The Ten

Greetings again from the darkness. If you are familiar with "Wet Hot American Summer", Stella Shorts and MTV's "The State", you will have some idea what director David Wain has in store for you. Still, given the talent involved, I was amazed at the lack of creativity involved in most of the 10 vignettes loosely based on the Ten Commandments.

Even the best ideas fall flat and leave us with only a couple of chuckles. Adam Brody being implanted in the ground after a skydive, Winona Ryder shacking up with a wooden marionette, a doctor's goof that leads to his prison "romances", twin brothers learning of their odd gene pool while embracing Oliver Platt's Ah-nuld impersonation, a perky Jessica Alba, Liev Schreiber's attempts to keep up with the Jones', and Justin Theroux as Jesus H. Christ all had potential for true insight into human nature. Instead we are force fed a few quick hits in the "Reno 911" mold.

The ongoing between commandment scenes with Paul Rudd and Famke Jansson could have been classic, and a few scenes with Gretchen Mol will usually save a film. I appreciate the concept but am saddened by the result.

There's a cartoon rhino in this film who lays big stinkin turds everywhere. That's a good description of this movie.

There was an Exodus from the theater starting about halfway through.

It's just a loose collection of sketches that have original concepts -- but like an SNL sketch, they just keep pounding the same joke in over and over into boredom.

Forget about the Ten Commandments -- it's really not about them or religion -- or anything much. There's no satire even.

If you think "oh I love dirty comedies" -- you'll be disappointed. There's no naked breasts. Just a lot of fairly unattractive naked men and endless ass-raping mentions.

I like "dirty and brilliant", but "dirty and lame" is a sin against comedy.

Meaning this movie would get about a two.

I saw this at a matinée in a West Hollywood theater. There were maybe two dozen other people in the theater. One guy laughed. At everything. I think he even snickered at the stone tablets. Other than that, mostly dead silence throughout the entire movie.

The film simply wasn't funny and in some cases, it was virtually offensive. Making a joke out of anal rape isn't easy, as the movie makers proved here. The question is, why did they try? When is rape a suitable topic for comedy? Of course, maybe I am being closed minded and what we really need to do is take the stigma off rape.

The movie makers here seem to think they're some modern incarnation of Mel Brooks or Woody Allen with their abilities to satirize human foibles. Sorry, but they just don't measure up.

Great cast, but it was all sizzle and no steak, meaning most of them had little to do except trade on their celebrity. "Look at me, I'm a big star, but I can get silly in some quirky little movie."

The whole thing had "acting class exercise" written all over it,

(Mild Spoilers)

Okay, David Wain's "The Ten" isn't attempting to redefine the genre of sketch comedy or satire, nor does it pass judgement on the religious iconography it uses as a template. It merely cheekily plays with the idea of the commandments in a smutty and more often than not, unique way. What I think the strongest part of this film is, is its pre-occupation with the perverse and how one can play that out on screen. The repetition of the Spanish word for vagina, Winona Ryder's hysterical relationship with that dummy, Oliver Platt's "Arnie" impression, Liev Schreiber's cat scan machines and the untimely death of hundreds of children, are all irreverent and interesting approaches to the lessons or moral codes of the ten commandments. Whilst some are better executed than others, I particularly appreciated the astute connection between the "Adultery" segment and Woody Allen's films. The use of the stamp jazz soundtrack as the camera moves down a busy New York street, the inclusion of Dianne Weist as a needy wife, and the self-indulgence of our two infidels all really hit the mark. Even their dialogue seems to be mocking Allen's neurotic adulterous characters. Which, as a Woody Allen fan, I really got into.

If for anything else, one should give "The Ten" a go for its wonderful utilisation of well- known actors for comedy. They seem to really be holding absolutely nothing back, and that is actually a thrilling experience to watch. Particularly the work of Winona Ryder, whose drive off into the sunset with no hands on her steering wheel, crying and laughing like a lunatic whilst sitting next to her lover, a wooden dummy, got me so giggly I couldn't breathe.

If The Ten, directed by David Wain who helmed Wet Hot American Summer, prior to release had been shipped back to the editing room, hacked to pieces, and renamed "The Three and some random skits from the Other Seven", I may be giving this film a positive review. Unfortunately, it is not as such and thusly we are forced to sit through a number of flat and unfunny parodies that are about the quality of a rejected Mad TV gag. At times the skits careen so wildly of course from the commandments message they are referencing, it becomes inane and incoherent. Let me just say that any movie that achieves in making Paul Rudd unfunny, is dead on arrival.

But, as I indicated above, The Ten is not totally devoid of merit, as there were a few short stories that were actually quite hilarious. These shorts could easily have been helmed by Will Ferrell, just to give you an idea of the style of comedy employed. The Ten even has a simplistically ingenious premise, spinning and warping the messages of the Ten Commandments to the extreme, which results in a sometimes quirky and sometimes disastrous experience. Starring Winona Ryder, who, to give you a clue at the average quality of the material is the love interest of a ventriloquist dummy, Adam Brody, Liev Schreiber, Jessica Alba, Ken Marino, Famke Janssen and others who appear in multiple skits in reoccurring roles. Paul Rudd narrates the interludes between stories, and as I mentioned before, he is given nothing to work with. After being so constantly brilliant in The 40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up and even in Friends, it is depressing to view him so lifeless. These intermissions drag so long at times that I simply wanted him to shut up, which is something I have never had the inclination to direct at such a comedic talent in the past.

The stories that succeed the most are those that reference the commandments, thou shall not take the lords name in vain, you shall not bear false witness against your neighbour, thou shall not kill and thou shall not covet thy neighbor's wife. (Which is the conclusion of thou shall not kill) My favourite being the middle former, which constitutes Liev Schreiber competing against his neighbour to collect the most CAT scan machines, and destroying his family in the process. The double part vignette that I enjoyed features Ken Marino as a doctor who leaves a pair of scissors inside a patient as "a goof" and is subsequently sentenced to life in prison; this is thou shall not kill. The second part, is very funny, and constitutes Marino's character coveting his neighbour in prison, longing to be their bitch, instead of that of his current cellmate. If more of the stories had been like this, The Ten could have ended up wildly successful. The stories (or parts of stories) that succeed are those that are clear representations of the source, which follows the golden rule of shows like the Simpson's, in that such a show gets funnier the older the viewer, as more of the satire is familiar.

The ending is just as terrible as the Rudd interludes, which seems to resemble a regurgitated re-imagining of the finale of the 40 Year Old Virgin with the cast erupting in song. It is as if Rudd approached Wain and said that this approach had worked so well in his previous films that they may as well attempt it again. I can't hep but think this could have been successful if it had stayed in a sketch comedy show, but The Ten has no substance for a full length feature. I think they should have preformed one more, lesser known commandment, reading: thou shall not subject thyself to said torment in thy quest for merriment.

View all my reviews at Simon Says Movie Reviews: www.simonsaysmovies.blogspot.com