- Steve Dallas: That's the thing about friendship - it's a lot rarer than love; there's nothing in it for anybody.
- Terri Coulter: What would you do if you couldn't have children?
- Felty Yoder: I would pray to God to send them to me.
- Terri Coulter: What if you don't believe in God?
- Felty Yoder: Maybe that's why you can't have children.
- Terri Coulter: Steve, I would prefer to forego your input since it most recently resulted in my brother becoming fat, unemployed and growing that supremely anti-social beard.
- Steve Dallas: [after agitating Ben] The best way to get the soda out of the bottle is to shake it and shake it and shake it.
- Steve Dallas: [passing an Amish cart stopped on the shoulder] Uh-oh, look, he blew a foot. Can you imagine if you had to shoot your car every time you got a flat?
- [first lines]
- Steve Dallas: I mean, I'm that guy. I've got enough of everything I need. I'm single. I like a party. And I'm old enough to enjoy it. Young enough to enjoy it. I want to do something, and I do it.
- Blond Date: [giggles]
- Dave Harken: You think you're going to move to a bigger market? Not with that nose.
- Steve Dallas: You know, I could just as easily demean your job, if I had any idea what it entailed.