Night Claws

Well, what can be said about "Night Claws"? For starters, then it really seemed like a movie that should have been made in the late 1980's, because it had that distinct late 80's horror feel to it. And is that good or bad? Well, in a sense it was nostalgic, but entertainment-wise, then it made the movie come off as a joke.

The story in "Night Claws" is about some Big Foot creature terrorizing a forest. It is a vicious and bloodthirsty creature that kills just about any sentient creature that ventures into the forest. Why? Well for no apparent reason. It just kills because it can. There is very little meat on the storyline for this movie, which made it even more hard to sit through and not fall asleep.

Let's move on to the acting. Where was it? The people in this movie were so unenthusiastic that it was just downright ridiculous. The performances put on by the actors and actresses in this movie was just horrible to behold. There wasn't a single memorable performance here.

So what worked for the movie? Well, oddly enough, the Big Foot wasn't actually that shabby to look at, the few times you actually got to see it, which was far in between, mind you. And the music wasn't too bad either, though at times it sounded like something from a horror musical of sorts.

I am giving "Night Claws" a 3/10 rating solely based on the design of the Big Foot creature and the 1980's feel there was to the movie, because everything else was not really worth mentioning.

This movie tried to bring in a lot of plot points and twists and random, movie-cliché junk. It was as if it was trying to be multiple different movies whilst simultaneously failing at all of them. Not worth the watch.

This is what I would call an utterly formulaic, check-the-box kind of movie.

Dumb as a bag of hammer's sheriff who steadfastly refuses to accept the evidence? Check .

Hot-headed, belligerent idiot who wants to pick fights with everyone else in the movie? Check.

Air-headed, sweet-natured bimbo married to hot-headed idiot? Check.

Tough-as-nails female character, a la Ripley from Alien? Check.

Vigilante mob who wants to storm the forest to kill the monster? Check.

Brassy, smart collegiate "expert" to clash with the dumb as a bag of hammers sheriff? Check.

It's as though the creative time behind this movie went out of their way to include every cliche character archetype from every horror movie ever in this movie. I am a fan of good "bad" horror movies. This isn't one of those. The biggest horror about this movie was that it was made, at all.

My friend Mike looked at me and asked, "Wanna come over to my house Friday night? We're gonna have tons of booze, play games, watch stupid horror movies, and even try a Ouija Board." He had me at "tons of booze." So I showed up Friday night but I skipped the card games because I suck at poker. I went downstairs and 10 people were about to watch a movie. I asked, "What movie are we watching?" and sat down. The guy next to me shrugged. "I think some Sasquatch movie." I thought he was talking about some Sasquatch documentary. But as the opening credits came on I saw the words "Midnight Releasing" and I said out loud, "Oh s***." Everyone laughed at that. But they should have known it was no laughing matter.

Midnight Releasing is a production company that is notorious for putting out horror movies so garbage even Uwe Boll would be unable to watch. I went to their website once and checked out their trailers. It was just one piece of garbage after the other. I shouldn't have watched this Night Claws movie. But I thought the booze would make it tolerable. It didn't.

Immediately, when the movie began we're shown the obligatory "young people having sex in a secluded area" scene. During the sex, the inevitable girl stops the sex because she heard something part, where the guy says, "Probably just the wind". Followed by "There it is again. John, go into that creepy dark, forest and check out that terrifying sound" part.

Although the movie already started downhill, it goes further downhill by the minute. The acting is atrocious. Plus, a lot of the voice work for the outdoor scenes sounded like it was post-synchronized in an indoor setting. Plus, the script was bad. Unnecessary scenes and people arguing with each other because the writer thought that was necessary for the plot, or something. The regular stock characters in horror were there: the bimbo; the selfish jerk who acts aggressively to everyone for little or no reason; the deranged redneck who knows about the creature; the violent redneck who wants to do whatever he can to kill it; the old, guttural-voiced sheriff who relies on some scientist to inform him on the creature; and the plethora of random people who are just thrown in to increase the kill count.

The special effects is stuff any guy off the street could do. There's this one scene that is extremely dark but it's clear that it was filmed at daytime and darkened with a filter. In this scene, they build a fire. But it's painfully obvious the fire is computer-generated. The computer animated "fire" looked like Super Mario Bros. graphics.

There actually isn't any gore in this movie. For a monster movie to lack gore, that's truly awful. I'll just stop here. To be honest, this is the type of movie only for those horror fans looking for a horror movie where it's obvious the filmmakers just wanted to make a stupid horror without any thought to being scary, original, suspenseful, or innovative. It's clear everyone involved with this movie knew this movie would suck. And if you watch this movie, you'll know it's gonna suck within the first 10 minutes. 1/10 stars from me only because a zero rating isn't allowed on this site.

NIGHT CLAWS opens with two amorous young people being turned into human salsa by the hairy horror of the title! The next day, we're introduced to Sheriff Joe Kelly (schlock omni-god, Reb Brown!), and his deputy, Roberta Glickman (Sherrie Rose). Police are stumped as they sift through the various body parts.

Meanwhile, a trio of hunters are tracking the creature, and a group on a survival training hike are introduced. Many deaths ensue, as the hunters are hunted and the hikers find survival to be... difficult. This Bigfoot isn't just deadly, it's fast!

Enter Professor Sarah Evans (Leilani Sarelle), who has been sent in by the government to assist Kelly and company.

Oh my!

A group of local youths have decided to have a beer bash in the woods! Will anyone be around to be hungover in the morning?

As killer yeti movies go, this one isn't a total disgrace. After all, what are we expecting, Macbeth? The monster isn't all that terrifying, but gets the job done. Gorehounds will be ecstatic over its gushy attacks! The twist near the end is trumpeted a bit too soon, but still works well enough.

Watch for Frank Stallone in a cameo....