Blubberella

You know, I recently watched Uwe Boll's FAR CRY and thought to myself, Boll has actually made a decent film here. Perhaps he's improving as a director. I've subsequently sat through a kind of double-bill of AUSCHWITZ and now this, and I have to revoke that thought. Because AUSCHWITZ was bad, but BLUBBERELLA is by far Boll's worst film ever, as well as one of the worst films I've ever had the misfortune to sit through.

The joke is that Blubberella is a morbidly obese girl who fights Nazis in some kind of amateur WW2 setting. There's also some nonsense about her being half vampire although that has nothing to do with the story. Instead, what we get is a pantomime-style film with constant and offensive jokes about overweight people, different nationalities, and anything else. There's even a scene of blackface which has to be seen to be believed.

Lindsay Hollister as the main actress is humiliated throughout and I felt acutely sorry for her. Michael Pare must be wondering how far his fortunes can sink by appearing in this. The only decent actor is Clint Howard playing a creepy doctor in the usual Clint Howard style, but that's it. Uwe Boll's cameo as Hitler is the worst ever. The crude sexual jokes and the like take the biscuit and the film is too cheap to include any action, effects, or real storyline. It's absolutely awful in every way and I wish I'd never seen it.

This film obviously had a budget. They filmed on location in Croatia, more sets than I can remember, and even paid Ron Howard's creepy bro to be horrible in it- but how does this film get made??? Set in WWII but there are laptops, they have sex with clothes on but it's supposed to be real with orgasm, they are slapping people as a running gag but it was never funny. The editing was so disjointed...or was it the actual plot. And just because you're fat doesn't necessarily mean you are funny. A fat dancing woman isn't always funny either. All these over-the-top characters aren't funny because the actors don't go all the way with them. They don't have the training and confidence so it doesn't fly. And people are drifting in and out of accents so you don't know if it's a gag or if they are just bad. I say it's all bad, an unfunny comedy with a terrible plot, horrid acting and disjointed filmmaking.

Uwe Boll, you love him or you hate him but this flick is utterly trash. I guess that they had a lot of fun making this flick. It features Nazis and let that be the most important part in Bloodrayne 3. So it's clear that they filmed it back to back with Bloodrayne 3.

The script doesn't go anywhere but the acting was by some okay. I kept watching it to see where something is happening and the few things that happen is one vampire attack, one corpse of a vampire being investigated by some kind of perverted doctor and some nude chicks walking around.

I didn't laugh a bit with the comedy or jokes or even situations. The only thing that saved this turkey is Lindsay Hollister (Blubberella) and Brendan Fletcher (Rampage). The idea was okay but what a mess it became.

Gore 0/5 Nudity 1/5 Effects 1/5 Story 1/5 Comedy 1/5

I have seen a lot of bad pictures over my 50+ years, but this one absolutely takes the cake. I have seen all of Ed Wood's terrible movies, and even those are better than this. At least Wood's movies were laughable, albeit unintentionally. This movie tries to get laughs, gets none, and is possibly the most tedious, boring and useless movie ever put to celluloid. Rarely will I walk out on a movie less than a third of the way into it, but this movie is so bad, it was actually painful to watch. I feel bad for Ronny Howard's brother, who must have been desperate for work to have taken this acting job. This movie is a colossal waste of time. Even if you are bored to tears, this would only make it worse!

An obese half-vampire bisexual living in WWII Nazi Germany with cell-phone service, internet access, a 2001 Apple clamshell iBook and a Segway.

Even though the lead actress Lindsay Hollister took pains to try to change the movie title, and she publicized that she only took the part because it was difficult for plus-sized actresses to find roles, she is an utter jewel in this movie with her comic timing.

Willam Belli is a stereotype chameleon (swishy queen, blackface mammy, blackface thug, etc.) playing off of Hollister so well, between them they make the movie.

The bonus in the movie was Clint Howard as the Josef Mengele analogue. Half playing it straight dramatic and half doing comic Nazi goose steps.

"Blubberella" is a lot of politically incorrect fun, and you'll get a lot of laughs as long as you know what you're in for.