Absolute Zero

One would think the timely subject of global warming and climate change would offer plenty of good fodder for a competent writer but this movie wastes an embarrassment of riches. All the worst adjectives apply here: tired, hackneyed, predictable, boring, etc. I've sat through some remarkably bad movies but I was actually angry with myself for wasting 96 minutes with this one. It starts poorly and the basement level production quality gives the first hint of what's to come. Even if you can get past the abysmal script and cardboard cut-out acting (can't blame the third rate thespians here, they had absolutely zero to work with), there's such bad science being presented that you can't even relate to the events that unfold. The plot takes place in Miami Florida but was filmed in Canada which means stock footage of the Miami skyline and Florida seashore with bad porn incidental music is cut in with actors walking around the port authority of Toronto, a marina in Quebec or some such place. "I see boat masts…it's gotta be South Beach!" The film's laziness with geography is second only to its ignorance of basic science and the direction of the flow of the Gulf Stream. For once the title of the film advertises exactly how entertaining it is. I'll never admit to seeing this one.

I like disaster films. It's comforting and entertaining to watch the world suffer imaginary cataclysmic events from the safety of one's couch. On the screen, everything goes kapow. Yet, the bowl of parmesan popcorn is within easy reach of my greedy paw and a cold beer froths in a mug. I sat through this film bored and annoyed, however. This is the kind of movie that begs the question: why make bad movies? Why go through the expense and the trouble when, given the effort, the results are so unaccountably awful? What is it exactly that propels unscrupulous producers, untalented directors, and third-rate actors to collaborate on cinematic ventures that never should have seen the light of day? Who makes the decisions to bring such aberrations to life and who stands the most to gain from them? Adam Sliwinski and Michael D. Jacobs, director and producer respectively, and the many actors of limited craft who participated in this film, all of you should be embarrassed to have this dreck floating about.

This film is something which should never have been made. The acclaimed science in the film has no base whatsoever in fact. Absolute zero is impossible to obtain, the closest anyone has every got it 0.00001 of a Kelvin, which is close but not it. Also this isn't obtained by just shifting the magnetic poles as the magnetic force is too weak to cause this sort of affect. The position of the ice sheets is not caused by the magnetic poles but more the relation to the sun. If absolute zero was reached the atmosphere would freeze well before that point was reached so the people in the film would suffocate if they some how managed to survive. There is also a claim that science is never wrong (which is totally contradicted in the movie itself) as well as science isn't right all the time, it is just the best guess given the information available. Finally there is a scene towards the end of the movie where the building seems to be pressurized and the main character claims this is because the outside air is so cold it creates a drop in pressure which is the same in aircraft, yet another this that is totally incorrect with no fact behind it. So in total this is a movie which should be burnt and the writer should be out of a job for lack of research of common sense.

David Koch (Jeff Fahey), a climatologist working for Miami-based Inter-Sci, is suddenly sent to Antarctica to investigate a change in climate. Some scientists on the icy continent were killed when there was an abrupt spike in temperature, resulting in shifting ice flows that sent them into the icy waters below. When David arrives down under, the remaining crew tell him that a "cave" has appeared, one that was not noticeable before, and which may have answers to the current phenomena. David leads a group to the cavern but, despite finding prehistoric "cave paintings" that suggest the climate on Antarctica was once warmer, the unstable weather creates death traps. Only David makes it out alive, natch. Back in Miami, David hooks up with a science colleague and his wife, Bryn (Erika Eleniak) who run data and come to the startling conclusion that the earth's "poles" are shifting and that Miami will become the new Antarctice in less than 4 days. Of course, the scummy, money-grubbing leader of Inter-Sci locks horns with David and insists to the United States military that the change in climate will evolve more slowly and that, in any case, the company has it covered. Ho ho, what fun is ahead! David, it turns out, is correct and soon folks sunning by the posh hotels' pools are being pelted with snow and sleet. With only a limited time to get everyone evacuated from Miami and into "warmer" New York and other upper regions, what will be the result? Actually, as far as "B" movies go, I thought this one was pretty entertaining. The cast is not stellar by any means, with Fahey and Eleniak, longtime B stars, looking older and tired and the others not doing Oscar work either. Then, too, the script veers off into silliness from time to time, as it tries to recount a long ago love affair between David and Bryn. But, when it gets down to science and special effects, the film fares much better. The whole premise is fairly interesting and the "chilling" of Miami is fun to watch. Yes, it takes a few pages from The Day After Tomorrow, with its rolling deep freeze frames. But, what the heck, if you love science fiction and chaotic weather situations, you would probably get a kick out of this one, especially on sweltering summer nights when re-runs are the only other options. Go for it.

It's difficult to say where to start with this movie... The terrible script, the cartoon-like effects, the horrid acting, the stupid premise, the aging playboy playmate, the complete lack of scientific probability...

Take away the hand full of things that were good about "The day After Tomorrow" and pile on a clichéd script and no money, this is what you will get.

Quick plot: The earth's magnetic field switches polarity in a matter of hours, causing the temperature in Miami to drop to zero degrees Kelvin! This movie follows the intrepid band of researchers who said "I told you so!"

Shudder. Shiver. Shudder. Shudder.

This movie was so bad that I couldn't even watch it for the camp value. It was like watching a train wreck. You want to. But at some point, you just have to turn away from the carnage.