The Magnificent Eleven

Cowboys, Indians, Bandits.

Good versus the bad. Indian restaurant and arranged marriage cliché.

Drunk man and failing marriage cliché.

Keith Allen in man not letting go of youth via 70s car cliché.

Pretty girl and Indian boy not supposed to get together but so alarmingly better looking than rest of cast it was inevitable cliché.

Crap Full Monty nude 11 men detained in bus cliché.

Crap fight scene rendering entire build up a laughing stock.

Gary Linnekar.

Avoid. It is poop. It was not good. Avoid.

I found myself watching The Magnificent Eleven as I'm binging on all the remakes of Seven Samurai (1954) and this is certainly the oddest.

That's right this 2013 British made football themed movie is remake of 1954's Japanese made samurai movie! Who would have thought it?

Starring Sean Pertwee, Keith Allen and a very tired looking Robert Vaughn this movie was at an immediate disadvantage with me.

I tend to dislike UK cinema and I hate football, so what chance did it stand really?

Telling the story of a small football team who seek sponsorship from a local indian restaurant and how it gets them into a spot of bother with the local crime syndicate.

I have to say it's not what I expected at all. For a start this is in no universe a remake of Seven Samurai, I don't know how in the blue hell they can justify that. Second the football is a side theme and the movie doesn't climax in a football game like you'd assume, it goes in a different direction and is all the better for it.

A distinctly average film from a genre I dislike that comes out better than expected mostly due to a great finale.

Better than it by all rights should have been and does NOT deserve the critical reception it seems to have recieved.

The Good:

Great finale

Strong cast

The Bad:

Robert Vaughn should have retired by this point, I loved the man but here he demonstrates that he should have been putting his feet up

Still a football movie at its core

Things I Learnt From This Movie:

I entirely approve of Gary Linker having a mute disguised role

Keith Allen has considerably more talent than his daughter could dream of

The Magnificent Eleven of the title are a bunch of boozy amateur league footballers, they are so bad that scoring one goal is seen as the equal of winning the World Cup! Unfortunately because they are so bad they can't get sponsorship and are about to fold. That is until a raucous night at the local Indian takeaway results in the saving of the team. But lurking around with menace is local thug American Bob, who along with his henchman are putting the squeeze on the restaurant for protection money owed.

Paul Barber is the manager, Keith Allen is the captain and Sean Pertwee is the star player! That's enough for British film fans to know just what sort of film this is. In truth in spite of its snazzy cast list, it's not very good, the attempt at making a play on The Magnificent Seven, with Robert Vaughn turning up as American Bob, never really works. However, for football fans, and especially those that have played Sunday league footie, there is charm to be found and some genuine laugh out loud moments. Only a Sunday league player in Britain could understand why a team called Real Sociopath is genius funny.

A select audience only for this one, non Brits need not apply. 5/10

The Full Monty its not. This is a truly awful film.

It is plodding, predictable, hackneyed, clichéd, totally uninvolving, unbelievable, and just not funny.

I am frankly staggered at the waste of talent on show here, and I can't believe anyone can call it an "excellent" film.

On the contrary, its a complete waste of my time, your time, and theirs.

How on earth it got past the initial stages is beyond me.

There's far superior films out there

Don't buy or rent it.

A great UK low budget film with loads of familiar faces. The storyline is bit predictable but never the less good fun and it all comes together nicely at the end. It has an array of likable characters. Sean Pertwee delivers as usual and Keith Allen is pretty good to. The football scenes are realistic unlike your American soccer films, and its great to see real footballers as extras. It's makes a pleasant change to some of the recent awful UK gangster films or hooligan films like Green street. The Indians are a little stereotyped and Robert Vaughan seems to play up his part a bit. I wasn't expecting too much but was pleasantly surprised. It's not going to be everyone's cup of tea, but if your looking for a few laughs and nothing too taxing you won't be too disappointed. It's the sort of film that would make a nice TV series.