Pirates

I for one, loved this porn. Maybe not worth 70$ but if you can find it cheaper, more power to you. A lot of people are saying, wow, the acting was so bad, they need to make it more like a period piece if they want to do this right, I say, accept it for what it is... PORN! I accepted it and LOVED it. It didn't matter that the girls have tattoos, or say slang. Did it get me hot? yes! It's porn first, a movie second, and that is the point. It's not so you can sit back and go. "Hmmm, that movie really reflected the time period really well" No, it's to get you worked up*which it does!*, or to have a good time with your friends. The acting was horrible (but what can you expect, again its PORN!) I watched this with a friend and we were both laughing the whole time. What can you expect with the bad acting and cheesy lines? As a movie, yeah it kinda stinks, but as a porn (which it was meant to be) it rocked.

-also a skeleton sex scene would have been awesome.

This summer I've been working at an adult film store as a clerk and I must say we can't keep this movie on the shelf. People who mention the bad acting must have never seen a porn in their lives. With the weakest (acting) performance given by Jesse Jane, Evan Stone's character was spot on. I recommend this movie to everyone who hasn't seen it, and again to those that have. Having a background in digital animation I was surprised to see how well compositing was done. Great special effects especially considering the target market. The hardest part to get used to was watching the sex scenes accompanied by a full music score. Two thumbs (and a candlestick) way up!

I'm not writing this to tell the story, but in a few words, there is actually a storyline in this movie. And a good one, not like those movies Private releases. To be completely honest, if they removed every porn action in this movie (like they seem to have done in the R-rated version), this would still be very watchable, even if the sex was completely removed. There is good humor, a good story, some pretty good special effects (considering the budget for the movie was 1 million dollars and that is porn). Did you know that these actors could actually act? Of course, it would not be the best movie ever, but since this is porn, I can say that it is the best porn movie ever done. My girlfriend enjoyed it as much as I did, and she does not usually enjoy porn. Great movie for couples.

The only bad thing about it: the fake breasts. I do not think there is ONE girl with natural breasts. So go rent it or buy it (the DVD set comes with three discs: movie, movie high definition and Extras), it will not let you down.

Its a pirate porn movie thats actually plays as a decent little movie.

Sue me I liked this film. I'm not sure I liked it because its better than most adult films or because its a good movie in its own right. Certainly the fact the film can have 40 minutes of sex removed and have it survive says a great deal(The full version runs over two hours). Better than many soft-core trash films that play late night on cable this is actually a movie I'd want to see again.

The plot has something to do with a pirate captain wanting to get a magical Incan scepter that will give him great power to this end he kidnaps a recently married man who holds the key to the hereabouts of the scepter and throws the wife overboard. He is pursued by some pirate hunters who pick up the wife and remain close on the heels of the villains.

What can I say the acting is wildly uneven, but the cast is still game. The effects are uneven, but serviceable (and provide a great homage/spoof with a marvelous riff on the skeleton scene in Jason and the Argonauts). The script is actually reasonably good and properly silly (though with some of the cast anything beyond silly might have been a stretch). I'm guessing in mainstream hands this might have been a successful pirate action film.

My only real complaint is that all of the main women look about the same, large breasted blonds of similar stature and builds. They all pretty much blend together. Its an odd thing to do when the film tries very hard to be something other than a stereotypical adult film.

If you're tired of the typical late night fare you find on many pay cable stations give this film a try. You will laugh with and at the movie, especially if you keep in mind the fact that its source is an adult film.

I love film, I really do. It fascinates me to see, literally see what works.

Porn baffles me, because it is so popular. Oh, there's porn films from the 70s that really impress, some of them. And you'll often stumble across really intelligent films made by folks with clever ideas that could only get funded if there is panting and jizz in them.

But the modern stuff is just plain boring, visually and every other way. The only porn film I've seen in the modern era that impressed me was "Fashionistas" and that really did. It was actually a movie (a good one) and porn (S&M) where the two blended well. So I anticipated this with some rather high expectations.

And I was partly rewarded. The writing is very clever, with some great lines. One actor alone in this (Evan Stone) is good, but he is very good, on the level of the pros in theater films. With a little bit of attention, this could have been a good movie and maybe even a hit.

The blonds (all blonds!) all looked and acted the same, having gotten their boobs at the same store. Ho hum. Seen one saucersized aureole, you seen em all.

But here's the thing. Porn movies like this follow the model of movie musicals (based on stage musicals). That's where the story chugs along until hitting a tripwire. Then reality shifts and you enter a song, which may have some relationship to the story or not. But the main point is reality shifts. Then it shifts back and the people on the street stop being a chorus and again become passers by.

Same with porn like this. The story chugs along until it is time for sex. But this isn't sex between people. It isn't real sex at all, instead a sort of performance, a display put on for the audience like a song. The same sorts of limits apply, even the same time periods. There's a standard vocabulary: this and then this and then that. Only in this case, the sex has nothing much to do with the story; the story is presumably something to entertain you in between titillations.

Oh well. Give Even his due. He acts, and it even carries over to what he does with his member. I wish him well.

Ted's Evaluation -- 1 of 3: You can find something better to do with this part of your life.