- Kempton Bunton: I'd just finished reading Joseph Conrad's Heart Of Darkness and I felt a need to explore Sunderland.
- Kempton Bunton: Shall I put the kettle on, love?
- Dorothy Bunton: If you think it will go with your outfit.
- [first lines]
- Debbie - Clerk of the Court: Will the defendant please stand. Kempton Bunton, you are charged that on the 21st of March, 1961, you stole from the National Gallery the portrait of Duke of Wellington by the artist Francisco Goya., at the value of 140,000 pounds. How do you plead, guilty or not guilty?
- Kempton Bunton: Not guilty.
- Debbie - Clerk of the Court: And that you created a public nuisance by depriving members of the public of the opportunity to view the portrait. Do you plead guilty or not guilty?
- Kempton Bunton: Same again, love. Not guilty.
- Debbie - Clerk of the Court: [barely conceals a smile]
- DI Brompton: Nice arse.
- DI Macpherson: You are a married man, Reg.
- DI Brompton: I can look at a menu as long as I eat at home.
- Dorothy Bunton: I'm shaking.
- Kempton Bunton: It's the shock.
- Dorothy Bunton: Shock, yes, I'm shocked. There's a stolen masterpiece in my *wardrobe*.
- Kempton Bunton: I'm taking it back.
- Dorothy Bunton: Anything else I need to know?
- Kempton Bunton: I lost my job at the bakery.
- Dorothy Bunton: No! There's a surprise.
- Kempton Bunton: Rome wasn't built in a day, Jackie. But then again, I wasn't on that particular job.
- Kempton Bunton: I stood up against racial bigotry.
- Dorothy Bunton: Well done.
- Kempton Bunton: Someone had to say something.
- Dorothy Bunton: Yes, and it's called Martin Luther bloody King, not Kempton Bunton.
- Dorothy Bunton: Who's read this?
- Kempton Bunton: Nobody. I should... thinking of only sending one copy out.
- Dorothy Bunton: Who to?
- Kempton Bunton: Telly.