Gag

Let me tell you, I have seen a lot of ShittyAss Movies in my day, but this one takes the F*cking cake. This whole movie is just a huge pot of A**. From beginning to end credits the whole movie is just bullshit. The plot is absolutely atrocious. The acting is just balls. Seriously, I wish I could meet the creators of this movie, and kick them in the nuts because I want my hour and 5 minutes back. Again, this whole movie is just horrible. For the love of God stay away from this movie, for I wish I had a time machine so that I could go back, and stop myself from ever renting this movie. If you receive this as a gift from someone, immediately set their house on fire, because they, for some reason, wish to cause you unbelievable, and unchangeable pain.

There really isn't anything good about this movie. The special effects F*cking suck. Really, they do. The cuts in between scenes are just horrible, and I have seen home movies that are directed better.

The plot is just the s*it topping on the already steaming pile of nothing that this film is. Without giving too much away for you, two burglars break into some guys house to allegedly find a safe. There, they find some bodies, and are then taken hostage.

This is one of the main parts that just pisses me off. A guy gets handcuffed with those metal toy handcuffs you buy at a toy store. You can see the F*cking release switch, and he gets cuffed to a pole that is about a quarter inch thick. Any A**hole with half a brain, even in an indie horror flick, could get out of that.

Then, it gets worse.

There is a complete 10 minute scene in which the main character is chased around this strange house, completely blindfolded.

Seriously, What the F*ck.

I can understand villains in horror movies being stupid, but he is outsmarted by someone who is handcuffed, blind, and in a house he has never been in before. Then to top it all off, he locks himself in a bathroom with a swinging door.

I'm not going to spoil anything, all of this can be seen on the DVD itself, and I should have known, but what the F*ck. I can't believe that I actually paid money to view this.

Do yourself a huge favor, and for the love of God stay as far away from gag as humanly possible.

It's rare that a film can offend you morally by sheer ineptitude alone. A movie wherein the act of watching somehow assumes an aura of ethical lapse is a rare and regrettable event. Spending two hours of your time watching "Gag" is an offense against nature. Time is far too valuable a commodity to spend any of it watching this sadistic, amateur, exploitative, unoriginal, clueless, poorly acted, ugly, cheap, offensive, nonsensical, and altogether boring film. And I like horror movies! Made without a modicum of either technical proficiency nor thematic clarity, Gag simply exists as a series of poorly executed, prurient torture scenarios loosely strung together by a ludicrous plot that steadfastly refuses to make sense. Almost atavistic in it's terribleness, Gag is impressively without one iota of taste or style...the total lapse of judgment by the filmmakers is a sort of negative genius. Saddest of all is that this terrible, disgusting story with it's crude and vile images is what these filmmakers thought would make an artistic statement. This is what they have to offer the world. Mean, ugly, and without redemption, Gag lacks any of the charming camp value that usually accompanies the worst of films. Marrying an utter lack of joy with the basest of imaginations and utter dearth of narrative understating, Gag's only redeeming feature is its title: it's utterly apropos.

I seriously don't intend to waste further time or too many words on the review for "Gag", because it's - simply put - a terribly bad and amateurish horror effort! We get it, Mr. Director, you watched "Saw" and you assumed you could do better? Since the birth and the tremendous success of the so-called "torture porn" sub-genre, many aspiring yet sadly untalented directors come up with their own idea for a sick and revolting torture tale. Most of these attempts are bad, but this "Gag" is beyond abysmal and doesn't feature one single positive aspect or redeeming quality. No wait, there is something good about this film, and that's its length! It lasted less than 80 minutes and I was grateful for that. Otherwise we're talking dire settings, lousy editing and lighting, excruciatingly painful acting performances and gratuitously cruel but unimaginative torturing methods & death sequences. "Gag" is so lame that it reuses the same dire plot-twist (if you can even call it that) twice, namely that a victim is mistaken for the culprit. Yawn! Do not watch, unless you are into self-torture.

Truly dreadful film, the worst I have seen in a long time, luckily for me I fell asleep after an hour. Where to start, marks out of 10, Acting 0/10 Effects 0/10, story 0/10...I could go on buy you get the idea. Two thieves Dumb and Dumber break into a house looking to rob a safe, there's someone almost dead tied to a bed who looks like they have been tortured, our robbers think they may be taking part in a sex game lol and furthermore that they may know the combination to the safe despite being nearly dead..lol One of our robbers wants to get out of the house but the other is insistent on cracking the safe for the money and shouts at the nearly dead individual tied to the bed for the combination, it doesn't get any better.

Another one of those horror movies that I got solely due to the cover artwork. My mistake. Although some of the acting could be deemed less than extremely pathetic, the directing was not. He has absolutely no idea how to create a suspenseful atmosphere. Granted, the script from Kirk Sever didn't give him much to work with, but there were still times where it was obvious he didn't maximize the suspense. I wasn't scared once. I was however left wondering, "Kirk Sever wants his sister to do what to him...?" It tried to use shock value to create a horror movie, but we've seen Saw, Faces of Death, Hostel, etc. You're gonna have to take it a lot farther than that. Otherwise it'll just look lame, as it did. Overall it looked like a decent high school project. Nowhere near anything worthy of being on a Blockbuster shelf. If you like horror movies, even if you like bad horror movies, do not watch this. The only way you could justify watching this garbage is if you're an up and coming horror director/writer and you want to see what not to do.