Candy Stripers

Firstly, let us state that we were promised strong, if not gratuitous, sex scenes. We were sorely disappointed. We got mediocre breasticle action - if that - from women who should, by definition, be professional hookers.

Secondly, we call attention to the anomaly of the blonde cheerleader's unusually erect nipples - particularly watch out for those babies in the second half of the film...They practically wink at you from her green halter-neck.

Thirdly, what is Naomi Campbell doing trying to act?

A fourth point is that the orange blood used in many killings isn't fooling anyone.

Finally, this movie is built on the flimsy premise that hospital staff go around snogging patients on their death beds simply because they ask for a kiss. Had they been able to control their urges, this movie would never have come to fruition - and we'd all be better for it.

P.S. Tell the fat matron to find another day job!

To start off with i'm not a huge fan of these types of horror movies so it didn't have a huge appeal from the start. It was however a decent movie to watch if you like these body invading types of movies. I do feel that they could have figured out a better way to make the "alien" moves from body to body. I'm assuming they were trying to go as disgusting as possible. Some of the scenes in the film didn't make a whole lot of sense. You have to basically overlook the huge gaps in the storyline if you want to enjoy it. If of course your interested in watching a movie containing 90% "hot" women bearing their breasts then this is the movie for you, it does not lack in that department. I however am not one to look for that in a film so it held no appeal for me in that regard, so I had to stick with the sketchy storyline. Overall it was worth watching if your a hard core horror movie watcher, but certainly not a top pick when you have a selection of horror movies to choose from.

Candy Stripers is just plain horrible, and not in a scary way, even by B-movie or Z-movie standards. In case you were curious, the title refers to the female hospital volunteers in the US that wore white uniforms with red stripes. With a title like that, you would expect some stripping and nudity, there's not much of it here on display except a couple of quick breast shots, nothing really past the half-way point. It feels and plays like a cheap TV show with an extremely low budget, kind of a B-movie Goosebumps for teens. It takes place mostly in a hospital slowly being "overrun" by sexually aggressive women possessed by slugs. I actually make it sound better than it is.

The writing is lame, the dialogue is cliché, and it doesn't even have those wonderfully corny one-liners you usually get in that type of movie. The acting is laughable and doesn't even reach TV soap quality, which would have been nice here actually. Worse, you have 2 of the main guys, supposedly teenagers, that are balding. The special effects are pathetic, and not even funny pathetic, just cheap-looking and bad (especially the distortion CGI effect when the "creatures" die). The suspense and enjoyment are non-existent, and the movie felt twice as long as it actually is. And this is from someone who usually enjoys those kind of movies as long as there's some cleverness, enthusiasm and talent behind it. This review is already too long for such a piece of manure. Don't get suckered by the cover art. Don't expect good titillation, gore or fun. Don't pay for it, don't even watch it for free. If you already did, then you now understand what I meant. You want something good in the same vein, rent Lesbian Vampire Killers instead.

You can derive a whole lot from a movie's title as well as from the image displayed on the DVD-cover. If you're going to complain about how terrible, amateurish and stupid THIS particular movie is, perhaps you should have thought about that before, for example when choosing to watch a movie that is called "Candy Stripers" and that cheerfully depicts three sexy nurses with half-rotten faces licking lollipops on the cover. Obviously this is a pretty insignificant and quite retarded B-movie, but it's undeniably entertaining and at least it respects the good old principle of the three B's. Blood, boobs and beast! There's enough blood & gore to fill a couple of buckets, boobs of the sexiest type of women (=nurses) and beast because the yummy girls are in fact malicious aliens. Slimy alien creatures invade a small American town's hospital. What exactly their purpose is or why specifically they chose this offbeat location is apparently of no importance whatsoever. They exclusively prefer to use the bodies of attractive young candy striper nurses as hosts (hey, who can blame them?), force them to feed on sugary treats and transform them into even hotter & sexier man-eaters. The girls then subsequently seduce the men in the hospital and unleash throbbing monster before the horny victims can unleash theirs. Among the endangered remaining humans trying to escape the hospital are a clique of teenage basketball players and their cheerleader girlfriends. Personally, I look at "Candy Stripers" as a cheesy and amusingly inept homage to silly B-movies of the 80's. The main characters are all stereotypes, the script is incoherent as can be, the candy stripers are purely cast on their looks and may elements in the story don't make the least bit of sense. The hospital, for example, had issues long before the aliens ever took over the place. The doctors were already sexist men that drink Schnapps during their shifts and the nursing staff has meetings about the outbreak of deadly viruses in the middle of the hall where patients and visitors can hear them. The teenage protagonists are all insufferable and you hope for them to die quick and painfully. Especially the main cheerleader is a true caricature. Nobody can be that vain and shallow! The concept of "Candy Stripes" has a lot in common with another recently released horror/comedy called "Decoys". Both films are recommended, albeit very forgettable.

I actually thought it was two "p"s in the title and it would've been like the Strippers vs. Zombies comedy thing. And while it's about nurses (well the title that is), it does try to delve into the horror comedy territory that I thought it would. It does also contain a lot of nudity if that is anything that helps you enjoy a movie.

Acting wise there are a lot of issues at hand. The viewer knows always what the movie or the actors are trying to communicate, even though they fail many times at actually delivering convincingly. It's also very predictable to say the least. But it can be a fun movie for teenagers, if they haven't seen this a 100 times before already (not talking about the nudity in this case) ...