- Jackie Hoffman: Let me understand. I continue to be the only person who actually listens to your outrageous stories.
- Mrs. Bleckner: You're a storyteller, Thomas. Do you know what storytellers do?
- Thomas Miller: They tell stories?
- Mrs. Bleckner: No. They tell...yes, they tell stories.
- Thomas Miller: And that, Mrs. Bleckner, is why I don't have the formula on your desk. So very, very sorry.
- Mrs. Bleckner: Let's try this one more time, shall we? Your math homework, Mr. Miller. And please refrain from patronizing me with "my dog ate it" or "my grandmother passed away".
- Thomas Miller: Actually, you see, it's sort of a combination thing. The truth is, my grandmother was helping me with my homework. Bless her soul. Then my dog pounced on the kitchen table and ate her. Yep! That's why I don't have my homework. My dog ate my grandmother.
- Thomas Miller: I'd like to say something in my defense.
- [turns to Jackie]
- Jackie Hoffman: Don't speak.
- Thomas Miller: But she...
- Jackie Hoffman: Shh!
- Thomas Miller: [Thomas has just knocked Mr. Randall off a ladder] Oops, sorry.
- Mr. Randall: [groaning] "Oops, sorry"?
- Drake Chapman: What's going on Mildred?
- Thomas Miller: Hello Drake. So what's it going to be today? Stuff me in a locker? Shake me down for loose change? Hey, you know what's always fun? Hanging me from the flagpole by my underwear? People laugh, they cry, they go home happy. Always a real crowd pleaser.
- Jackie Hoffman: Why are you giving him ideas?
- Thomas Miller: Because he is too dumb to come up with them on his own.
- Drake Chapman: Did you just call me dumb?
- Jackie Hoffman: [Thomas and Jackie make their way on hands and knees through the school ceilings. Jackie's tux is covered in dirt] Great. And I had to wear white.
- Thomas Miller: Since when do you care about that sort of thing?
- Jackie Hoffman: Hey, I'm still a girl.
- Thomas Miller: [as Jackie is walking up with her white tux] Nice look, Hoffman.
- Jackie Hoffman: Really?
- Thomas Miller: Yeah.
- Jackie Hoffman: [smiles brightly] Thanks.
- Jackie Hoffman: So how does one go about saving one's life and no one really believes you?
- Thomas Miller: I have no idea.
- Jackie Hoffman: No weapons? Special gadgets? Secret powers? No ideas? This could be quite a challenge.
- Thomas Miller: I like challenges.
- Thomas Miller: [Jackie is sitting on a bench, Thomas comes up to her] Hey.
- Jackie Hoffman: Hey.
- [looks around]
- Jackie Hoffman: So where's Madison?
- Thomas Miller: I dropped her off at home.
- Jackie Hoffman: [without enthusiasm] Great.
- Thomas Miller: Anyway, she told me there's another dance tomorrow, and...
- Jackie Hoffman: You were going to tell me that you're taking her?
- Thomas Miller: No. Actually, if it's not too late, I wanted to ask you if you wanted to come with me.
- Jackie Hoffman: [looks pleasantly surprised] I don't get it. What about "the girl"?
- Thomas Miller: [grinning] She's right here.
- Thomas Miller: [approaching Jackie] Hoffman! Jackie!
- Jackie Hoffman: [Jackie looks up then looks away]
- Thomas Miller: [sitting down with her] Listen. Someone's going to try to hurt the president's daughter. I think I know who it is. Randall, the new guy. You've gotta believe me!
- Jackie Hoffman: [turns toward him] Why should I?
- Thomas Miller: You're my best friend, Jackie. You always tell your best friend the truth.
- Jackie Hoffman: [after a pause] So why Madison Kramer? Huh, best friend? Why are you like obsessed with this random girl? Who you know nothing about?
- Thomas Miller: I kinda like the way she... how she talks.
- Jackie Hoffman: [adopting a fake British accent] Is that it, Thomas? Do you like the way I speak?
- Thomas Miller: Jackie!
- Jackie Hoffman: Do you find me charming, Thomas? Do you?
- Thomas Miller: Jackie, stop it! Look, I have no idea why Madison Kramer. The only thing I can think of is maybe it is predetermined.
- Jackie Hoffman: [quietly in her normal voice] Yeah.
- Thomas Miller: And one more thing. I just wanted to say sorry for every time I've hurt you and I wanted to say sorry in advance for every time I might hurt you.
- Jackie Hoffman: You plan on hurting me again?
- Thomas Miller: I would never plan on it.
- Jackie Hoffman: [after another pause] So say this whole president's daughter thing is, like, true. What now?
- Thomas Miller: I go to the dance and I save a life.
- Jackie Hoffman: And what do you want from me?
- Thomas Miller: Jackie, you're the one person in the world who I know always has my back.
- Jackie Hoffman: The only person who knows if you're telling the truth.
- Thomas Miller: Pretty much, yeah.
- Jackie Hoffman: Just close your eyes.
- Thomas Miller: No!
- Jackie Hoffman: Close your eyes or I'll throw you off this roof and I am talking on the driveway, not the grass!
- Thomas Miller: [before closing eyes] Now I'm spooked.
- Jackie Hoffman: [leaning forward to kiss him] For the first time, so am I.
- Thomas Miller: I need to explore all my options.
- Jackie Hoffman: I'm your only option. Look around. I don't see any lineup here.
- Thomas Miller: Madison Kramer.
- [camera cuts to Madison as they look over to where she is, and then back]
- Jackie Hoffman: [incredulously] Madison Kramer?
- Thomas Miller: It could happen.
- Jackie Hoffman: Hold on, my phone's ringing.
- [makes pretend phone with her hand]
- Jackie Hoffman: Hello? Oh yeah, hold on, he's right here.
- [shows "phone" to Thomas]
- Jackie Hoffman: It's for you. It's Planet Earth. They'd like to know when you're coming back.
- Jackie Hoffman: Do you ever feel like life's random or just predetermined?
- Thomas Miller: I have no clue.
- Jackie Hoffman: Like, no matter what effort we make to be accepted, we'll still just end up on the roof, feeling like a couple of losers?
- Thomas Miller: Yeah, you know, the whole popularity thing never made much sense to me. I mean, what makes a kid popular in the first place?
- Jackie Hoffman: You're asking the wrong person.
- Mrs. Bleckner: [Opens the door to the storage room finding Randal inside bound and gagged; gasps out of shock] What?
- Mr. Randall: [shouts through his gag at Mrs. Bleckner presumably for help] Mmmmpppphhh! Mmmmppphh!
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