Alien Tornado

We all know the drill on SyFy channel movies. You can't compare them to anything other than previous SyFy channel movies. With shoestring budgets and B & C grade actors (mostly C), they crank out their "original" movies with regularity and zero surprises.

Alien Tornado did not break this tradition. This one was just slightly on the low side of the scale. The script was ridiculous, the characters thoroughly unappealing (I'm used to that), and the CGI SFX were only average. Now that home PC's with the latest processors can do the third level CGI that SyFy utilizes, you'd think they'd use the savings to ramp up the writing or actor expenditures. They don't. This one didn't even have any former stars in a cameo role.

The only reason to watch these things is because you're stuck at home and nothing else is on. And, of course, because you can figure out the plot by the first commercial break, and after that you can leave the room for a few minutes at any time and not worry about missing anything vital to the story.

This one was so completely silly and contrived that even hard core fans of SyFy movies will be disappointed. Not to worry. They'll be punching out another one in a few weeks. Ice Twisters vs. Alien Tornado perhaps? Paul Birkett wrote both. You know he's thinking about it.

The usual silliness from the SyFy Channel. Jeff Fahey - who remains a solid, dependable stalwart of an actor, as always - plays a farmer who has to contend with tornadoes on his land. Except, of course, this being a sci-fi movie after all, these weirdly glowing tornadoes are actually electrified extraterrestrials!

Yes, it's as silly and as cheesy as you'd imagine from the title and premise, a film packed full of terrible special effects and worse acting. Aside from the aforementioned Fahey, viewers are treated to Kari Wuhrer (who looks like she's a fan of plastic surgery) as a glamorous stormchaser and David Jensen (complete with whiny voice) as a leader of some nefarious government agents also out hunting the aliens.

The action, when it occurs, is invariably disappointing, because the producers just don't have the budget to do justice to the premise. So viewers are left laughing along at the premise and enjoying the mildly diverting adventures. Yes, this is terrible, but also terribly inoffensive with it - just your average B-movie fun.

On a windy day in the country, pretty in her pony-tail Stacey Asaro (as Kelly Walker) gets off the school bus and checks her mailbox. Thrilled at receiving great SAT scores, Ms. Asaro shares the news with scruffy-looking, bearded daddy Jeff Fahey (as Judd Walker). He doesn't seem as excited. Although she claims to be 17-years-old, daughter Asaro probably lies to cover being in high school for several extra years. She should be both unashamed and happy, and Mr. Fahey should be jumping for joy. Their celebration is interrupted when the wind builds to a dangerous tornado. Meanwhile, in Chicago, storm-chaser and climate expert Kari Wuhrer (as Gail Curtis) detects a tornado on her laptop. These tornadoes are not normal. They glisten with green light, shoot out lightning bolts and move around like they're a form of intelligent life...

Syfy should probably stop trying to make serious science-fiction and just concentrate on comedies. That doesn't mean sci-fi movies can't be made on a low budget. The Syfy channel simply doesn't know how to do them. In fact, good science-fiction films can be made on even lower budgets. The aforementioned players take their assignment much too seriously, although the two leading women wear tight tank tops. The name appearing most often in the credits is Ken Badish, with Jeff Burr directing. They succeed mostly with cartoon-like villain David Jensen (as Armstrong) and likewise toned Sheriff Willard E. Pugh (as Norman "Norm" Mackey). The one who really captures the true worth of her surroundings is corpulent Claire Conti (as Denise Gordon). Her performance as the bubbly, obese climate assistant is a tornado of fun.

** Alien Tornado(2012-04-21) Jeff Burr ~ Jeff Fahey, Kari Wuhrer, Stacey Asaro, Willard E. Pugh

I had no illusions that this was a Oscar worthy blockbuster, but this movie is not one of the worst that Syfy has produced. This is a decent production that has comical acting and situations, CGI from the 1800s and matching bad guy uniforms. This movie definitely makes you groan at cheesy dialogue, scream in annoyance at the screen and ironically laugh at somber and tragic situations. Watch this when you have absolutely NOTHING else to do. You could do worse.

Giving a bad review to a SyFy movie is not really a challenge. It's so blatantly obvious thing to do that one has to think twice if it is even worth the time to type the bashing these films more often than not deserve. I'm beginning to feel like this is SyFy's strategy: keep churning out junk under the guise of light entertainment, because there are enough people that kinda enjoy passing their time watching these films and then there are those, like myself, who end up watching these in hopes something has changed.

Nothing has changed here. The images and the characters both are flat, the CGI is sub-par, and the script would again benefit from proofreading. Not that I don't trust the writers' English skills, but maybe a few more brains in the works would help in creating more passable builds of suspense, more pronounced motivations for characters etc. You know, a bit more oomph than tornadoes that are of alien origin coupled with the stock characters one can expect in such circumstances.

I've seen worse acting, and I've spent my time more foolishly, but to say that seeing a certain film is NOT the stupidest thing one can do is not really a compliment, now is it?