Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star

Awful. Dreadful. Total waste of time and film. Do not see this movie. I work in a movie theater so I get to (have to) watch EVERY movie that comes out, and this is without a doubt the absolute worst movie I have seen in a long long long time. I could not find even one redeeming quality in this movie. This film should be the death-knell of not only Nick Swardson's entire career, but Adam Sandler's "Happy Madison" production company should be banned from making any more movies until Sandler publicly apologizes for this horrible horrible waste of film. The dialogue sounds like it was written by three horny middle-school boys, the acting was strained and half-hearted, the plot was spoon-fed predictable. Some movies are "so bad they're good." This isn't one of those movies. This movie is just bad. Worse. Worst.

I like Nick Swardson. His show "Pretend time" on Comedy Central is hilarious and he's usually good in supporting roles ("Grandma's boy" & "Just go with it"). But wow, did this movie suck. "Bucky Larson" is flat. The jokes aren't funny and the acting for the most part is uninspired. Don Johnson was the highlight of the film and Christina Ricci did what she could but there are no redeeming qualities in this film.

I went in with low expectations because of the bad reviews and word of mouth, and yet I was still disappointed. This film deserves to be in the bottom 250 on IMDb. With the talent that was involved in the project and the premise of a porn comedy, "Bucky Larson" should have been funny. But instead I found myself wishing it was never made. I feel sorry for the chumps who paid $10 to see this garbage in theaters.

See that $20 bill in your wallet? Wipe your ass with it instead of paying to see this movie. You will receive more amusement watching a feces-stained Jackson swirl around the bowl than watching this gross-out piece of water buffalo diarrhea.

Not even an immature 13 year old will find this film amusing. It uses the same three jokes the entire movie: Bucky has buck teeth, he shoots semen at the mere sight of a naked girl, and he has a tiny penis covered with a bush of hair. Boom, that's it. That's the movie.

Game over man, game over.

If I could give this film zero stars, I would. Not even Stephen Dorff can save this penguin excrement.

There is very little to say about Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star other than "I hated it ... I hated ALL of it!" The film is not funny and it is repellent.

I cannot criticize it for being about porn because Boogie Nights was exclusively about the world of porn and I think it was one of the BEST film of the 1990's. Boogie Nights treated its characters as flawed human beings searching for acceptance and a feeling of belonging -- Bucky Larson's characters are all supposed to be laughed at and there are just too many times throughout the movie which had me wanting to rush to the bathroom to vomit as 89% of the film is stomach-churning.

This should pretty-much END the career of anybody involved and I am actually surprised that Adam Sandler's name is attached as both a writer and a producer of this trash (Sandler also gave us Jack and Jill and Just Go With It this year -- the latter film is only saved b/c of the over-the-top performance of the unlikely physical comedienne Nicole Kidman -- so I question whether or not his days are numbered?).

An unfunny-to-me Nick Swardson (Just Go With It, 30 Minutes or Less, Blades of Glory) -- who's career is mostly stand-up comedy -- stars as the grotesquely buck-toothed Bucky Larson (who must've been born with buck-teeth?) who believes he is destined for a glorious career in porn after discovering his parents were au natural (meaning: unshaven, un-waxed, un-spray-tanned, un-fit etc) porn stars of the 1970's. Bucky leaves behind an insulting-to-mid-westerners existence in Iowa (only found in the movies -- he didn't attend high school because his town didn't have one ... whatever), the RIDICULOUSLY-accented Bucky (that is NOT an Iowa accent ... but let's throw-out another stupid laugh at the expense of the heartland) heads to LA where his dreams can come true.

Bucky luckily meets a nice, big-hearted waitress (Christina Ricci - Sleepy Hollow, Penelope, Monster ... and after this is it any wonder she seeked out employment on television as Pan-Am is Oscar-caliber compared to this!) at a random diner who befriends him, finds him a place to live (with crazy-jerk roommate Kevin Nealon - "SNL", "Weeds", Just Go With It) and sets him in the right direction of finding work. Don Johnson (Tin Cup, Machete ... who's short-lived career rebirth must be over) is porn director Miles Deep who sees something "special" in Bucky and decides to exploit the freak (it's explained in the film ... but I don't recommend watching this to figure out the "freak-tag" that has NOTHING to do with his teeth!) and Stephen Dorff (who's stellar "comeback" with the excellent film Somewhere must have been a fluke!!) plays a jealous porn-star rival.

As vulgar and repulsive as this film is, there is surprisingly little flesh on display. It would be difficult to pick-out the worst part of this film as that would pretty-much be the whole thing. Just as impossible would be finding "the best" part. This film isn't bad because it is offensive -- we've had Bridesmaids and two Hangover films -- it is just terrible bad. What works with those 3 films is that they are "equal-opportunity offenders" ... this one -- NOT so much. It is rank and rancid and beyond mere words for criticism. I NEVER want to see something like this again.

"Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star" bombed big time when it was released to theaters. It may have been because it was released in the beginning of September, when there are few people going to movie theaters. It may have been because the movie is about the porn industry, which has never been a popular movie topic for mainstream moviegoers. It may have also been because the relentless television commercials for the movie were very annoying. But I think the main reason why it bombed was that the audience smelled it for the stinker that it was. There are no laughs anywhere to be found in the movie, for one thing. But it also has a weird tone, like it was written by a dirty-minded and mean-spirited eight year old. It's not very audience-friendly, to put it mildly. The cast is spirited, but they can do absolutely nothing with the terrible script.

Oh, one more piece of evidence for its badness: The end credits for this 2011 release list a 2010 copyright, suggesting that Columbia Pictures didn't know what to do with the movie for quite some time.