Strippers vs Werewolves

Thought i well let people know (Warn) about Strippers v Werewolves, as i went to the premiere last night in London. The UK is brilliant at making Horror Comedies (Think Dog Soldiers & Shaun of the dead) However this isn't one of them. This film has 3 good points - A couple of great cameos (Alan Ford & Robert Englund) The nerdy vampire killer boyfriend (Hillarious at the end) and the end scene as the 4 strippers in stockings and suspenders dressed as little red riding hood. But even these 3 great point aren't enough to save this shocking(ly bad) film.

Let me start by saying what annoyed me the most, The soundtrack. I think it was supposed to be a new take on 80's new romantic era, but it was just awful. The cinema was full of cast and friends of friends, I can only assume the soundtrack was done by one of these as a favour. As i said earlier, it is build as a horror comedy, Although it had a few laughs, i cant remember one moment that i actually jumped (unlike Dog Soldiers) Cheesy lines, horrific acting in places & and some strippers that weren't even that good looking. I was hoping for a UK version of Zombie Strippers and got something that wouldn't be a miss on one of those free to air horror channels on sky.

Ali Bastian was decent in it, However i feel it probably won't do much for her career (Maybe she just had some bills to pay) Adele Silva actually looked better in person than on film, where she just looked like a bulldog sucking on a thistle. The make up was so bad, i can only assume it was done by make up students learning they're trait. The funniest point of the night was the end of the film when everyone applauded, thats when the lights came up and i realised everyone except me had a cameo in the film! Wait until it gets shown on channel 4 at 1am some when and try to stay awake for Robert Englund's 10 minute cameo. 4/10.

The versus movies in general got quite a high (though still no Gremlins versus Critters movie - or the other way around alphabetically or maybe even liking like) - and there are also a lot of movies with Strippers fighting of evil creatures too. Or bite back? Well I reckon you can make a lot of jokes and most of them are probably better than the ones in the movie.

Still there is fun to be had (and nudity and blood if you don't count them as fun in general) and this does not try to fool you into thinking it being something different than it actually is

More like a London gangster film than a horror movie. 'Underworld' gave us Dominatrixes vs. Werewolves presented rather solemnly. Here we get dirtier talk (naturally), brighter colours, frenetic pacing (including lot of flashy burst-wipes), sixties-style split screen, and a sense of fun.

It does rather go on, and strippers dressed as schoolgirls are a poor substitute for Kate Beckinsale in PVC. But the cast is game and for those of us with fond memories of Sarah Douglas as the evil Ursa in 'Superman III' it's good to see her back playing the film's resident Queen Bee.

A very British, ultra low budget film with a sprinkling of famous faces - albeit most are from UK soap operas. Directed by Jonathan Glendening and written by Pat Higgins and Phillip Baron, this 2012 film is rated 15 and has a runtime of 93 minutes. It is rated as Action, Comedy and Crime but also borders on supernatural horror too.

The plot is simple but conceivable, in a weird kind of way anyway; a stripper accidently kills a werewolf with a silver fountain pen. His friends, the rest of the pack, want their revenge. It is up to colleagues, friends, and clientele of the stripper to fight off the bloodthirsty werewolves.

I am not going to mess around and try and jazz this film up, I knew what I was getting myself into with this film, and the title of the film also set my expectations too, but this film, well - it was just bad. I usually like bad b-movies, but even by that standard this is really really bad. The acting is terrible; the script and dialogue is cringy; the make-up, effects and prosthetics are cheap; the soundtrack was awful; it wasn't funny (and it was supposed to be); the pacing was terrible... wait, I've used that descriptive word before... let's go with the pace was on par with a bumpy, pot hole covered road that was only partially built and required detours for no reason. What I am ultimately getting at, in case it was not obvious, is that this is a poor film.

With how bad the film was I was surprised at some of the faces that are in it, some from UK soap opera, some from the world of film. Ali Bastian, Adele Silva, Martin Compston, and Billy Murray all have experience in various soap operas. Martin Kemp, Alan Ford, Steven Berkoff, Lysette Anthony, and Robert Englund all have big film experience. With a cast this rich I was really expecting to see something a lot better than I got to experience. This felt like a cheap rip-off of 2008's "Zombie Strippers", which is pity because Britain is usually a strong player in the comedy-horror market with some really great tongue in cheek blood splatter films. This, unfortunately, had very few redeeming qualities and I can see this being quickly forgotten by audiences and probably the cast themselves too. I am not basing my review on a single viewing; I watched this in 2012 when it came out, and I have re-watched it in 2020 when I wrote this review. The film stunk almost ten years ago, and its fragrance has not improved since then.

This movie stinks on so many levels that you will be aghast at how it got made...

First the plot is so childish that I thought I was watching an episode of those creepy Chuckle Brothers with boobs and arse thrown in for good measure...

Next was the acting, considering that these actors were not complete amateurs and some have played some really good roles in both TV and film it was pitiful to see them floundering around in this film like kids in a school play with all the lack of context and amateurish line delivery of an 8 year old...

One of the things that makes good comedy is getting the timing right, one of the things about great comedy is getting the timing perfect, this film managed to deliver its gags (if you can call such ridiculous schoolboy humour gags) without any timing at all and the gags were too childish to be funny to adults and too filled with sexual meaning for kids to get them so I wonder who the target audience was supposed to be?

The effects were ridiculous, the script was ridiculous, the acting was well below par for those who took part, the direction was the only joke in this film (Except the joke at the paying audiences expense), the split screen cinematography was just bloody annoying and as for the trendy comic book images flashed up in place of action well the less said about that the better...

All in all this film failed both as a comedy, it certainly failed as a horror, in fact the only thing it succeeded in was as a documentary on how not to make a film...