This Means War

This Means War frustrates me. It has three excellent leads who all give great performances and pretty solid action and stunts, but the story failed this movie altogether. This Means War establishes Hardy and Pine as two inseparable friends that are even closer than family but spend the rest of the film easily dividing and pitting them against each other over a girl they just met. It makes Witherspoon's character feel like she is really hurting these guys' lives, but it's all played as not that big of a deal. And when she ultimately chooses one of them over the other, the guys forgive each other like nothing happened and then jump to characters talking about marriage. I'm old-fashioned regarding loyalty and romance, so this movie irritated my pet peeve. It's not as bad as my rating might imply, but I'm irked.

Cartoony romp has a slick surface but not much underneath. What it does have are three charming actors who work hard to buoy it with their personality and charisma. Tom Hardy and Chris Pine work well together, actually their chemistry with each other is much stronger than either share with their female co-star. Reese is ditsy and sweet but whoever was in charge of her hair should be ashamed, it looks distractingly like straw. The director's roots in music videos are painfully obvious and he does nothing to smooth out the many kinks in the borderline creepy plot. Wasted in nothing parts are Til Schweiger a good actor stuck in a standard villain part that must have been larger in the original script and Angela Bassett, a great actress in a stick figure part that is so far beneath her abilities it's a crying shame. Rosemary Harris is thankfully on hand briefly to brighten a few scenes. Silly and painless you'll forget it as soon as it's over. All involved have made better films and will again.

It wasn't as bad as most of the people writing reviews have said. I found it entertaining, to a certain point. After "tuck" has his date, there was no need for the other one to jump right in, it doesn't happen in real life up to a point, I'm guessing. I'm not giving anything away, it's all in the bio. The actors, at least Tom, was way above the silliness, and you can tell he wasn't enjoying this movie as much as his more serious roles. He is too good of an Actor for this movie and his talent is wasted. Chris comes off as this creepy- older- smooth- operator and that just doesn't go away, a normal woman would have picked that up in a heartbeat. I didn't pause or fast forward, which is a plus, but I really wouldn't recommend the movie if you are truly wanting a feel-good Rom-Com. I agree that Reese wasn't her best, or if she is, she's NOT my kind of actor. Again, I have to go with it being just too silly. It would have made a better movie if one of the guys had had to choose, and not the other way around. She wasn't believable, and quite frankly, Tom was too good for this movie.

This Means War (2012)

* 1/2 (out of 4)

Best friends and CIA agents FDR (Chris Pine) and Tuck (Tom Hardy) finally hit the dating scene and both end up falling in love with the same girl (Reese Witherspoon). The girl, Lauren, is also just hitting the dating scene and is getting advice from her best friend (Chelsea Handler) who suggests she date two men and then decide which one is the best. Not knowing that her two men know one another, she sets out to see who is the best and the men decide to do war on each other. THIS MEANS WAR is a very, very, very stupid movie. Now, you might say that all romantic comedies need to be somewhat stupid and I think that's true but this film is so insulting to the three stars and their characters that I really wanted to jump through the screen and just scream at them. The three are constantly doing very stupid things that are just so over-the-top and out there that they're not charming but instead they're creepy. The fact that the two men, in the CIA. are using millions of dollars and high tech equipment to spy on each other is just a little weird. Even weirder is a scene where one of the men ends up having sex with the girl and since both have bugged her apartment with cameras their co-workers are back at the office watching them. You really have to wonder what these "agents" are supposed to be doing. Oh yeah, there's a subplot about them going after a bad guy but this entire thing is so unbelievable that you really can't take any of it serious. What's even worse is that all three of the characters, considering their professions, would have to be intelligent people yet they never do anything smart. They do nothing but something an uneducated moron would do and yet we're supposed to believe their characters. The Handler character is just there delivering very bad one-liners and the advice also seems so silly that you wonder why someone like Witherspoon would even bother with this person. I've been a fan of Witherspoon's since around 1991 and I must say that it's getting sad to see her in film's like this. Someone so talented delivering pictures like this and HOW DO YOU KNOW is just sad to see. Yes, she's "good" her but does it really matter when such talent is being wasted? Both Pine and Hardy are good in their bits but they too should be insulted by this screenplay (and happy with the paycheck I'm sure). This was my first time seeing Handler and I can't say I was impressed. THIS MEANS WAR is just a really stupid movie with stupid characters doing stupid things. Am I taking a comedy to serious? I don't think so especially when no one involved bothered to make it good.

If you wanted to make a movie that was successful at the box office, you could plug the story lines of the top 25 movies for the last 10 years into a computer and have it generate a plot. It would probably come up with a new genre called the 'romantic action comedy'. It would probably come up with, 'This Means War'. I spent most of the movie trying to figure out who it was targeted for. First, no adult with a few functioning neurons will find the plot compelling. I doubt if women would find the romance unforgettable. I, therefore, concluded that the movie was targeted towards 15 year old boys out on their first dates. Yes, there are the obligatory action scenes with the required number of explosions and car chases, but this is mainly to wake up the 13-year-olds who fell asleep during the 'romantic' scenes. The comedy, and I am stretching the dictionary definition of that word here, comes mainly from the sexual remarks of Chelsea Handler and are directed at the same sleepy 13-year-olds.

It's too bad. I like Reese Witherspoon and, prior to this movie, I had concluded that she was never in a bad movie. Isn't she being offered any better roles than this? It is one of the few movies where you feel sorry for the guy who gets the girl. Actually, by that point in the movie, you really don't care. Yet, the sad truth, the very sad truth is that the movie will probably be a box office hit, a fact that will generate more movies in this genre and keep computer programmers employed for years to come.