held on to desperate hope for improvement for somewhat longer. A few minutes later, she succumbed to the desire to stop the pain.

Lacey and Wes did a really good job with the script they were given but there was just no way to save this monstrosity. The writer, Andy Sandberg, created a mess that never should've seen the light of day and yet someone produced it anyway.

To think that this movie is supposed to be family friendly only makes it so much worse. People with children are watching this disaster!

The whole movie is based on super intense peer pressure and a total disregard for the leading character's boundaries. The lead is constantly pressured, to the point where I'd call it harassment, to participate in over-the-top Christmas events which are blatantly labelled as obligations. I'm normally not so bothered about movies skirting the lines of moral but this one is just too appaling.

The very obviously fake snow and perfectly round fake snowpeople fit perfectly with the supporting characters who are all in desperate need of a psychiatrist. And let's not forget the immature love interest. The movie starts out with "Emily" dumping her manchild jerk boyfriend, only to meet another annoying grown baby who has absolutely no regards for her boundaries.

The very worst part is that none of these trainwreck characters ever change, they all stay just as obnoxious, tacky, and invasive to the very end. But hey, it's Christmas so let's just cheer for the message this movies sends...

This was a disaster. They tried to do Christmas comedy with romance but failed. This is a story about a woman played by Lacey Chabert hallmark house name who isn't the most Christmas cheerleader going back home to a place that is all Christmas joy. This was supposed to be a movie about finding the joy and happiness of Christmas. But instead it became unbearable to watch. All the characters were over the top cliche that were too annoying. It wasn't funny or magical . They tried to do romance story but it didn't work. I love the actor another hallmark actor but the character was as annoying as everyone else in this movie.

This could have worked better but when most of the characters including the awful parents are annoying there is nothing to make you enjoy the movie.

There is a little thing that I noticed. I think I saw Lisa Chabert Wearing the same white sweater in a Christmas movie before. Look in "Time for Us to Come Home for Christmas" from last year. It's the same.

Haul Out The Holly (2022) -

None of the writers, directors and actors of these films can do comedy well enough to get away with this travesty of a film.

It was a sort of interpretation or variation of the equally terrible 'Christmas With the Kranks' (2004) or the so awful that I switched it off - 'Battle Of The Bulbs' (2010).

A story of a cul-de-sac of houses obsessed with decorating for the season and all competing against each other, as well as the other streets in town, but because it's a Hallmark film there had to be a romance too.

It contained all of the usual characters to be found in these extreme and over the top films. The ones that are so in your face that they could only be in comedy, but aren't really all that funny.

That of course meant Stephen Tobolowsky in the role of Ned, but surprisingly he wasn't the worst bit about this film, at least he didn't stand out as bad, because that's the type of character he had always played, in 'Groundhog Day' (1993) or 'Glee' (2009-15) for instance. He would have fit perfectly as Arnie's neighbour in 'Jingle All The Way' (1996), it was that kind of thing.

What I didn't expect however, was for Wes Brown, who had been one of my favourite leading men and tended to melt my bitter and twisted heart a little in previous films, to deliver a "Leading Man" so poorly conceived and with such an unattractive personality in the form of Jared. He seemed totally uninterested in Emily and more keen to be a jerk instead.

As such, much praise should be given to Lacey Chabert, whom in the role of Emily, had to put up with all of these terrible excuses for comedians, playing love interests, neighbours and awful parents.

Ultimately the whole construct of things tainted the relationship and made the romance almost non existent and a surprise when it actually came about.

It was full of lovely Christmas bits though, even some elements that haven't occurred that regularly, but I saw no real romance and very little to laugh at, in this "Romantic""Comedy".

I was glad that the kids used in the flashbacks weren't in it for long, because they were sooo cheesey.

The parents were terrible actors too and their characters ridiculously stupid, thank God that they were hardly in it.

In fact everyone was far too much, exaggerated and pantomimic. I obviously prefer the straight acted films, but this was a bad idea, even as a comedy.

A couple of other leading men (Eric Mabius & Kristoffer Polaha) turned up and I had to wonder if they'd been kidnapped from a set in the next street, because they almost seemed a bit lost and out of place, as if they refused to be a laughing stock and they still delivered better than the rest.

Also are all American's houses so big?

And couldn't they have at least pretended to have real snowmen? Polystyrene balls of various sizes are a bit too obvious.

I would probably have turned it off if I hadn't just sacked off another film minutes before. I felt guilty that I might have been in a mood or something and that it would be unfair to the films, but they really were that bad, I can't believe I got to the end of this one.

As somebody who's not one for the ladies, it was odd, but I would probably say that it was Lacey Chabert who got me through it.

3/10.