इंडियाना जोंज़ एंड द डायल ऑफ डेस्टिनी

"Raiders of the Lost Ark" is on my top 10 list of all-time favorite movie. I did not feel that "Dial of Destiny" gave a proper send off to the francise. It seemed like the first half of the movie is nothing but over the top chase scenes about trying to get possession of the Dial. That first half does not invest time to plant motivation so the viewer will even care about the Dial and who gets possession of it. Also, the Helena character is pretty unlikeable. Her passion is in the wrong place. Indiana is at odds with Helena for most of the movie. They do not make a good team. And then Indiana is a deflated version of Indiana that is kind of depressing. And to top it all off, there is no sense of fun and comedy in the movie. I hope writers have not forgotten how to write a good adventure story. "Dial of Destiny" misses the mark on many levels. And it kind of bothered me how much unnecessary killing there was in the movie. That is not family friendly. I wanted to really like "Dial of Destiny", but as the movie was progressing, I had to admit the movie was just not working.

Harrison Ford is a legend, and his enormous talent is called upon to carry this reboot of the character he single handedly made iconic. Once again, he dawns the patented hat and whip with charisma and force. But even our hero Indy can't rescue this coffee house script, that may have not gone through a rewrite. The female lead is unwatchable, and I found myself wishing she'd go away, and take her unnecessary side kick with her. She looks like a WNBA star drafted to play a character in a movie. Her character is arrogant, and self absorbed. For some reason, she seems to have animosity towards Indy, but it's unexplainable why. There are a lot of classic chases, and different adventures, that are nostalgic for the original films. I saw Raiders of the lost Ark when I was 5, and I can still remember where I was when I saw it, it was that good and memorable. Harrison Ford recaptures the magic of young Indy. This film is not memorable or even very good, otherwise. The end plays like a sequel to Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. Hello Ancient dudes! I left the theater realizing that the years of monumental film making are over, and these plastic, lifeless imitations are all we will get. Harrison Ford you're one of the greats, thank you for all of the incredible memories. But this one I'm going to try to forget.

With a heavy heart, I think I have to concede that Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny is not good. It's probably even bad, because even the parts that are sort of entertaining ultimately disappoint.

Take for example the prologue with a de-aged Harrison Ford. The technology used to do it is impressive, and only looked awkward in a couple of shots for me. It's Indy adventuring during the end of World War II, and it almost captures the adventure/action you'd want. However, it's so dimly lit that barely anything can be seen. It's probably to disguise the de-aging, but it's disappointing. The stuff you can see isn't particularly great, but it fares better than the next couple of big action scenes.

These are spaced out over the next 80 to 90 minutes. Said 80 to 90-minute stretch is honestly very boring. Harrison Ford is trying, and John Williams' score is pretty good. I usually like Phoebe Waller-Bridge, but her character didn't work for me. Barely any of the humor landed. The action is incredibly dull and quite often poorly shot. Ford himself isn't in much of the action, which is understandable, but it also begs the question of why they even bothered trying to make an action movie with an 80-year-old man.

I swear characters enter a hotel at night, and they come out the front door five minutes later and it's the middle of the day. Why did they bring John Rhys-Davies back without giving him anything to do? Why was Antonio Banderas in this for like, five minutes? Why do they think audiences will care that Banderas and Toby Jones play "friends" of Indiana Jones, even if they've never been seen or mentioned before this film? Why does Hollywood keep wasting Mads Mikkelsen?

The final half-hour is sort of fun, but it concludes very abruptly and awkwardly. Some people will hate where the movie goes regardless, but I thought it came close to giving the whole thing a pulse. The final scene itself sounds like it should work on paper, but it did nothing for me emotionally. As I walked home, I liked the movie less and less, the more I thought about it.

It's so lifeless and uninspired, and even if maybe a third of it is passable, the rest is a combination of boring and baffling. Even if you're a big fan of the series, I wouldn't bother. This is a good deal worse than the other four.

I want to live in a world where Indiana Jones is a trilogy and stopped with The Last Crusade.

Indiana Jones And The Dial Of Destiny has all the issues that have plagued other summer blockbusters this year. It is overly reliant on CGI and expects nostalgia to see it through.

James Mangold is a competent director but he's no Spielberg. It's almost like he's read a guide to making an Indiana Jones movie and missed the mark. There is no heart to the movie which is the Spielberg spark it's missing.

The CGI is horrific with the worst saved for Harrison Ford's face. The movie is like 90% CGI and may as well have been like animation at times. Past characters are written out in abhorrent fashion and threw away without a care.

The last 30 minutes. Well...they nuked the fridge. (Bring back the aliens)

I'm at a loss. I thought Indiana Jones was about an adventuring archeologist hunting ancient religious artifacts to be preserved in museums. And the first 20 minutes confirm that sentiment.

And to be fair, John Williams' fantastic score reminds me that I did walk into the right showing. But instead of a rousing epic, I witnessed a strange concoction of overblown ideas, baffling casting choices, plot conveniences, bad dialogue, and some of the worst written characters I can remember. Especially Helena, who's played by a talented PWB but is written to be an insufferable, pedantic braggart.

There's a strange veneer that makes everything resemble something familiar. But it all feels off. Even the deepfakery produced some chuckles in the theatre.

There's some fun scenes and cameos and I enjoyed the villain. But calling this an Indiana Jones movie? Maybe Illinois Jones.