Piranha 3DD

Double the D's, not even half the fun.

"Piranha 3DD" follows where the previous finished. After the events at Lake Victoria, the pre-historic school of blood-thirsty piranhas make their way into a newly opened waterpark.

You know, when you're about to watch this kind of movie that you don't have to expect too much and just enjoy the ride. The first 'Piranha'-remake kinda accomplished that. This one started okay - a scene where Gary Busey is looking for his lost cow in the water, turns into an unexpected funny gag. But after we know in which direction this film is taking us - an 'Adults only'-pool with water certified strippers - and the awful acting of several supporting cast members, I knew this wasn't gonna be the good-kinda-bad.

Sadly "Piranha 3DD" is more boring than its predecessor and could've been more, if you look at the original 'Piranha' sequel (directed by James Cameron himself). This one just lacks originality. The director has no idea how to handle this and you can tell in the second half of this film. It's not a comedy nor a self-parody or horror.

"Welcome to rock bottom!"

This movie is bad, and I am pretty sure this was intentional. It clearly makes fun of itself and adds a lot of dumb jokes and weird scenes for no purpose. To impress the teenagers also a bunch of bare breasts got added. Probably director John Gulager was so distracted by this human meat show, that he completely forgot to insert a plot of any kind. But does this really matter at this point? I don't think so. Switch your brain off, lean back, stare at the naked bodies, ignore the nonsense lines and get wasted while the movie progresses. The remake was bad already and anybody who expected a sequel to this would do the franchise any good must be out of his mind... or distracted by... you know the drill!

This was more enjoyable than I thought. The acting was not as bad as some of the reviewers say, and for a film that doesn't take itself seriously, neither should you. I actually didn't mind the movie being short, after all it was always hard to stretch the storyline more than an hour.

The whole movie was more like a spoof, and somehow I felt Christopher Lloyd, Ving Rhames and of course The Hoff all added to the fun. The Hoff in particular was great. His role really suited him. He also had a bit more screen time than I would've thought.

I didn't see this in 3D, and I'm not sure if that would've changed my rating. There was a fair bit of gratuitous nudity, but I suppose the gratuitous gore balances that out.

So if you find gratuitous blood, body parts and boobs (and screaming) hilarious, this movie is worth a look over a beer and popcorn. And if you don't like it, it will be over before you know it.

That was shocking, all those that couldn't get out the pool well... this was meant to be a piranha film but where were they at? There was no logic to this film. Don't put yourself through the pain of watching this film.

The aquatic penis munching and poor character choices continue in Piranha 3DD, the even goofier follow-up to Alexandre Aja's surprisingly entertaining 2010 remake, the former of which has just been made available on DVD and Blu-ray. Although containing plenty of both intentional and unintentional laughs, "3DD" often mistakes simple-minded schlock cinema for parody and balls-out nonsense for organic fun. The Weinstein Company/Dimension Films should strongly consider packing this disc with a six pack of beer combo offer.

It's really no surprise that an influx of gratuitous nudity, celebrity cameos (as game and often ironically funny as they often are) and heaps of sheer camp can do little to raise Piranha 3DD to the level of its predecessor. It's even less mysterious as to how populating this film with jerks, ditsy bitches and pure morons (who are seemingly all bipolar judging by their mood, rationalizing and motivations) fail to make for a compelling B-movie.

Of course we expect these human-shaped hunks of piranha fodder to make poor decisions for the sake of crimson water, but when it seems like the writers are intentionally trying to craft most of these individuals with the IQ of water-logged bait worms, it comes off more as insulting.

A year has passed since the massacre at Lake Victoria, and following an eradication campaign that led to the complete and utter contamination of the water, the town's tourist industry has been likewise extinguished. But to paraphrase Dr. Malcolm from Jurassic Park, "life finds a way" and a newly evolved school of prehistoric nasties has managed to elope to another nearby lake, which unlucky for its inhabitants, supplies the local water park called "The Big Wet." Oh and in case you were even going to ask, these piranha have mutated to thrive in chlorinated water or something, so the attack may, in fact, commence without delay.

Of the things to enjoy in Piranha 3DD, it's bar none the extended cameos from Ving Rhames (complete with a shotgun leg) and a booze-swilling, out-of-shape David Hasselhoff whose self-lampooning is the only effective instance of parody to be found in this sequel. His reluctant "celebrity appearance" at the opening of "The Big Wet" amounts to nearly all of the films involuntary chuckles and his bond with a young boy (which forms because he is the only one who doesn't recognize him as the star from Baywatch) is close to the stuff of comedy gold.

Aside from those fleeting moments of inspiration, Piranha 3DD is missed opportunity after miscalculated set-piece. I mean, if you've managed to devise a scenario where a fish has managed to enter (and live in) a woman's vagina and then manage to overlook the chance to make an "eating out" joke, the filmmakers have failed us all. As far as high camp is concerned, you could certainly find more blasé fare, though that doesn't excuse this film from being an unnecessary sequel that seems to think its audience consists of horny preteens who have never seen a proper parody rather than horror buffs looking for a faithful and lovingly crafted follow-up to Piranha 3D.