Virgin Territory

I found this film on the shelves of a French hypermarket on a day trip to Calais. Presented in the same font and style as the 'American Pie' films, I have to say that the local French title "Medieval pie - Territoires vierges" did stand out, which was possibly the intention of the DVD marketing company, trying to trade on the success of a similar and more successful series of teen comedy films. Even now, after the event, I'm still not sure whether any of the cast or crew of 'Medieval Pie' have any involvement with the 'American Pie' franchise at all. I'm doubtful. I get the feeling that this movie will be known under a variety of titles in a variety of markets, and that alone should set the alarm bells ringing in the heads of most sane movie reviewers.

There are a few familiar faces on display. Hayden Christensen, Mischa Barton and Tim Roth are the three most obvious 'names', with 'Little Britain's' David Walliams appearing in a blink-and-you'll-almost-miss-him cameo. The main problem is that all these actors are playing characters with hard-to-remember names. Barton is Pampinea, Christensen is Lorenzo (who for some reason masquerades as a deaf-and-dumb gardener in a convent where for some reason all the nuns have sex with him, a central joke that gets tired very quickly, even with all the nudity) while Roth is the main villain, Gerbino de la Ratto. I was rather more impressed with Matthew Rhys' Russian Count Dzerzhinsky, who rattled off his name and lineage on several occasions without missing a beat - I could have done with a memory like that to remember exactly who was who. It was a struggle at times.

My favourite scene was probably when the two women who get captured (Rosalind Halstead & Kate Groombridge I believe) try and escape by tricking their guards into dropping their trousers and lining up in order of size and then creating an argument about whether you start small and work up, or start large and work down (or even start in the middle!). That was fun. The main love story involving Barton and her three suitors (Christensen, Roth and Rhys) is perhaps not so successful, and the less said about the sex-obsessed nuns the better. It's an old fantasy for sure, imagining what nuns get up to behind closed convent doors, but not especially original.

I've seen worse comedies for sure - anything involving Aaron Seltzer & Jason Friedberg for one thing, but I have seen better too. I suppose for the genre it represents, this sits somewhere in the middle of the pack, so even though it did bypass the cinemas and go straight-to-DVD, it's not really that bad. It deserves one viewing at least, but whether it will hold up to multiple screenings is much less certain. I'm not sure it will. I guess what I'm really saying, is wait until the sales - don't pay full price for it - unless you have a thing about nuns getting naked, in which case this is a 10/10 movie for sure. For me though, it's just a five.

Anybody who thought this was a soft core porn movie would be forgiven. The whole 'guy turns up at commune and gets laid half a dozen times'! What's that about, I ask? It's certainly not based on reality. That said the movie is not set in present times so perhaps we shouldn't judge the women within it on a modern standard, supposing nuns no longer put out for a good looking gardener. On that note probably best to stick to the guidance here, if parents are wondering, as it's bound to give us lads a false sense of hope at such a young age. It's not surprising given the directors talents! The movie is difficult to follow, with that results a surprising and interesting film. The actors are all well know teen actors, you will have seen them on the likes of Skins and OC, this is one of those movies that seems to be a summer break for actors, however they did not take a break in acting, if at times they seem a little hung-over, so to speak. There is also more than just a good cast here, there is a mix of nationalities, it varies from all over the world and this adds vastly to the period setting. There is a bit in the movie where the evil guy sees a musket for the first time, and that is a cool idea. What else could the evil baddie say to his minions other than "I want that get me it".

Brilliant cameo from David Williams's (cart pusher) funniest moment of the whole movie. He is only in it for a short while at the beginning but its worth watching the movie for his part alone. It is important to say that id normally save my time for a movie that doesn't deserve its rating, this film is very luck to have a 5 and deserve it, you should watch it and see what you think.

Although a little over the top at times, overall it was a good flick and an apt mix between "American Pie" and "A Knight's Tale". It wasn't perfect, and was cheesy at times; however in spite of that, I'd watch again.

A young man engages in debauchery and swashbuckling adventures in 14th century Italy. This film is mostly harmless, but an incredibly lame attempt to make a sex comedy set during the time of the Roman Empire as Europe is devastated by the Black Plague. The script and direction are so amateurish that it looks like a low-budget TV movie. It is difficult to buy Christensen as a swashbuckling hero, as he looks about twelve and has little screen presence. Roth looks embarrassed to have become involved with this project. The only selling point here is that there are some quite attractive women in the cast and they tend to disrobe with some regularity.

It seems the other reviews either love everything about this, or hated it...

Well, I have to say for what it is, it is OK and watchable if you know you just want a no brainer evening.

It doess a real sense of fun without too much silliness and even a definite charm.

It is sexy, and has a fair amount of nudity, but it's all done in a spirit of fun...

It is a bit of Carry On, a bit of Romeo and Juliet, with sexy romance, and dashing sword fights, some decent one-liners and some running gags it all works if you're in the right mood.

The plot is a take on the Comedy of Errors, three suitors, one girl, but one is mean and nasty, the other falls in love with another girl, and one is her true love... it ain't Shakepseare but it is fun to see what happens next.

Nicely shot with good costumes and settings this is one to just enjoy for what it is: escapist comedy reasonably entertaining and fun...