Vampire Academy

If you think the tag line (suck at school) is funny, this may appeal more to you than to others. But while this isn't the worst movie of 2014 (I think someone should either watch more movies or at least be a bit more fair), it is filled with clichés from beginning to end. Plus it has a target group and it does fill the needs of that special group more than anything else.

I don't think I have to spell out to whom that is aimed at (the movie itself quoting directly or indirectly Twilight many times). But if you look past that (or maybe just because of that), you can see an effort to make this light and fun at the same time. Actors can not really be judged by this alone, but they don't really put the breaks to the movie, so that's a positive. You know what you're getting, don't complain about it later ...

I'm sitting here writing this a mere four hours after seeing the film, and I don't really know what I expected - if I expected nearly two hours of tired tropes and poor writing, coupled with all around poor performances, I would be happy. If the film was well written, well acted, and a slight bit campy, it would be fine, but it just wasn't. The concept isn't original, the cast was all around shocking, excluding Victor, although there seemed to be a complete lack of evil-ferret-stroking; his character arc was rather predictable. Every single line was just exposition after exposition, with the occasional burst of teenage sass from Rose, which was extremely frustrating after a while. Quipping one liners is not necessary, especially after an hour and a half.

Every relationship felt forced, I didn't feel any connection to the characters, and I honestly couldn't care less what happened to them; they were not believable in the slightest. A good script would have helped, but the performances also assisted in bogging it down I actually enjoyed the concept, as someone who hasn't read the books. I liked the vibe I got from the film to begin with, but it felt extremely tacky. Everything felt like plastic, everyone's face was constantly caked with makeup, felt extremely superficial and tacky, and every backdrop was injected with a tonne of poor CGI. All of the special effects through the film were just poor, and were not nice to look at. The fire effects looked like the fire effects from Adobe After Effects.

I liked what they were trying, but they honestly needed to up their game all across the board; budget-wise, script-wise, casting-wise, and the dozens of other issues with this picture. I almost got a 'it's so bad it's good' feeling, but it's heavy handed and poorly made throughout.

I do not recommend.

Rose Hathaway (Zoey Deutch) is a Dhampir. Dhampirs protect the Moroi who are kinda vampires. Rose had run away from St Vladimir's Academy with her Moroi friend Lissa Dragomir (Lucy Fry). They have a rare psychic connection. Lissa is the last of the Dragomirs and in line for the crown. They are brought back to the Academy where they face mean girls, convoluted politics, and the ever threatening Strigoi who are turned-evil violent powerful vampire creatures. The Moroi learn to control the basic elements while the Dhampir learn to fight.

It's yet another one of these YA series and more expositions of new terminology to get through. It's enough to turn off anybody. The story throws everything at the viewers. It's a jumble mess. The Academy is reminiscent of Hogwarts except less magical and less interesting. It's also got the modernity setup in a mishmash of styles. The mean girls aspect is simplistic. The writing is not really up to standard. Zoey Deutch tries to bring some interest with a jokey fast-talking sarcastic girl but it's been done better. That's probably the only part that holds any promise and differentiate itself from all the other YA series. It's as if Ellen Page's Juno got dropped into one those franchises. Even though she doesn't succeed, she's still somewhat interesting and the only reason why I would rate this marginally better than the other sludge. Very marginally...

The teenagers Rose Hathaway (Zoey Deutch) and Vasilisa "Lissa" Dragomir (Lucy Fry) are best friend and escapee from the St. Vladimir's Academy for more than one year. When the guardian Dimitri Belikov (Danila Kozlovsky) from the St Vladimir's Academy and his team find the girls, they bring them back to the academy. Rose is a Dhampir, a good half human-half vampire breed that can eat regular food and are trained to protect the Moroi from the evil immortal vampires Strigoi. Lissa is a Princess of the Moroi, a good mortal breed of vampires that feed of blood from donors and is capable to control one of the four elements.

When they return, the Headmistress Kirova (Olga Kurylenko) intends to punish Rose, but the old Moroi Victor Dashkov (Gabriel Byrne), who was a friend of Lissa's family, dissuades Kirova from her intent. Lissa dates her outcast schoolmate Christian Ozera (Dominic Sherwood) but unexpectedly she is threatened by someone that wishes to harm her. Victor's daughter Natalie (Sarah Hyland) joins Rose and Lissa to help them to seek out who might be the enemy.

"Vampire Academy" is an entertaining fantasy with a story that is a sort of combination of "Harry Potter" with "Twilight". Zoey Deutch is gorgeous and charming and if the viewer sees this feature with low expectation, he or she might have a pleasant surprise. My vote is six.

Title (Brazil): "Academia de Vampiros: O Beijo das Sombras" ("Vampire Academy: The Shadow Kiss")

In a world sparkled into submission by the Twilight phenomenon, it's hard to take yet another vampire high-school fantasy seriously. That could be one reason why the movie version of Vampire Academy - based on a best-selling series of novels by Richelle Mead - has been met with such overwhelming critical derision. Critics have blasted the film for being lazy, riddled with clichés, and overstuffed - only the last of which is strictly true. Actually, Mark Waters' film is a fun watch, featuring offbeat characters and relationships so interesting that you might find yourself wanting them to have more screen-time, not less.

Rose Hathaway (Zoey Deutch) is a Dhampir: a half-human/half-vampire girl born to be a Guardian to the Moroi - a race of peaceful, magical and mortal vampires. Rose shares a psychic bond with her best friend Lissa (Lucy Fry), a Moroi princess who's the last of her particular bloodline. Rose's task is to protect Lissa from the Strigoi: immortal, blood-hungry vampires with neither soul nor depth of feeling. But the Strigoi have nothing on the vagaries of high school: Rose and Lissa must deal with nasty pranks and clique politics, even as the conspiracy against Lissa gains a strength that suggests it might go deeper than anyone suspects.

Amidst the rush and rage of high school, we'll meet Dimitri (Danila Kozlovsky), Dhampir extraordinaire; Natalie (Sarah Hyland), the geeky daughter of Victor (Gabriel Byrne), a friend of Lissa's family; and Christian (Dominic Sherwood), a brooding young man whose Moroi parents chose to turn themselves into Strigoi by taking innocent lives. Not to mention Mia (Sami Gayle), the catty girl who has it out for Lisa and the film's biggest 'stars': Olga Kurylenko as batty headmistress Kirova and Joely Richardson as Moroi queen Tatiana.

If that sounds like a surfeit of story, you haven't even heard the half of it. Vampire Academy is jam-packed with details, exposition and characters, all of them jostling for attention. There are complex rules and taboos surrounding the entire society, most of which are either shoe-horned awkwardly into dialogue or tossed quickly into the story as it tumbles by at a breathless pace. The characters' quips and depth get a little lost in the tumult. It's really what keeps the film from finding its feet: the ideas crammed into Mead's universe simply aren't given much room to breathe.

Stick with the film, however, and it evens out into a fun - if rather frustrating - viewing experience. There's a welcome cheeky bite (pun very much intended) to the script, which somewhat makes up for the unsettling choppiness of the story. Rose, too, makes for a spunky protagonist who's several worlds away from Twilight's tragically unprogressive heroine, Bella. She kicks butt, loses her temper, and reels off sarcastic zingers - all while demonstrating that she's every bit as capable as Dimitri and the guys around her. The element of romance that's an inevitable part of every high-school film doesn't grate as much as it might: the final moment between Rose and Dimitri is a heartfelt, surprising delight, and one of the most refreshing scenes you're ever likely to see in a teen movie.

The cast is mostly competent, with Deutch the clear stand-out. Carrying the entire, occasionally unwieldy film on her shoulders, she's hugely likable and natural on screen. Her compatriots fare less well, with Fry in particular feeling rather awkward and hamstrung in her part. Hyland, meanwhile, has quite a bit of fun subverting any expectations audiences might have of her based on her sassy airhead role in Modern Family. Byrne plays it straight, if a little tortured, while Kurylenko and Richardson seem to have wandered in from a high-camp pantomime.

Vampire Academy is very far from high art: it's too messily stitched together for that, bursting at the seams from a slightly nonsensical plot that often threatens to overwhelm the characters and their relationships. But it's also quite far from the travesty that most critics have suggested it is. There's something smarter and more enjoyable at work here, even if it sometimes gets buried beneath the machinations of its own script.