Storage Hunters

This show is awful. The husband-wife couple are tacky. Brandon and Lori do not have very good interpersonal skills. Lori acts like an hick. Sean,the auctioneer is a poor excuse for an auctioneer. If a person listens to a professional auctioneer, they would realize how bad he is. He just trills his tongue in between bids. The producers need to send Sean to auctioneer school. The interaction between the principals is such poor acting. Also do not not care for the way the auctioneer is present when the bidders go through the storage units. A poor imitation of Storage Wars!!!! A waste of good TV time. Can the producers/show developers need to come up with new ideas for shows instead of making knockoff shows!!!!!

Storage Hunters is a reality show about people that bid on abandoned storage bins around the USA. The locations differ from episode to episode, sometimes being in the desert, others in the city and occasionally in the docks. What I have learned from these shows is as follows:

1) There is only one auctioneer in the whole of America

It is a bald man called Sean. He waves his arms around and goes "Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" a lot. He wears a 'Staff' T-shirt but, seeing as he flogs stuff at a different location on every show, must be hired at a lot of places simultaneously. He fist-bumps people and thinks of looky-likey type nicknames for the unnamed, non-bidding crowd members in an entirely, 100% genuine, non-scripted way. Sean is my hero.

2) There are only five people who are permitted to bid on auctions in America

They are a husband and wife team with all the personality of a spit- drenched rag, a black guy that shouts "Money!" a lot, a man with a big beard, a guy with big sideburns and some old redneck guy. They all hate each other for no discernible reason. Other people are allowed to watch, but they can neither bid on nor win anything.

3) Winning auctions in America makes people angry

Whenever anyone stops bidding, someone else wins. The losers then get angry at the winners even though they could have kept bidding and won themselves. I don't understand why they feel the need to do this, but at least I now feel suitably prepared for an auction situation in the future.

4) There is only one person in America who is qualified enough to snip through a padlock with some bolt cutters

His name is Green Mile and he hangs around with Sean. He must be a hugely skilled professional or why else would the producers pay for him to travel the country just to perform one menial task? Green Mile is my hero.

5) Every storage bin in America is required by law to contain a load of seemingly worthless junk, with one piece of incredibly valuable loot hidden somewhere at the back.

Think it's all dog food? Wrong - there is a diamond-encrusted collar in a tiny box under a bag of kibbles. Think it's all cuddly toys? No - you'll find an Electric Supercar in there somewhere if you look hard enough. I like this rule. It makes every auction ultimately pay off.

6) In America, no matter where you are in the Country, it is possible to somehow instantaneously summon up an expert in anything you can find in a random box-full of crap.

"Hey, look! I've bought an old propeller! I know a guy who can tell me everything there is to know about this. I'll call him now, and he'll be here immediately. Even though I'm from Boston and am currently in Palm Springs". That kind of thing.

7) People who buy stuff at clearance auctions are qualified to value anything off the top of their heads

Bidder: "What is it?"

Sean the Auctioneer: "It's an old door"

Bidder: "This is worth seven hundred bucks!"

Note - 3 seconds earlier he didn't even know what it was. Now he can value it to the dollar. It's like auction magic!

Well, there you go - the 7 rules to American auctions.

Trust me: Reality TV doesn't get much more reality-er than this.

It's literally just a bunch of fat typical Americans fighting and dropping large amounts of money on each unit. The characters are absolutely horrible. The main couple is just a fat, irritating, typical American while her husband is just a jack a$$ with an anger problem. The auctioneer is so over-hyped about everything. He also just constantly trills his tongue during each auction and it gets unbearable about half way through an episode.The black guy is so desperate to be memorable that he uses his catchphrase (or rather catch word, "MONEY!", whenever something good happens. The worst part is that he says this probably 20-30 times per episode and sometimes more as he says this to bid a lot. Then there's that greasy bastard with the pork chops and cheap sunglasses. It's so obvious that he's trying to be the Dave Hester of this show it's sickening. All he does is crank the price up on each unit then get in a fight with the main guy. There's one more guy but he's just another fat cock with no skill in anything. All he does is make horrible jokes alluding to his drinking problem, unattractive ex-girlfriends and his weight but rarely buys anything. All in all it's just another shitty storage auction show but the one thing that makes it unique from ANY other show in history is how horrible the characters are and the show is at least 50% fighting.

This is not a show. This is surveillance footage. At a retirement home for the demented. Where everybody plays a character, the character in their own head. Maybe this is the way things go in the States. And that is fine with me. But watching the trash digging thought the trash? And even if that is your thing, it's less than a couple of minutes after at least 10 of camera zooming around.

Contact me with Questions, Comments or Suggestions ryitfork @ bitmail.ch

Yet again, another network scores with a hit, and TRU tries to capitalize and a cheap imitation, and FAILS miserably. They give you NOBODY on the show who is even worth rooting for as an underdog. Where as on A&E, everyone seems to find something likable in most of the participants (even the "Villains"). In this version, there is absolutely nobody worth liking.

When I watch this (and ONLY when there's zero else on the TV), I honestly hope everyone goes broke each and every time (and that includes the auctioneer). That's how little anyone on this show Heck, the Baggage hunters show has at least one likable set of participants. But not here.

If this one could get negative stars for their rating, that's what they would get.