Lesbian Vampire Killers

Centuries ago, Baron Wolfgang MacLaren vanquished the Vampire Queen Carmilla (Silvia Colloca) in the remote Cragwich; however, before decapitating the evil vampire, she curses the locals and descendants of the baron, swearing that every woman would turn into a lesbian vampire on the eighteenth birthday. On the present days, the clumsy and naive cuckold Jimmy (Mathew Horne) is dumped again by his girlfriend Judy (Lucy Gaskell) and misses her. His best friend Fletch (James Corden) is fired in his job of clown after hitting an annoying boy. The two friends are broken and decide to camp in the countryside to forget their problems, and Jimmy throws a dart in a map in a pub to decide where they should go. They head to Cragwich and when they arrive in the bar Baron's Rest, they see four hot girls leaving the place in a Kombi. The innkeeper offers the old Mircalla cottage in the woods for them, the same place the girls will lodge. Meanwhile, Lotte (MyAnna Buring), Heide (Tiffany Mulheron), Anke (Louise Dylan) and Trudi (Ashley Mulheron) have trouble with their van and Jimmy and Fletch reach them in the forest and they offer a ride to the guys to the cottage. They introduce themselves as students of folklore and they are researching the Vampire Queen Carmilla. When Fletch believes that he will have a night of beer and sex with three sexy girls and Jimmy and Lotte have a crush on each other, the cottage is surrounded by a group of lesbian vampires that vampires intend to use Jimmy and Lotte's blood to bring Carmilla back to life. They are abducted by the vampires, but Fletch escapes and meets Reverend Vicar (Paul McGann) that tells him that Jimmy is a descendant of the baron and only hope to stop the evil curse of Cragwich.

The B-movie "Lesbian Vampire Killers" is indeed an entertaining silliness with a funny story, supported by a stylish cinematography, very sexy women and two imbeciles in the lead roles. There are many good moments, and I particularly liked when Jimmy invites by chance the lesbian vampires to enter in the cottage; or the reference to a gay werewolf inclusive in the very last scene; or when Judy meets her lover at his home. This movie will certainly never be nominated to an Oscar and is not recommended to intellectuals or fans of art movie; however, for an average viewer like me that knows what might expect from a movie with the title "Lesbian Vampire Killers", he or she will not be disappointed and will certainly laugh a lot. The beautiful and sexy actresses have been very well cast by the producers. My vote is six.

Title (Brazil): Not Available (only on 30 October 2009)

Note: On 29 January 2021, I saw this film again on Blu-Ray. Title (Brazil): "Matadores de Vampiras Lésbicas" ("Lesbian Vampire Killers")

When Jimmy is dumped by his girlfriend for the umpteenth time, he persuades his friend Fletch to join him on a hiking holiday. Arriving in a small town, they are sent to a cottage where there is free accommodation. It also happens to have a camper van full of girls staying there too! But they discover that there is an ancient curse on the girls in the village, where when a girl turns 18 they become a lesbian vampire.....

This movie is the latest to try and combine the horror and comedy genres. It certainly gets the humour content spot-on. Paul Hupfield and Stewart Williams have written a very funny script. A lot of the humour does rely on the chemistry of James Corden and Mathew Horne as Fletch and Jimmy, and they are both very good too. Paul McGann gives good support as a priest who helps fight the evil in the area. The girls in the movie are very attractive, if not the best actors.

Phil Claydon directs the movie quite well. The movie looks impressive, the sets a throwback to the Hammer horror movies of the sixties.

But where the movie fails is the horror element. There never any real scares that the best horror comedy movies have. It could be that this movie is aimed purely as a comedy, that happens to be horror set, but as it is billed as a horror-comedy it has to be judged on those terms.

The effects and make-up are pretty good, and because of a lack of blood (when the vampires die, a white substance erupts from them), it is only rated a 15 in the UK.

The movie is fast paced and never out-stays it welcome and for it's running time, will have you laughing a lot. Sadly though it lacks the horror element to put it up there with the better horror comedies.

This is without a doubt a movie all teenage boys wish they could have made. Dumb without a doubt. No real worth other than cheeky humor and showing off women in a tawdry way. But come on this is what the entire movie was about.

I hope that the budget wasn't all that much so that maybe they can do a sequel with werewolves so that Fletch can get what he asked for in this movie.

To all the people out there why slam a movie when the movie was made to be like this. It's not like they were trying to make another Dracula (1992). This was nothing but fun campy humor. And well done at that.

I use IMDb often for my decisions. If there are many contradictory opinions, like "boring" and "tensioning", then I go and view the movie. Mostly it works, so it did here for me. I watched this nice comedy twice, at first alone, second with my 16 years old son, both times in English with English subtitles (we are Austrian). We both enjoyed the dry humor and the actors. L.W.K. is well played, nice written and well produced. It really doesn't deserve the low IMDb rating. Maybe it's not for the big screen, and maybe the title discourages people to buy a ticket, because they think it's porn. I would recommend a less ambiguous title, and a better P.R. campaign, because the movie simply deserves it. So, if you can get the DVD, don't hesitate, buy or rent it. This nice comedy has its qualities. I have to confess that there could be some better development, more unpredictability, and whatsoever someone can miss here, but overall the movie itself is the surprise. Alone the first fifteen minutes are full of good ideas and are worth the price. For us boys (only).

This is for everyone who didn't like this movie. What did you expect. Really, what did you expect? You went to see a movie called Lesbian Vampire Killers. It had the lesbians, it had the vampires and oh yes, there were killings. Okay, it wasn't the best movie ever. The style was kind of like heroes meets sean of the dead. But it was as funny as other good comedies, it kept me entertained from start to finish mostly because of the lesbians but that's neither here nor there and although the plot was simple it was a nice idea. Essentially unless you like lesbians vampires and killings, and unless you one of those people who sees Matthew Horne throwing a sword at the bad guy who is in the middle of his two friends and think 'that doesn't make any sense he could have missed and hit James Corden, why didn't he just stab the sword' instead of thinking 'wow that was kick ass' then don't go and see this movie because you won't enjoy it.