Slaughtered Vomit Dolls

This movie does not belong to any genre of films, it shouldn't even be CALLED a movie. It is a one hour and ten minutes long video of people getting slaughtered in extremely gross ways, and people continuously vomiting on each other. The one thing this movie for sure is, is a huge waste of time. Don't ever bother watching it.

For a movie titled "Slaughtered Vomit Dolls" (and what exactly is a 'vomit doll' anyway?) and with an IMDb synopsis which reads: "The gruesome tapestry of psychological manifestations of a nineteen year old bulimic runaway stripper-turned prostitute as she descends into a hellish pit of satanic nightmares and hallucinations", Lucifer Valentine's 2006 opus "Slaughtered Vomit Dolls" is exceptionally dull. When it's not boring you "Slaughtered Vomit Dolls" seems especially keen on slaughtering your brain cells with its never before reached level of stupidity.

Hey, we all like a good dumb movie. "Lifeforce". "Plan 9". "Manos". "Hobgoblins". But those were funny. They were amusingly bad. Sometimes they became awfully boring, but you sat there amazed at how bad they were. Then you come to "Slaughtered Vomit Dolls", which reaches an unprecedented level of idiocy. There is absolutely not even an attempt at basic competence in the film-making or writing or acting. Any effort made on the film went into the gore effects, which, while reasonably well-done, we are unable to focus on due to Valentine's apparent attempt to violate every basic law of film-making. It's like watching a bad parody of a Nine Inch Nails video for 70 minutes.

The acting talent including Pig Lizzy, Princess Pam, and Miss Pussy Pants do an admirable job at vomiting and being slaughtered, as well as being dolls, although you can smell their teeth rotting from all the meth just by watching the movie. The male talent do a spectacular job at vomiting and slaughtering as well.

Overall this might just be truly the worst film of all time. "Ben and Arthur" would have to be significantly worse than I expect it to be to claim the title.

What the hell was that mess I just watched??? Well, apparently it was meant to be the sickest, scariest, most disturbing thing ever made. Well, Slaughtered Vomit Dolls is far from any of those, in fact, it was merely a pathetic attempt to shock using vomit-gore. And there wasn't even that much of it, it was mainly some random nudity and a girl talking about her feelings. It was poorly edited, it had no plot whatsoever, the music was appalling and for some reason the director slowed down the voices. That was just irritating.

The gore was fairly well done with some sick effects (including a detailed face-stabbing/eye removal scene) but some were spoiled by ludicrous events. Eg. a girl gets her arm sawed off then she is handed a guitar (WTF????!!!!!????!!!). Really dumb and unintentionally funny. The vomit scenes were fairly nauseating but they were all just them sticking their hands down their throats.

Please, don't waste your life on this movie, it was pointless and boring as *beep*. Just a pathetic attempt to be shocking.

0/5.

This resoundingly awful film is like spending an hour and ten minutes watching a bad music video. Much like the worst film ever made, The Blair Witch Project, silly-named director Lucifer Valentine attempts to use overly mobile camera angles to hide the fact that there's actually nothing going on in this film. Slaughtered Vomit Dolls plays out almost like a silent movie, as there is very little dialogue and the plot moves through just what we see on screen. But any thoughts of this being a credible art film are quickly vanquished when it turns out that all the film is, is a collection of scenes showing people vomiting blood. The plot has something to do with a young whore suffering from bulimia, but it's not analysed at all and while the film might think it's something like Roman Polanski's Repulsion, it certainly isn't. Apparently, this film was banned from a bunch of horror festivals for being too graphic (or something), but if I was choosing films for a horror festival, I'd have banned it for being too boring. Really, this film is a bad joke and I honestly don't see how anyone could find it disturbing. There's nothing left to say except don't waste your time…if you want to see an overly gory modern film, see Murder-Set-Pieces instead. Said film might not be great either, but it's Citizen Kane compared to this.

The best thing about Lucifer Valentine's Slaughtered Vomit Dolls is its lurid title.

Devoid of a coherent narrative and lacking technical merit of any sort, this 'movie' succeeded only in making me feel slightly queasy, thanks to endless shots of degenerate low-lifes making themselves puke. Since I've always found the sight of people yarfing up their lunch rather off-putting, that really is no great achievement.

Valentine's cast are a skeezy bunch of strippers, whores and losers who prattle on to the camera about who-knows-what, only stopping in order to lose their lunch onto glass top coffee tables, into toilet bowls, and, in one scene, into a person's skull cavity (after they have had their cranium removed and their brains eaten). To a lover of extreme film-making, this might sound like an unmissable treat; but don't be fooled—it isn't.

I am unsure as to whether this movie is supposed to be art, exploitation, or something else entirely, but the one thing I am sure about is that it is complete and utter rubbish. I guess the gore (which includes a prolonged scene of eyeball fondling) might've made the whole thing just about bearable, if the dodgy camera-work and bad editing hadn't made it so difficult to see what was happening.

Add to the lousy visuals a headache-inducing cacophonous soundtrack, and the result is an incomprehensible mess that has found a small (and, judging by the comments on IMDb, mostly disappointed) audience only by appealing to their sense of morbid curiosity.