Astonishing Tales of Terror: Rocktapussy

This is what a good low budget B movie is all about. A story that is total nonsense, and characters that do not take their roles seriously. And really cheesy special effects. There is a breakthrough by three men in a mine, into a series of room, which turns out to be a bad idea, and only one survives, the other two taken by a creature. Meanwhile, Hunter, a reporter with her camera man Cam, are undercover at a strip joint, and Hunter, as a pole dancer, manages to catch the mayor as a fraud, corrupt as can be. Her rival, Annie, an airhead, and co-reporter Declan, equally dumb, provide fluff pieces, and Annie doesn't even know the name of her camera man. Years later, the closed off area of the mine is intended to be opened, using a special Russian invented laser. The sole survivor warns against opening that area, and when ignored, detonates a suicide vest, trapping everyone. The survivors have to try and find a way to escape. The creatures mostly seen are a cross between a trilobite and horseshoe crab, and can turn people into zombies. And if the creature escapes, it is doom for the human race. It is nutty, it is silly but it is also fun entertainment. Just don't try and make sense out of anything.

I am going be honest. I didn't understand a great deal of it. That's probably because I was messing with my phone ten minutes into this nonsense.

I will give it its due, it doesn't take itself seriously.

Brigitte Kingsleys cleavage, boobs, body and underwear are supposedly the star of the show here which is kind of weird because her husband is the writer and director who clearly doesn't mind writing his wife into scenes were she enters into one night stands, gets tied up, and appears in the scantiest of costumes. At one point I did think what's it like to have your hobby as your job!

Skip it, you won't miss anything.

No pun intended - this really is in the eye of the beholder. How much can you take of this? How many legs does this have to stand on? None obviously since it is an immortal being without legs, but that is besides the point - or maybe another pun ... and if you liked that - thought it was funny ... then maybe, just maybe, the movie is something you can watch without being annoyed or cringing too much.

There is violence in here, there is .. some sort of nudity in here too. And kudos to the main actress. She plays off of her beauty and does not care about what others say - that is true of her character of course. Undercover much? Well not so many things that are covering her ... ah yes another pun. One that the movie uses too btw .. anyway, this is special ... in a few way ... and yet maybe not special enough. Probably watch the trailer first before you embark ... this may explode in your face otherwise ... and with this pun, I bid you farewell.

Astonishing Tales of Terror: Rocktapussy! Is truly contender for the most planted reviews, which credit the film with a higher than deserved rating because of the lead's partial nudity! It's truly astonishing that anyone would consider nudity a skill, or that any sort of film as poorly acted and directed would be given anything higher than a 2/10. Aside from the fact that the storyline I flimsy to the point of annoyance, there's the lack of direction, horrible creature effects, and sickeningly wooden dialogue. It's quite obvious that the bulk of this movie is the non-skill of being a fit woman. I'm sorry, Ms Kingsley, you couldn't act your way out of your own clothes. Avoid this stunningly horrible time waster.

Astonishing Tales Of Terror: Rocktapussy, it's one of those titles that attracts your attention, but that make you highly suspicious about the quality of the movie. Since it was categorized in the Fantasy genre, a genre that is most of the times highly entertaining when it's made well I gave it a shot. I can't say that was a good decision. It's all very low budget, with a lot of scenes that make no logical sense at all, and with actors that should not give up their regular day jobs if they even have one. It's basically all about the boobs of Brigitte Kingsley, that will get your attention, but the rest is just below average, mediocre at best.