The Terminators

The Asylum presents The Terminators, and a part of me deplores their most legally untenable title yet, I have to admire their audacity in taking a similar them to a popular franchise and attempting to circumvent the copyright laws by simply making the title plural. These are the plucky plagiarizers who were sued by the makers of "The Day The Earth Stood Still" for their movie "The Day The Earth Stopped," and won, so I'm guessing they're feeling lucky. One wonders the next endeavor from the Asylum will feature a cloned British spy, who will be known as "James Bonds." The basic premise is that mankind has an army of androids performing various tasks and oddjobs around the country. The robots revolt in unison around the country and begin uniformly attempting to kill every human being they can, by either pulling out various organs, impaling them with punches, or just shooting them with a gun. Sadly the robots (cheekily dubbed "TR4s") are mute throughout, which leaves one to imagine the horrible puns that could have been written for them ("I'll be coming back!" "Come with with me if you want to live . . .just kidding!" *blam!*).

All the androids are identical, which is understandable, but what I don't get is why every single one of them is wearing the exact same outfit. Some of these robots were working in shops, some were working on a space station, some were presumably dancing at a bachelorette party, yet they are all wearing slacks and a sleeveless shirt? The robots are played by an iron jawed, bodybuilder type (Paul Logan) who seems like his exclusive preparation was watching a lot of Arnold as the (actual) Terminator to determine how to run and fire a gun like a big-screen, killing machine, muscular, humanoid robot, which Arnold wrote the book on. I'm not saying its legible, but he definitely wrote the book.

We follow a small band of survivors from a little town outside of Los Angeles, robot holocaust, led by the town Sheriff (A Martinez — that's the actor's name "A Martinez", as apparently the Asylum could not afford a specific Martinez, but had to settle for a more generic brand).

I want to say I had an absolute blast watching the Terminators with friends last night, and for fun/bad movie lovers I highly recommend it.

Daniel J. Roos film.ispwn.com

First off, I apologize to my wife for making her watch this film with me. This is by far the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life. This movie is like a porno without the porn!!! Driller Killer had more cinematic prowess than this, and that is a movie that shouldn't be mentioned around anyone feeling remotely depressed for fear of a sudden shift toward the suicidal. B movies are bad, but this one has managed to plummet into the depths of God-awful. Is there such a thing as a C movie? Please, please, PLEASE, if you or a loved one are thinking of renting this movie, or DEAR GOD, buying this thing, just don't do it. Put the DVD case down, back away, and run. You'll thank me for this review. If you don't take this advice, be prepared to live with the consequences. Do anything else. Visit the IRS, go see your ex for pleasant conversation, or go to the dentist and get the 4 hour root canal you've been postponing. Your time will be better spent than curling up with this piece of trash.

Yes it's that bad. In this "movie" robots turn against humans just like on futurama, only less scary or believable. Watch Troll 2 instead.

Since I can't really add anything new or different to what others have written (basically, any review with score of 2 stars or less I'm in agreement with), I decided to add to the list of films Asylum should consider making:

Battlestar Galaxia; Star Track, The Motion Movie; Star War IV, A New Hopefulness; Star War V, The Empire Stages a Counter-offensive; Star War VI, The Jedi Comes Back; Babylon 6; Lightning Bug; The Twilight Area

Maybe they should get into historical dramas:

Approximately 300; The Passion of the Jesus; Troys; Inglorious Soldiers Who Never Knew Their Fathers; Spartacusus; Saving Corporal Ryan

Paleeese... I'm not judging the actors just the acting. It looked like none of the actors were given a script, only lines to say. By today standards this film stepped in "B" and could not get out. Rather than spending your time watching this, your time would be better spent taking a nap. The visual EFX were OK but obviously a lack of budget hurt the finished product. The constant use of very close head shots was very TVish, possibly to make up for the cheap locations or lack of set dressing, I don't know. I did not,no, could not watch the whole thing. I took that nap instead. I can't say this is the worst feature film I've ever seen, but then CRANK 2 will be hard to drive out of that position.