Gutterballs

The plot - A woman is brutally beaten and gang raped in a bowling alley by four guys, culminating in her getting a bowling pin shoved into her nether regions. The next night while two rival teams (loud-mouthed frat jocks vs. emo/punk/new waver types) are facing off after hours, a killer starts hacking everyone up in gory detail. Typically simplistic slasher movie set-up, but fair enough. I can live with it. The film had some potential. I loved the idea of a slasher flick set in a bowling alley, and the idea of bowling props being used to kill. The synthesizer-sounding music and the neon blue credits reminded me of that wonderfully cheesy 80's staple SORORITY BABES IN THE SLIMEBALL BOWL-O-RAMA too, as did the ball polisher gag. I guess that's an off-the-wall movie to pay tribute to. There was plenty of gore also. Eyes are gouged out, private parts are mangled, people are raped with bowling pins, heads are smashed in, etc. The movie does deliver in that aspect. It also delivers some rather graphic nudity. We're talking porn level close-ups of female anatomy, as well as a brief, but X-rated, oral sex scene that seems to come out of nowhere (and may employ rubber parts, anyway). So why didn't I like this very much?

Mainly because the characters were so bloody annoying, and the dialogue was so incredibly awful (was there even a script?), that the movie became irritating and monotonous right out of the gate. Non-stop profane/vulgar whining coming from a bunch of terrible actors screaming everything at the top of their lungs just simply got on my nerves. The one-liners and pseudo-insults were neither clever or funny; "You're a stupid f***ing c**t!" ... "Go get me a beer you f***ing whore!" ... "I'm gonna kick your f***ing ass you f****t!" Soooo witty, huh? On and on it goes, with no relief in sight. Seemed more like a bunch of adults running around acting like a bunch of misbehaved 12-year-old potty-mouthed brats who think the "f" word in and of itself is high comedy. And it got old right from the beginning. There's not a single likable, amusing or even slightly interesting character to be found in this entire movie. All I wanted to do after awhile was fast-forward to the gore, which is basically what I'd recommend doing since this film offers little else of interest.

The sad thing is that it COULD have been a lot of fun. The initial mood and the neon lights and the setting were the proper groundwork laid out for a fun time. At first I thought I might just like this. But everyone in this movie was so hateful, loud, one-dimensional, obnoxious and over-the-top, that the fun quickly vanished and it actually became kind of depressing to watch. The actors in this film don't seem like a talented bunch to begin with, but I can hardly blame them for coming off badly if what they are reciting here is actual scripted dialogue. I didn't care what happened to any of these idiots. All I wanted was for them to shut up. They didn't die soon enough. Even the "good" guys weren't the least bit likable. I also took little guilty pleasure in the rape-revenge aspect because three times as many innocent people were killed than the attackers, and many of the death scenes reserved for the uninvolved parties were far more sadistic and torturous than what was dished out to the actual rapists. Of course, the movie tries to provide an explanation for this at the very end but like every other aspect of the script, it's basically rubbish.

I'm sure some out there will accuse me of being uptight or say I'm not "hardcore" (whatever the hell that means) enough because I thought this one sucked, but whatever. In reality, I don't mind bad language, bad taste, gore, rape or nudity in my exploitation films. That's fine and dandy. But there's a thing commonly referred to as overkill, and this film suffers from it. By allowing his cast to behave like obnoxious, shrieking cretins and giving them so much lousy, horribly-written dialogue (or allowing them to improvise too much), the director/writer single handedly killed off his intentions for a fun bowling-themed slasher flick. Instead of being entertaining, it's merely tedious and nihilistic. Either learn a little restraint or for the love of God put at least one character in your movie that isn't a shrill, cartoonish, foul-mouthed moron we have to sit and listen to scream for an hour before you finally show we the viewers some mercy by killing them off.

My hat is certainly off to Writer/Director Ryan Nicholson...

How he was able to push this past the censorship board is a statement in itself... And I will admit, I have never seen anything quite like "Gutterballs". A comedic slasher film at heart, the 1970's exploitation homage oozes out of every frame in bold (Red) colors. But, besides the gore, you are watching what most Cinemax late night adult movies will not even show... You see it all!!! This might be there for a reason though, to cover up the fact that there really is NO story, or at least nothing the average 25 year old could find interesting. Never really introducing the characters, the writing just seems to be that of an over-sexed 15 year old boy, filled with horror movie cliché's, boobs and explicit language. Not that there is anything wrong with this, but when the dialog becomes nothing more then F-Bombs, followed by more F-Bombs, then a couple of "Where's my whores?", followed by (you guessed it) another F-Bomb, it gets old real fast... Really bad acting is compensated by tons of graphic gore. In fact, the gore-factor (Almost) out-weighs the porn-factor, but alas we are so stunned by some of the nudity that the gratuitous splatter is almost over-looked. I am NOT knocking this film! In fact, I found it extremely fun and a great way to bring back some great old ideas and try a few new ones. Mr. Nicholson obviously has a talent for knowing what entertains (at least 15 year old boys), and I think with a bit more (creative) writing and character development, he will become a horror force to be reckoned with.

Gutterballs (2008)

** 1/2 (out of 4)

A woman is brutally gang raped by four men. The next night those men, the woman and his other friends meet up at the same bowling alley and one by one people begin to get brutally murdered.

GUTTERBALLS is a film I had never heard of before joining a few Facebook groups and it seems this title was popping up all over the place. Writer-director Ryan Nicholson wanted to make a throwback to the 80's slasher film and he certainly accomplished that and a whole lot more. I'm really not sure who to recommend this thing to because it's going to either offend most or it's just going to drive them crazy by annoying them. If you "get" the picture then I think you'll have a good time but viewer discretion is certainly advised before attempting to watch this thing.

This is the type of film you really watch as a dare because, like I said, it's pretty brutal from start to finish. It's certainly not graphic like the recent trend of torture porn because the film is so over-the-top that you can't take it too serious. This includes all the characters who are downright stupid and annoying but I'm pretty sure this was done on purpose. The film is notorious for the death scenes and there's no doubt that there's some original and memorable scenes. If you've seen enough horror movies then you know it's hard to see something original but we get at least five original deaths here. Some are so downright crazy that you really have to see them to believe it. Needless to say, even Lucio Fulci would tip his hat.

While this film will always be remembered and talked about for its gore, I think the strongest thing is the technical aspects. There's no doubt that director Nicholson does an extremely good job at telling the story and there's no question that he can handle a film. I'm not sure what the budget was but I'm sure it was low but the film still has a professional look to it. The most amazing thing is that the film really does look like it was filmed during the early 80's. A lot of filmmakers try to capture that "look" but most fail That's not the case here. There are some flaws with the picture including some of the performances, the annoying characters and I think the film runs too long but there's still no question that GUTTERBALLS is quite an original film in many ways and that makes it worth watching if you can stomach it.

This movie was entertaining considering the mass amount of woman degradation, over the top blood and gore, and shocking death scenes. The acting was horrible, the script could not have been any worse and I think I even lost a few brain cells watching this. BUT if you are looking for hot chicks, lots of sex, and original and inventive death scenes, then this movie is for you.

I must warn that there is a pretty graphic and overly long rape scene if you are sensitive to such things. This movie is not for the average movie viewer but if you enjoy an excess of sex and gore, then this movie is for you.

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Looking past the questionable audio and image quality of this movie, then "Gutterballs" is an enjoyable, albeit corny, campy and simple, slasher movie. It did score points for being unique and different. For a slasher movie, though, the movie was lacking an interesting and stylish killer. Yes, there was a killer, but the design of the costume was just stupid.

The storyline is very, very simple; a group of young people get trapped in a bowling hall with a rampart killer.

While the killer in the movie was very plain and silly, then the movie does have a heap of blood and gore, as well as good ways that some people are killed. And that is what makes the movie watchable.

It should be said that there is an excessive amount of cursing, foul language and the f-word is almost in every single sentence. So if you are offended by such language, then you should perhaps skip on watching "Gutterball".

The characters were generic and lacking characteristics and memorability. As such, you don't really connect with the characters and roles, and they are but mere fodder for the killer. Except for Steve who you just hate right away.

"Gutterballs" is fun enough for a single viewing, just don't expect anything groundbreaking.