Dark Rising: Bring Your Battle Axe

This movie kept me up one night not because it was scary but because it fell into that category of movie that is so bad in that way that you can't tear yourself away. Cheesy is the word. Bare bones plot, bad FX, guys and girls on a camping trip, skin shots and some gratuitous sex(that means it has nothing to do with the plot, just there because it's sex) and, because it's the 2000's and not the 70's said sex is between girls. They make many more like this they are going to have to start building drive-ins again.

The plot isn't difficult to follow being on the thin side not to mention one doesn't know if it is supposed to be horror or comedy. Father accidentally opens portal to other dimension. Daughter gets sucked in and is converted to be a demon fighter. 20 years later guy having problems with letting go former girlfriend organizes camping trip with former gf and friends. Would be witch recites the portal again and little girl, now all grown up, springs through, followed by a demon who starts killing the friends. Standard horror plot though there is a bit of a twist on the guy gets girl usual ending. It's so bad it's good though no who, why or wherefore is given as to why this girl is kidnapped and trained as a demon fighter other than the fact that there is a demon. Also the training scenes are so disjointed and quick cut that one might not figure out what the hell is going on.

Citizen Kane it ain't but for good, cheesy can't stop watching, it more than fits the bill.

As a girl, Summer Vale witnesses her father attacked by dark forces. She is taken by those dark forces into a brutal S&M existence. Jason Parks is organizing a trip with brutish friend Ricky. Marlene brings along his ex Jasmine as her lesbian partner. Renee uses her natural skills, a magic book, and a special place to call upon Summer Vale.

This is straight up B-movie territory. It's better than most but it's still bad. The dialogue is clunky and cheesy. It's not quite bad enough to be funny. Jason's jokey tones do not work. The lead is a bad actor. Why would Summer's childhood home still exist in pristine condition after 20 years? The demon design is a mess. The acting is mostly B-level. It is curiously watchable but lacks any goodness.

This film has a very simple but somehow very bad plot. The entire movie is about a girl getting sucked through a gate to another dimension then years later it gets opened again by a witch while a group of friends (including the lead actor who is having trouble getting over his ex girlfriend who is one of the other campers along with her new partner... another girl... that's right they're lesbians and there is some nudity of course for no particular reason). Unfortunately demon follows the now adult girl back through. Also unfortunately, none of this is ever explained. Where exactly were they? Where did the demon come from? How did she survive as a child in a place full of evil demons? Who the hell trained her and made her a gladiator type outfit? The acting is terrible I think but it's hard to tell because the writing is so bad maybe there was just nothing they could do with it. I give it a three because the wrestler was pretty good and the effects were pretty fun even though they were very cheap. I would not recommend it, it wasn't quite bad enough to be funny.

If you are looking to watch an action packed blockbuster movie, stop reading and move along. If you are looking for a good old fashioned solid 'B' movie, this is it. It's not on the same level as say Sam Raimi's classic "Army Of Darkness, show casing the chiseled chin and the witty quips of Bruce Campbell.

Yet this movie is the best recent attempt to bring back the campiness that 'B' movies used to offer to the world. Unlike lack luster blockbuster movies this movie is not eye candy, it's brain candy, which Roger Corman has proved time and time again that a movie trying to be serious can be seriously funny if it's made the right way.

There is no real story in this movie, no real explanation of what happened, where it happened, and why it happened. What there is a great gaggle of eclectic characters. Some typical flashing of skin, and splashing of blood. That is all that matters to this kind of movie.

Plus the appearance of Canadian wrestler "Christian Cage" in a role that would make Bruce Campbell throw up a little in his mouth with pride, was a refreshing surprise, along with the double threat talent of brains and beauty in co-star and producer the stunning, and we need to see more of, Brigitte Kingsley.

If you want to feed your brain some mush, this is a movie for you.

This movie is lame and not funny at all. The plot doesn't even make sense. Some scientist who works on the fringes of science opens a doorway to another dimension (maybe hell???) and his daughter gets sucked through it or something, then one day for no apparent reason she comes back and now she has big breasts and wears a skimpy outfit (I guess the demons in the other dimension made it for her?) The main character is a guy who wants to marry his girlfriend but she is gay so obviously she's more interested in her new girlfriend, and they stumble upon this witch spell book (they want to be witches or something???) and the evil spell ends up getting read again which is how the evil demon comes to earth which only the bikini top girl and the spurned guy in love can stop apparently. There is topless scenes for no reason and a guy in it who my boyfriend says is a well known wrestler but his part is completely unnecessary, obviously they made something up just to put him in it because then maybe wrestling fans will actually watch this pointless movie. I'm sure the topless girls doesn't hurt there either. The extra features on the DVD were even more confusing than the rest of the movie, I thought it might help explain what was going on but it actually just made things more confusing. Who are these people and what are they doing? Basically this is a go-camping-to-make-out-then-fight-a-monster movie but there are a bunch of things (like the other dimension and book seller) than make it confusing. I didn't like the movie but it was only like five bucks so big deal. I don't recommend watching it though it was just too stupid, I can't think of any part of the movie that was good.