Model House

Stumbling upon the 2024 thriller "Model House" by random chance, I opted to sit down and watch it, on account of it being a movie that I had never heard about.

I didn't know what I was in for here, so writer and director Derek Pike had every opportunity to entertain me with this movie.

While "Model House" certainly was a watchable popcorn thriller movie, it just wasn't an outstanding viewing experience. Writer and director Derek Pike was simply keeping the movie afloat by using generic horror tropes and home invasion tropes that has been done and seen countless times in other movies. And on that account, then "Model House" just didn't bring anything new to the genre. Sure, it was a watchable horror movie, though it was a generic and rather forgettable one at that.

The acting performances in the movie were good, and there were a couple of familiar faces on the cast list, with the likes of Cory Anne Roberts, Scout Taylor-Compton, Randy Wayne, Phillip Andre Botello and Ryan Merriman.

Visually then "Model House" was okay. Nothing outstanding here in terms of special effects or gore.

Watchable for what it was, "Model House" is a thriller movie that came and went. I doubt that I will ever return to watch it a second time.

My rating of "Model House" lands on a five out of ten stars.

Y'know how sometimes movies can be be really terrible, but there were a few scenes, or characters, or lines of dialog that made them worthwhile? This isn't one of those. To be fair, the opening scene was enjoyable, but that only upped my expectations for the rest of the movie. Yup, two minutes into the movie, you've already seen the best this movie has to offer, then nothing else comes close.

There were some early scenes that the director may have felt were stylish, but, in retrospect, were more likely added just to pad the movie's runtime. Or, equally plausible, an early draft of the script had elements that were discarded along the way. I won't go into specifics, so as not to include any spoilers, but if you have absolutely nothing better to do and watch this movie, you'll see what I mean.

Five girls live and work in an isolated house. They are models and social media influencers. One night, two masked intruders take them captive. They are robbers but not in a traditional way.

I couldn't care less about these girls. They are mostly annoying and I stop paying attention to them. It's a tough first thirty minutes after a fun car accident. The home invasion part is fun for a little while. At a certain point, this group of robbers would have killed everybody and burn the house down. They definitely would not carefully wrap up the bodies for disposal. I still like some of kills, but this is a pretty stupid movie.

I had Model House pegged as a campy B movie that I was going to have to lean on the fast forward button to get through. But I'm telling you, the movie wasn't all that bad.

The acting was surprising good. The actresses looked liked legit models, but the whole thing didn't fall into a bimbo beat-up ore sorority slasher sort of movie. I can't quite put my finger on it, but there was a serious flavor to this movie; serious when you were expecting cheesy. It was something about how the movie flowed, how the characters delivered their lines that really impressed me.

Another thing, the direction was better than most movies in this genre, so that may be have alot to do with it. Even the closing song was well placed. No, this isn't going to make anyone's top 100 list, but for what it is, and how it could have turned out, Model House was a damn good movie.

6/10 Alot better than you'd think.

Full disclosure: I only watched this to see hot chick in skimpy bikinis.

Well I got that but I got something else. The worst acting I have ever seen in my entire life. I have never ever seen such amateurish delivery of lines ever before.

Now admittedly the script is written this way (i.e. BADLY), but someone had to give the script a green light and come up for the money to make this garbage.

Nobody talks like these characters and it's clear from the very beginning that the writer is living in some sort of dark basement away from civilization and has no clue how to write dialog.

Hands down, the worst movie I've seen all year, bikinis or not.