Dial M for Middlesbrough

Great cast but oh my the story was written by a 12 year old bored with their English assignment. Dull story and dull laughter.

Avoid this non laugh out loud rubbish TV movie. It makes the 70's confession movies look like a Hollywood production.

After the feeble Death on the Tyne. Draper's tour operators Terry (Johnny Vegas) and Gemma (Sian Gibson) return in another disappointing and overlong instalment.

On the way to Middlesborough, the coach breaks down at a dismal down in the dumps caravan park, a place where Gemma once had a holiday of a lifetime.

Pretty soon they stumble across people getting murdered in some sadistic ways.

The site owner is hoping that the land is designated as a nesting site for some rare birds which means he does not have to sell it to H from Steps.

Jason Donovan plays a sleazy entertainments manager who once had a thing for Gemma.

It is a combination of comedy and gruesome deaths. One person gets spiked by a swingball, Terry finds a finger in some soup he had and there is even a hit man wandering about.

The best joke was Terry wanting to have a classy wedding with Gemma and lay on a gravy fountain with vegetables. It was the only decent gag in the whole thing.

Two bodies and a caravan park full of wierdos.

After the two previous episodes I was looking forward to it, it continues the trend of smut, nonsense, pure stupidity and murder.

Don't expect an Agatha Christie or a Carry on Film, but there was an effort to find something in the middle. It is fun, but it's fun for this time of year, think panto season, think exaggerated over the top nonsense. If you take it for what it is, light hearted fluff you'll enjoy it, expect much and you'll be disappointed.

It boasts a wonderful cast, Jason Donovan adds a bit of star quality, but the standout for me was Joanna Page, she was lots of fun.

Seeing Annette Crosbie was enough for me to enjoy it. 6/10

Yes the plot and outcome are OK. The journey there is sadly so bland and innocuous, I found myself doing that modern thing of making a distraction by browsing about on my phone, using this "comedy-drama" as background noise. It was laboured and lacking any really rich dialogue. Heavy use of backing music and eternal editing. Ed Bye, still a great director, must consider this a low career point, as I'm sure a lot of the acting talent felt too. Johnny Vegas and Sian Gibson anchor it OK but they visually struggle to keep this entertaining. I've seen the offerings in this occasional series ( Draper Tours) of whodunnits from writer Jason Cook, who must have signed a lucrative deal to really get these passed for broadcasting. The highlight was Jason Donovan who (ironically for me) was the stand out of all the characters. Annette Crosbie can do no wrong too. The real mistake is that it feels it's made as a theatre farce. Over acted and loud with pregnant pauses as if waiting for the audience to laugh or applaud. Unfortunately, not many of us did.

There are some good actors here, but they don't stand a chance in this under-rehearsed moronic drivel. The whole thing is desperately unfunny. There is far too much quick cutting, which means the director fails to capitalise on his one plus point; the performances.

Highly amateurish, Dial M for Middlesbrough is a abject failure.