- Marriettiello: Fabiè, I wanted to buy you a gift, but I forgot.
- Fabietto Schisa: That's okay, Mario, it's the thought that counts.
- Alfredo: With his hand! A god! He scored with his hand. He has avenged the great Argentine people, oppressed by the ignoble imperialists in the Malvinas. He's a genius! He's a genius! It's a political act. A revolution. He humiliated them, you understand? He humiliated them!
- Antonio Capuano: Do you know how many stories there are in this city? Look! Is it possible this city doesn't inspire you at all?
- Saverio Schisa: Look, you'll have a girlfriend soon, and this misery will be a thing of the past. But follow my advice. For your first time... For your first time, take whatever comes. Even a total dog is okay. Just get your first time out of the fuckin' way.
- Fabietto Schisa: I really liked it. Next time...
- Baronessa Focale: Next time will be with a girl your own age. I accomplished my mission.
- Fabietto Schisa: What was your mission?
- Baronessa Focale: To help you look to the future.
- Marchino Schisa: What do you call what Maradona just did?
- Fabietto Schisa: A free kick?
- Marchino Schisa: No. It's called perseverance. And I'll never have it. So you better have it, Fabiè.
- Antonio Capuano: Don't come undone.
- Fabietto Schisa: What does that mean?
- Antonio Capuano: You gotta figure it out yourself.
- Saverio Schisa: Here, your birthday present. Stand B seats, of course.
- Fabietto Schisa: Thank you, God!
- Saverio Schisa: Don't thank God. I'm the one who bought you a season ticket!
- Fabietto Schisa: Listen, Marchino... Mama and Papa aren't around anymore. And we're not rich. We've got to figure out what we want to do next.
- Marchino Schisa: No, Fabiè... I don't wanna think about it. It's summer. It's August 9th. I wanna think about Gigliola, about getting high, friends. I wanna think about happiness. Don't you?
- Maria Schisa: You sure you only want a bowl of zuppa di latte for your birthday? Want me to cook you something special?
- Fabietto Schisa: Zuppa di latte is special. It reminds me of when I was little. Papa would be in Milan for work and you wouldn't feel like cooking. We'd have zuppa di latte and you'd let me sleep in your bed.
- Maria Schisa: Maybe he wasn't really in Milan.
- Marchino Schisa: He said I have a conventional face. I asked what that meant, and he said, You look like a waiter from Anacapri.
- Fabietto Schisa: Why don't we buy a TV with a remote like everyone else?
- Saverio Schisa: Don't talk nonsense. I'm a communist.
- Baronessa Focale: She and her whole family put on airs. Just because they're from the north of Italy. Those dimwits think they're Austro-Hungarian!
- Maria Schisa: We're from the Kingdom of Naples!
- Baronessa Focale: Don't make fun of me.
- Marchino Schisa: So... how hot was Aunt Patrizia today? Buck naked. On a scale of one to a hundred?
- Fabietto Schisa: A billion.
- Marchino Schisa: If you had to choose between Maradona coming to Napoli and screwing Aunt Patrizia... which would you choose?
- Fabietto Schisa: Maradona.
- San Gennaro: Now, Patrizia, bend over and kiss the Little Monk's head. For good luck. There! Now you can have all the children you want...
- Maria Schisa: Why don't you come join us?
- Signora Gentile: Because you people are trash!
- Saverio Schisa: What pleasantries is Signora Gentile saying?
- Maria Schisa: In a most poetic outburst, she says she holds us all in the highest regard.
- Fabietto Schisa: What else did Fellini say?
- Marchino Schisa: Nothing. At one point, a journalist called. Fellini says to him: Cinema's not good for anything, but it's a distraction. The journalist must've asked him: A distraction from what? And Fellini says: From reality, reality is lousy.
- Fabietto Schisa: That's all he said?
- Marchino Schisa: Isn't that enough?
- Albertino: How's your acting career going?
- Marchino Schisa: Don't go on about that.
- Maria Schisa: He's got an audition with Fellini.
- Marchino Schisa: It's not an audition. Fellini's just looking for extras. He's seeing 4,000 people.
- Maria Schisa: It's still an audition.
- Saverio Schisa: Will you ever stop playing pranks? You're gonna kill her.
- Maria Schisa: She'll never know it was me.
- Saverio Schisa: Yes, she will, because you're gonna tell her. We're communists. We're honest to the core.
- Maria Schisa: Signora Gentile, will you come with us?
- Signora Gentile: Go suck a sausage!
- Aldo Cavallo: What did she say about sausages?
- Geppino: Mama says to offer you a snack.
- Saverio Schisa: Is that Baroness Focale? She looks just like John Paul II.
- Fabietto Schisa: You're right.
- Saverio Schisa: But the Pope is sexier.
- Maria Schisa: Nennè, you didn't even try the bell peppers.
- Nenella: Of course not. I'm doing Witch Watch.
- Franco: What's that?
- Austera: She means Weight Watchers.
- Albertino: She's already lost almost 8 pounds.
- Signora Gentile: Lose another 130 to match Pavarotti's weight!
- Albertino: Ignore him. Our uncle's a lawyer. He's grown a little cynical after losing 18 consecutive lawsuits.
- Baronessa Focale: Your neighbor went to that wedding on Saturday.
- Maria Schisa: How was it?
- Baronessa Focale: The way she tells it, it was like Charles and Diana's. Incredible, enchanting, elegant, captivating.
- Maria Schisa: Nice!
- Baronessa Focale: Nice? Vulgar is more like it. A wedding on Procida Island? Just imagine. I could understand Capri, but Procida...
- Saverio Schisa: What did you rent?
- Marchino Schisa: Once Upon a Time in America.
- Saverio Schisa: The one with De Niro? We'll watch it later.
- Antonio Capuano: To make films you gotta have balls. Do you have balls? I rather doubt it. So you need pain. You got that?
- Fabietto Schisa: Yes, I told you. On that front, I'm good.
- Antonio Capuano: What did you tell me? What pain? No, you don't have pain. You have hope. With hope, you make comforting films. It's a trap.
- Fabietto Schisa: They left me alone. That's pain.
- Antonio Capuano: It's not enough, Schisa! We're all alone.
- Nenella: What a shitty world this is. You go buy dessert, and when you get back, your husband's in jail.
- Carabiniere: Good evening, are you Geppino Lettieri?
- Geppino: That's me. What's going on? We're watching the game.
- Carabiniere: The game's over.
- Fabietto Schisa: When were you gonna tell me?
- Daniela Schisa: When you were bigger.
- Fabietto Schisa: Which is when?
- Daniela Schisa: Now. You're bigger now.
- Fabietto Schisa: Now that my family has disintegrated, I don't like life anymore. I don't like it anymore. I want an imaginary life, just like the one I had before. I don't like reality anymore. Reality is lousy. That's why I want to make films, even though I've only seen three or four.
- Antonio Capuano: I like conflict. Without conflict you don't progress. Without conflict it's just sex, and sex is useless.
- Armando: I don't wanna talk about sad stuff.
- Fabietto Schisa: Then there's nothing to talk about.
- Armando: You pissed off? Orphans are always pissed off.
- Alfredo: Why weren't you at Roccaraso? You like to ski.
- Fabietto Schisa: Napoli played at home. I had to see Maradona.
- Alfredo: It was him! He's the one who saved you!
- Fabietto Schisa: Who?
- Alfredo: It was him! It was the hand of God!
- Fabietto Schisa: Mama said you treated your husband like a doormat.
- Baronessa Focale: It's not enough to overhear a few quarrels. Truth is, you never know what's going on in other people's homes.
- Signora Gentile: It's your fault they arrested my son. You knew he was cheating, and you didn't stop him. 'Cause you only care about one thing. Money!
- Baronessa Focale: Have you met your sister-in-law's boyfriend?
- Maria Schisa: We will on Sunday, in Agerola.
- Baronessa Focale: Agerola's such a shithole.
- Maria Schisa: The air is clean.
- Baronessa Focale: All shitholes have clean air.