Scary Movie 5

The era of spoof and parody is dead.

Let me start off by saying that I knew this film was going to be horrible from the start. I had read reviews and knew it was bad, but being so infatuated with film and theater, I actually wanted to see the movie to diagnose exactly what made it so horrible. (Insult me if you must, but I have a lot of free time on my hands and I love all kinds of movies.)

I'm not gonna lie, I went into the theater with the hope that on some slight chance, I would enjoy the film. Wrong. The movie was so boring and tasteless that I was actually distracted with my phone for some parts during the film, which is of the utmost rarity for me.

The horrible acting and line delivery dried this film out so much that I don't know where to begin. Ashley Tisdale was definitely not as good as Anna Faris was, and obviously, everyone will compare the two. I hate to admit it, but Mac Miller, Snoop Dogg, and Katt Williams all could have made audiences laugh with the material they were given, but were just too dry.

Admittedly, there were some very rare parts of the movie that had a somewhat witty humor to it, but it was only once or twice, and weak at that. The rest of the stupid slapstick humor was just so lame and dragging. Slapstick humor should stay within the PG level of humor for the kids.

On that note, the movie had overly crude, and just STUPID sexual humor that was just stupid and weak. Even hard R teenage sex comedies are more sophisticated than this. I laughed maybe one time, and it wasn't even a laugh. I kinda exhaled sharply while smiling.

Overall, there was almost no sophisticated or witty humor, horrid acting, and it was all just plain bad. So yes, the reviews are correct, it was horrible. The only reason I give it a 3 instead of a 1 was because hundreds and hundreds of people put months and months of work into an 85 minute piece of what they thought was art, and giving a movie a 1 or maybe a 2 is too disrespectful to the art that is film. (But then again, this movie is pretty disrespectful to the art that is film as well.)

I love parody movies, and have seen and have in my possession quite a few, especially those that feature the late and fantastic Leslie Neilson, including the previous Scary Movies. The previous 4 are great, they're funny and you can actually have a good time watching them. Laughs aplenty. This one... not so much. It had it's moments, but other than that it was just a ho-hum type movie. Didn't have the engaging action and comedy that you're used to from the previous films, and just didn't really do anything for me. I like Charlie Sheen as an actor, and he's can play some funny parts, and this was no exception, but then it kind of dwindled after that. I think it's because the previous cast were not there. I think that if all the previous actors were included, it would have been a great movie.

They through a lot of parodies at you in this fifth installment, and there where only 3 or 4 times that I laughed, but for the most part I'm just staring at the screen and wondering how is this funny. It seems that the filmmakers are trying to too hard to be funny, and the more they are trying they fail completely failed. But I can see the parts where they where not trying so hard, are probably the parts that i was laughing.

Ashley Tisdale who I don't doubt is a very talented actress, but is incredibly bland here, nothing she does just does not jump out at you. Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan are pretty good spoofing themselves, but lets face they are already become parodies of themselves at this point. Simon Rex is alright, but really he is just there also. Not as bad has Movie 43, but still not as funny has it tried to be, but still good for a few chuckles.

Take a group of bored actors with nothing in the works, mix in a large number of crew meandering around the Hollywood Hills looking for work, add a 120 pages of random meaningless dialogue (found in a discarded waste bucket next to a photocopier) finally stir it all up and hang around studio parking lots or known eateries of studio big wigs and financiers, ply them with drink and voilà you have this.

A complete waste of time, dull, predictable and as funny as the toothache that kept me up and out watching it (a wisdom tooth), in their defence we (and those behind them) know Sharknado, Megashark etc. are always going to be laughable, the only laughable part of this was how someone, somewhere managed to get it made.

For 1/100,000th of the cost of this the guys behind Birdemic could have bought a second mic that worked and a pair of decent headphones and almost, just almost not have been above this as the worst movie I have seen this year.

It's fair to say that it is the worst of the series, it's let down by some really awful scenes, and some dire performances, but, it still has some of the old magic, and a few times I did find myself laughing. The scene between Sheen and Lohan was perhaps the worst thing I have ever seen, it was appalling, almost like an attempt to replicate the Pamela Anderson scene, but it was just terrible. The Black Swan scenes were lots of fun, and nicely produced, they felt at odds with lots of the film.

Is it the case that people's humour has changed since the early films, or were the jokes simply not funny? Personally I think it's the latter, in fairness though it isn't as if there were great horror movies to parody.

It's poor, but will still give the odd chuckle. 5/10