eCupid

Siri: Sorry Vye-ken, I can't find a reason "why eCupid has won so many GLBT Festival recognitions" may I suggest you look at the poster.

I honestly don't understand why this movie has so many laurel wreaths cradling "Best Picture", "Official Selection" awards from tiny American Queer Film Festivals on its poster. A crown made from laurel leaves used to mean that the recipient was an outstanding specimen of its kind and were raised to Olympian status. In movie terms it was an emblem of having made it to the Cannes movie festival. Instead, it appears people figured out that laurel wreaths can easily be made by stringing together a few bay leaves, who are the least popular and versatile members of our spice rack, and mislead many to mistake the movie for a good one.

eCupid is not a great movie, it's not even a good movie.

It is a cutesy little magical reality (the kind of stories your grandmother told you) flick that never should have made it out of the spell book. At least not without a lot more chanting and agonizing magic making - and maybe an eye of newt thrown in - to make the movie magic work. As it stands, eCupid doesn't really take off and left this reviewer feeling a little bruised. The story is predictable, with mediocre acting and such sad sets that make you want to make a donation to the filmmakers. It has all the essential - read predictable - ingredients: a cute male model type lead with a hug-able boyfriend, care-bearable friends and hot tamale one-night-stands. What it lacks is any reason to remember the movie once the credits start rolling...that is IF you end up staying till the end - because you don't need to at all, instead you may be able to catch another festival movie playing in the theater next door.

However, if you do tough it to the end, you will get to see Morgan Fairchild play a - wait for it - a country diner waitress. Shocking right?! All I remember from that scene is thinking how much more plastic can that women get before she starts melting under the movie lights!

This is a boring, shallow, tiresome, "Look how cute I am!" movie about boring, shallow, tiresome, "Look how cute I am!" West Hollywood types.

Someday somebody is going to make a movie about real gay people. Real gay people are not obsessed with their gym bodies and other guys' gym bodies. Real gay people don't look like fashion models. Real gay people get older than 23, eventually. Real gay people do not have blinding white teeth. Real gay people do not have perfect tans 365 days of the year, or even ONE day of the year. Real gay people have no idea what an "app" is, don't care what an "app" is, and got tired of the word the third time they heard it.

Whoever made this tiresome movie, and whomever they made it for - those are people I hope I never have to meet.

"Marshall" - or "Marsh" to his pals (Houston Rhines) lives with his boyfriend "Gabe" (Noah Schuffman) but their lives are now pretty much going through the motions. There's no sex, too much work and their priorities have become a bit stale. He's browsing on his laptop one evening when he encounters a site that offers him a solution to his tired existence. He signs up and next thing he knows, boyfriend "Gabe" knows how he feels and, dejected, moves in with a couple of their friends. Unbeknownst to "Marsh" this app is now manipulating his entire life. It's fixing him up with dates, hosting parties and generally making a nuisance of itself whilst he tries to juggle the pressures of his job with his pretty obvious desires to get his "Gabe" back. Jeopardy? Well no, not really; nor is the much by way of notable acting nor writing here as the story unfolds. It does, however, have quite a powerful messages for those cynics amongst us who question just how dependent people now are on their computers and the internet when it comes to our daily lives. We arrange and cancel by text message; we create and change our relationship statuses as if we were turning a page on a calendar and when it comes to actually making an effort when the Sheen has faded a little, well again we seek refuge amongst the 0s and 1s. This is quite fun at times in illustrating the impotence of "Marsh" and also at the readiness of "Gabe" to take the easy option and not to try to work for what even a blind man in a snowstorm at 3am could see was what they both wanted. It is old hat, has it's fair share of gay stereotypes and offers nothing new, but it just might resonate, especially if you like your Merlot from "Falcon Crest".

This film tells the story of a man who is having a seven year itch.

This comedy is light hearted, slightly far fetched but really fun to watch. It is funny and has got a semi serious message to it as well. I enjoyed it a lot.

Words to describe this movie: light, superficial, mindless, adolescent, artificial, unreal.

In several ways, this movie reminded me of lightweight television sitcom programming or a brainless romantic comedy. Even the values here are sitcom values, despite the gay theme. And not intelligent sitcoms, but the lame kind. The characters' problems are phony and trivial television problems that can, and will, be easily resolved.

There are lots of gay men kissing and showing affection in the film, but there's no real passion, no T&A, not even open-mouth kissing. This is an anodyne homo heaven free of ugliness and suitable for all viewers.

I'm not against the concept of gay fluff and I realise there must be a market for this out there; however, it's just not for me. It surprises me that gay men would want to watch this kind of thing. Who is this movie meant to appeal to?

This movie shows the moviegoer a California subculture of gay people in their 20s who have perfect gay lives, perfect jobs, perfect teeth, perfect homes, perfect boyfriends, perfect friends, perfect bodies. The biggest problems they have to deal with are turning 30 and getting turned down a few times by a tired partner.

Needless to say, this movie didn't really appeal to me at all. (And I enjoy light movies now and again.) It just wasn't that entertaining or funny. It certainly didn't enlighten me about being gay or human relationships. It didn't challenge me intellectually in any way whatsoever. It also didn't move me at all, despite the various clear attempts to elicit that kind of response. It's not really a movie for adults.