- Karl: A word to the wise from an old man before you go. Remember only this: the measure of a man is what's left when fame falls away... oh, and another thing: get as much sex as you can!
- Ivan McCormick: So, fill me in, brother, how much are we into Danny Machin for?
- Neil McCormick: All in all? Thirteen grand. Give or take.
- Ivan McCormick: Thirteen grand? What is that? Five grand a kneecap and three for our heads?
- Neil McCormick: ...That doesn't add up, Ivan.
- Neil McCormick: Hello? Hi, where is Hammond?
- Rick: Are you the new runners?
- Neil McCormick: No, no no, of course we are not the new runners. We're the McCormicks! We're Hammond's new act, we're just here to sign the old contracts.
- Rick: Hammond is history. Axed. Kept spunking cash into Kajagoogoo. I'm the new Hammond.
- Neil McCormick: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What was the last thing he said before he left?
- Rick: Let me think uh... "I'm gonna sue you bastards right through the arsehole". Then he sort of... broke down. It was all very uncool.
- Ivan McCormick: Yeah but he did tell you about our deal?
- Neil McCormick: And the fifty grand advance?
- Rick: Oh yeah... it's ringing bells. Ding-a-ling-ling! But I would say a hundred's more realistic.
- Ivan McCormick: [surprised] A hundred grand?
- Rick: Yeah! I'll tell you what: You boys will look fucking fantastic on camera! We'll do you a video to rival Duran Duran.
- Neil McCormick: Ok, yeah!
- Rick: And we'll shoot it ON THE MOON!
- Ivan McCormick: What? Really?
- Rick: NO! Not really! In fact, I'll tell you why you boys will never be signed to this label. You look like a pair of mental fortune tellers from a gypsy fair. And Hammond liked you, therefore, I hate you! I wouldn't sign you to this label if you paid me a hundred grand and let me John Paul Pope your mother.
- Gloria: You must love him
- [Ivan]
- Gloria: a lot.
- Neil McCormick: Yeah. But it's also the guilt. You know how good the Irish are at that.
- Hammond: There are only two reasons I can think of for two gentlemen to share a toilet cubicle.
- Danny Machin: Well, it's not the first one.
- Hammond: Huh, good! Thank god for that. That's what I love about the catholic church; you really know how to enjoy yourselves. Shall we use your gear or mine?
- Neil McCormick: We'll get you VIP passes when we play Wembley. Access all areas.
- Karl: Ah! I'll make you sorry you ever said that.
- Neil McCormick: I didn't mean to hurt you.
- Gloria: Yeah, well I meant to hurt you.
- Gloria: Yeah, well you did. It was actually a really good punch.
- Neil McCormick: *He* has got everything he ever wanted.
- Ivan McCormick: No, he's got everything that *you* ever wanted.
- Gloria: Music people are very different.
- Neil McCormick: Just start with the idea they're all arses and every so often you will be pleasantly surprised.