Ninja Cheerleaders

You should be honest here. If you come in to check out a flick with the title of "Ninja Cheerleaders", you're most likely expecting hot cheerleaders and sexy ninjas. Not much more. Certainly neither Grammy-worthy acting nor a real plot is required here. You do actually WANT bad jokes, bad acting, ridiculous action, tons of TnA and heavy cheesiness! :-) You've come to the wrong place my friend, Ninja Cheerleaders does not deliver on almost any of these points! In fact, it might surprise you with bad taste.

Cheese factor is overwhelmingly great, so no complaints in that department. You will indeed get 3 hot all-in-one chicks karate-chopping the living hell out of some villain nuts. I kid you not when I say all-in-one! They're all super smart as well as the most beautiful women on earth who are made of steel, and on top of that they're also strippers, cheerleaders and A-grade college students. They are the essence of feminist perfection (I guess except for the stripper part, but it links in). Not only one of them is that awesome, but all three of them are MORE awesome than the other. I doubt they can even die! Every single dude in the whole school wants to get in their pants, whether jock or professor! In fact, it seems all the men on earth cannot resist them (except for their sage, wise, calm Japanese mentor and sensei... who also employs them as strippers in his club).

Yet, while they're indeed pretty, I didn't seem to be struck by them in the same way the male characters in the movie were. I've seen hotter babes even in real life. Perhaps this whole crazy chemical reaction only happens to the brains of unfortunate males that ran out of luck when they inadvertently happened to be right in front of the killer girls? Poor guys, it must be the spirit of the ninja. So far, so good? Well keep reading.

What baffles me is that with such a title and cover, you are targeting an audience of males looking for some goodhearted enjoyment through cheesy action and plenty of TnA. Yet, you never get any nudity from our katana-loving heroines: BOOOO!!! It gets even worse.

Did I say "karate-chopping the living hell out of some villain *nuts*"? I meant that literally! There's WAY TOO MUCH testicle-crushing here for any normal dude's enjoyment or (even) comfort! At one point, the girls even threaten to shove a hose up a bad guy's anus to his intestines, while taunting him as to whether the water overflowing his intestines would hurt more or would it be the metal tip of the hose entering him! All this, of course, only happens after one of our protagonists crushes his testicles in her bare hands (even commenting on how cool the crushing of testicles sounds). Nothing gory or really vicious-minded, but definitely a most disheartening picture for a normal man (and foolishly, with such a title, normal men are the targeted audience!).

The overly feminist overtones throughout the movie really ridicules the director David Presley. Our heroines explicitly utter things along the lines of "Men think they're superior so I *crush* their reasons to believe so" (with a big smile). Maybe at the time of the making of "Ninja Cheerleaders", Presley had recently undergone surgery below the belt that went really bad, and sought catharsis by making a ball-crushing movie.

On a side note, the acting sometimes is surprisingly good! But then again, the audience for such a movie doesn't care about acting! In fact, within a certain style and range, the worse the acting the more we love it.

I think this flick will greatly appeal to masochist men as well as feminist lesbians. Good, hot-blooded dudes, you should look elsewhere. The verdict: Good crazy action, heavy cheese factor, super-I-AM-YOUR-GOD-women, HEAPS of blatant feminist overtones, a serious lack of taste for a man simply looking for a fun B-Flick, and perhaps worst of all no real nudity. 2 stars for the cheese factor alone. Voilà!

Now this one was pretty insulting, though, honestly, going into a movie called Ninja Cheerleaders you know what you're getting into. Still, the description on the On Demand channel was hard to resist: three college girls are cheerleaders and students by day, but by night they are either ninjas or strippers. Depends on the night. Both of those professions, however, have the same employer, the girls' karate instructor Hiroshi, played by none other than George Takei. Kind of creepy, as the implication is that Sulu has been training these girls in the martial arts since they were children, and then later employed them at his strip club (so they can raise the money to go from their community college to Brown). The action is laughably awful. Most of the acting is actually better than one would expect. The three leads, Trishelle Cannatella, Ginny Weirick and Maitland McConnell are never going to win an Oscar, but they're acting is far above porn star acting. And at least they're attractive. The biggest bummer here is that the three cuties never show their breasts. They get down to lingerie. So as not to tease the audience too much, director Presley throws in some fancy wipes to real strippers for no particular reason as the scenes transition. This is most definitely schlock, but it kind of reminded me of the good old days of late night HBO or USA Up-All-Nite.

Seriously this is one of the worst movies ever and yet it is entertaining in a way I can hardly describe. First: The Title. A movie titled "Ninja Cheerleaders" is just a "gotto see this movie" to me. Anyway - the story is incredibly stupid (cheerleader strippers fight to get back the strip club of their ninja master against Michael pare - and to top it, they have to win a strip contest to get money for college....ha ha ha ha). This is a great setting for a really funny but stupid film, but the camera work, the directing work, the music, the actors - everything is just so bad. It is so badly made, it is sometimes hard to watch. But the girls are cute, they are brutal, they beat up everything they can - and then their is Captain Sulu as the master and Michael Pare. I want to like this film - if it was better edited and directed, it be a classic trash one - like this, it is just a film for men, who wanna see babes beat up guys.

OK i don't know exactly what i was expecting going into this......wait no thats a lie i knew exactly what i was expecting when going into this i was expecting to see hot chicks kick butt and i probably had hope for some nudity and i also thought that with the title being "Ninja cheerleaders" i thought that there would at least be some cheesy laughs provided none of which was delivered the lead characters they casted never got past their skivvy's they completely sucked at any type of imitation martial arts and the writing in this film annoyed me i wont even go into detail but its bad and for the cheese factor although it was cheesy it never achieved one laugh i was too busy being mad that the chicks weren't gonna get nakie and im sorry Mr director man the random nude scenes between scenes will just not cut it my rating is 3stars only cause although they chicks weren't great in this film they were very sexy and charming so i gave them each a star and really it doesn't deserve that. some people might get a laugh at it watch and judge yourself

Are there better B-movies on the market? Yeah, I think so.

The title did NOT lead me to expect a Showgirls movie budget. Should George Takei, Larry Poindexter, and Michael Pare have held out for better roles? Maybe, maybe not. I didn't buy this movie based on their names, or the names of the girls ( frankly, I'd never heard the girls names ), but they ARE pretty.

This is a B-movie, with B-movie values, and pretty girls with topless scenes ( not enough, but then there rarely are ). It kinda sorta had a plot, with few twists you really couldn't see coming.

It is a fun movie. It's not Showgirls; it wasn't meant to be.